Sunday, 8 September 2013

Funny Face

My daughter is fucking hilarious.

She is starting to exhibit a wicked sense of humour.

Somewhat lacking in verbal skills, she has yet to hone her sparkling repartee. Equally her motor skills are limited. I'm chuffed if she can lift her own head even for a second - so physical comedy is mostly out.

Instead she is concentrating on scatological humour. 

Take for example the earlier today. I changed her nappy (diaper - keep up) which also included a complete outfit change on account of a little shit seepage. She waited until she was completely clean and dry and we were sitting back on the sofa. As I was telling her what a lovely, clean little girl she was she looked me straight in the eye, gave me a big smile (which the husband still insists is wind), and shat herself accompanied by a massive bubbling fart sound.

How we laughed as I got up to change her yet again.

But this isn't her only trick. The "shart" (shitting fart) is just one element in her repertoire.

My sister's told me that having a girl I'd avoid the hose-pipe urine spray from a tiny penis freed from a nappy. True, but what they forgot is I can still get caught by a projectile poo and pee. By simultaneously combining these activities she can force excrement from her changing mat a good 50cm onto one of my clean tops (it is always the clean ones).

They say the secret of good comedy is timing and she has this down to a fine art. She saves the noisiest farts for moments when I am whispering soothing sweet nothings into her ear. Or takes a piss just as I have removed her old nappy and put a fresh one under her - often not even waiting for it to be done up. 

There might not be any discernible physical resemblance between my daughter and I but maybe, just maybe, she has inherited my sense of humour.

Poor kid. 


  1. A friend told me when I complained about the little hose spraying and the one time I had to wash the pooped-on wall, that it was not the infants' prowess at eliminating 'output', but the nappy changers' left feet that made the process too slow. That friend is no longer a friend, but an acquaintance.
    Your daughter does have a wicked sense of humour. I can hardly wait for when she starts talking. :-)

  2. It gets worse. When they start moving you constantly get shit on your fingers. You think after 14 months I would be better at it but alas I am not. The personality does come out earlier. Seems to be you've got a cheeky one on your hands!

  3. Yeah, watch out - she may get you with the pe spray yet. My daughter managed to get me and my husband (separately). She was quite talented.

  4. You'll really be laughing when someone visiting says "EEwww...What's this brown stuff at the back of her neck?"

  5. it IS always the clean ones.

  6. Aw! I mean, eww!

    I don't know what I mean. :)

  7. Lol.... what a clown you seem to have on your hands !! A shart expert at that !!

  8. I remember being in my friends house years ago, and my friends dad was changing his three month old baby boy when the baby pissed right into his mouth - I'll never forget the father running straight into the bathroom, it was so funny lol

  9. My son this morning, while standing in a line, decided to start playing with his toy car on the large women's bum in front of us. He then said "vrooom" as the car 'ramped' over the large canyon that was her embaressing.


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