Saturday, 20 June 2015

Finding Out


I had absolutely no clue that I was pregnant with twin prior to my first, six week scan.

A friend of mine told her Mum that I was pregnant through IVF. “Twins?” asked the Mum. “Liz wouldn’t be so stupid” was the response.

And I wasn’t.

I had two embryos left. I could have put two back in but I didn’t. Partly because I wanted two chances at a second child so decided to try them one at a time, but also because after having just one child the idea of twins was petrifying a risk we didn’t want to take.

An anonymous commenter predicted twins when she saw my beta numbers. Yes, it was high but this didn’t prepare me either as they were eerily close to my numbers with Olive. You know, my single, first child. In retrospect I now wonder whether Olive started off as a twin too. I bled a fair bit in the very early weeks after that positive test. Maybe I did lose a twin then.

Everything that I initially told you happened at the six week was true, just not the whole truth. This is what happened where the last post left off…

The sonographer, after finding the precious heartbeat and I had relaxed, continued rooting around.

“and I think …” she paused as another blob appeared on screen “yes… you have twins. Another good heartbeat.”

“What?!” I yelped.

Now, I don’t claim to be a genius – but hey should you wish to saddle me with that title who am I to argue? – but the speed with which the thoughts rushed through my head on finding out was reminiscent of that scene in Short Circuit when Number 5 reads a whole encyclopedia in seconds.

This is a fraction of what I thought:
Twins.
Fuck.
They are going to be identical.
Identical twins are a bit odd.
What if I can’t tell them apart?
Will I ever be able to get them to sleep at the same time?
Will I be able to leave the house?
I’ll need a double buggy, plus Olive – a triple?
I won’t be able to get down the steps at the tube station.
Creepy identical twins.
We’ll need to get a car.
How can we afford a car and twins?
The husband will have to learn to drive
Can we afford driving lessons and twins?
Will I go back to work?
Will work cover childcare for three kids? Or will I have to pay for the privilege of keeping a job ready for when school kicks in.
Identical twins … shit
What will the husband say [he couldn’t make the appointment]
Its like my own family, two year old then twins.
My poor Mum
I always wanted three kids
Just not at once
The husband wanted two.
I win.
But identical?
How will I get them all downstairs in the morning?
I’ll need another moses basket…
And cot…
At least I already have two boobs.
They’ll be premature, won’t they.
This is going to be a high risk pregnancy
I hope I’m alright.
I hope they are alright.
Oh shit.

I’m conscious that my initial thoughts were not the overwhelmingly positive ones that you would expect from an infertile about to have more children that she'd ever hoped for. I’m sure many of you who are still waiting for their miracle struggle to read how ungrateful I was. Things have changed since the shock of finding out has worn off, but I wanted to be honest about how I felt.

Now I am just over 17 weeks pregnant - halfway through my pregnancy (the consultant told me he won't let them go over 36 weeks). I still have doubts about how I will cope with twins - or tell them apart - but I am pretty thrilled at the idea of them.



13 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness! Congratulations!

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  2. Congratulations! And speaking as one of the folks still waiting for a miracle, I don't think you sound ungrateful at all. If I were to find out tomorrow I was blessed with twins I would have the "oh shit" type thoughts mixed in with the happy ones.

    Again, I am so very happy for you!

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  3. Just write their initials on their foreheads. Easy.
    X

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  4. And henceforth I shall be quoting Short Circuit for the remainder of this evening. It's big news, make no bones but I'd have gone through the same thought process I'm sure. Lovely stuff.

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  5. And henceforth I shall be quoting Short Circuit for the remainder of this evening. It's big news, make no bones but I'd have gone through the same thought process I'm sure. Lovely stuff.

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  6. And henceforth I shall be quoting Short Circuit for the remainder of this evening. It's big news, make no bones but I'd have gone through the same thought process I'm sure. Lovely stuff.

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  7. Will you be finding out boys or girls before their arrival?? I hope so! I'm so excited and thrilled for you and your family!

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  8. LOL I think I would totally react like you did. Two at once would be a challenge but it will be wonderful!

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  9. I've heard of people painting a toenail on one of the babies. The good thing; you have the voice of experience to help you out!

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  10. Another blogger I follow had identical twins but they were crammed into her uterus that one came out with a really wide forehead, hence making them easy to tell apart until they grew hair:) Congratulations!!! I always wanted identical twins, I think it's really cool!

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  11. Pfft - who doesn't think of the hazards after being in the world of infertility for so long? I just hope that you have an easy time growing them and one has a convenient (small, attractive) birthmark on its forehead (like the identical twin boys at my high school - if only I had ever learned which one had the birthmark!).

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  12. Wow...half way through already! I had exactly the same thought processes when I found out I was pregnant with twins (after 5 years of infertility)...amazement, joy, excitement, followed by Holy Shit how will we cope, how will I tell them apart, will my body ever recover etc. My girls are now 14 months, and although there have been tough times, I can honestly say that I wake up every morning feeling so blessed that I am lucky enough to be a mother of twins. Two babies at once is awesome, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! You'll rock being a mother of three in exactly the same way that you rock being a mother of one.

    I have to say, though, that my body hasn't recovered and I suspect it never will...

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  13. Sandy L. in Florida28 June 2015 at 12:23

    Lol, I was the "anonymous" that asked about the possibility of twins after seeing your numbers. I was afraid to attach my name to the question for fear of looking like as though I asked a stupid question. It never dawned on me that the one egg your had implanted would be identical twins, so I learned something that I should have remembered from high school biology class. I've been following you since 2008, I love hearing about your adventures and again very happy for you all.

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