Monday, 2 September 2013

Let's really talk about sex

When I was pregnant I wrote a post about finding out the gender of our child. Hilariously, (because that is how I roll) the title was somewhat ambiguous - implying that I was going to write about my sex life. Several people commented expressing disappointment that the post wasn't a full-blown expos√© of my bedroom habits.


I didn't write about my pregnancy sex life for three very good reasons:
a) "Zilch" isn't much of a post. (Remember I had terrible morning sickness for the majority of my pregnancy) and I'd already written one post like this.

b) A lot of people who know me in real life read this blog - they don't want to picture the husband and I at it. You know who you are, I mean imagine having the mental image of him on top of me, we are sweating a bit, maybe a few pulsating veins ... see you don't want to think about that, do you?

c) I imagine writing about my intimate relations with my husband could potentially cause untold damage to my relationship.

So obviously I can't write about my sex life after giving birth.

Something I didn't think it'd be an issue.

Just two weeks after giving birth my midwife was keen to stress the importance of contraception. When I told her I was planning on using the coil (less as a contraceptive, because I am not convinced I need one after the difficulties of the last six and a half years, but because this is what was used to treat my womb lining so should keep any nasties at bay until I am ready to pop a frozen embryo or two back in).

The midwife positively beamed at me for my responsible attitude to family planning. But as I can't have a coil put in until at least six weeks after I give birth she cautioned that "breast-feeding isn't an effective contraception, and you can get pregnant as soon as three weeks after birth."

I countered saying that breast feeding might not be effective contraception but stitches certainly were. I couldn't imagine ever being able to have sex again.

How we laughed.

As I said earlier, I can't write about my personal experiences here.

However, six weeks and four days after giving birth hypothetically I can say that sex would be feasible. One needs to think carefully about the position.

I would imagine that the woman being on top would be the best position to enable her to be in control and ensure that if it does start to get a bit painful she can change position or speed.

Of course the slight drawback of that position is I guess that if she is breast feeding she might find that her boobs leak a bit and her partner might find his chest splattered with mother's milk. Which could cause a fit of the giggles that might detract from the romance of the situation somewhat.

Hypothetically, of course, how long do you reckon it'd take you to get back in the saddle?


  1. Ha ha! This can be avoided by wearing a sexy bra with breast milk pads, FWIW. Not a perfect solution, but better than lactating everywhere, no?

  2. Well, with child Nb 1, I didn't have any problems due to it being 2 years and 9 months after he was born. Child Nb 2, 9 weeks due to birth complications impounded by infection and bleeding that stopped for 2 days after said 9 weeks, had sex, got pregnant with child Nb 3. After she was born, 8 weeks with a condom, spermicide jelly and sheer terror. So, I'm not much help with anything below 8 weeks I am afraid. But, go slow and listen to your body and all will be good :)

  3. I think it was 6w and I wore a bra. That's when the ole bits felt semi normal again :)

  4. I'll admit as I scrolled down I thought you were going to show us a positive pregnancy wand! And I might have spit out my coffee in shock...however, instead I spit it out in laughter. After more than 7 months san coitus, it wasn't very romantic for awhile, and then it just was.

  5. 6 months AD now. Um. tried. hurts a bit. SO not into it..... Don't care if it is hormonal or emotional, just glad we don't 'have to try' anywmore.
    Other part of tmi: my period has not returned either. And since I've run out of eggs I'm hoping it never will.

  6. The mental image I got from this post was priceless. Thank you for the laugh!

  7. You are very very very brave! That thought didn't even remotely come near the station that housed my train of thought. The 1st time I even felt somewhat comfortable trying to do it, not wanting to at all really, was somewhere in the 6m-1yr range (it's too embarrassing to give the actual time PP). It's only been in the last 4-5m that it's been enjoyable.

    I 2nd (3rd?) the bra+pads to stop leaking. I can't comment on this much else as leaking wasn't an issue by the time I was back in the saddle

  8. You mean you're supposed to have sex again after having a child?

    I can't actually remember when we started up again. There was so much going on in our lives in addition to the new baby that I have no memories of what happened between October and say...January?

  9. Hypothetically, one might only last 4 weeks until breaking down and trying, only to find it still *doesn't quite* work; so you might just make do instead. However, around about 6 weeks, I can say with hypothetical confidence that the stitches issue was mostly gone and success could potentially be achieved.

    Don't ask me to speculate on positions, though, I wouldn't have any idea.

  10. Ick ick ick
    Wombmate x

  11. I couldn't face it for quite a while, longer than six weeks!

  12. Sex? What's that? And more importantly why? I don't remember how long we waited all I can say is it hurt a lot. Yeah good times.

  13. I have been a long time reader just popping in to comment. After many IVF's and lost babies I am here to tell you that I got pregnant about six or seven weeks after giving birth. She isn't joking about the BC but if you want to try for some really close together sibs ( the free way) go for it. With my first I breastfed until the death of me and wanted nothing to do with my husband until maybe 16 weeks ppd, but no Bf for baby #2 and it was much more appealing at or seven weeks. Regardless, have fun when you are ready. Life is short.

  14. I have worn a nursing bra for so long, I can hardly recognise myself without one. Not the boobs, though, them I know very well. The leakage sorts itself out, but in months, so do not count on that too soon. First time we did it after 6 weeks, the second time after 5. Stitches are not a problem, if properly healed that is. As long as there is no bleeding, or other secretions, I would say they are healed. Isn't this discussion absolutely fascinating, how it invites strangers to shar personal stuff one should not care to know? :-)

  15. Two words: Oral sex. Only way to go for us.

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