Sunday, 14 July 2013

Piece of Piss

For those of you who aren't familiar with our British sayings "piece of piss" is a phrase used to denote that something is, or was, easy.

"How was the exam?"
"Piece of piss"

"Can you work out how to set up this DVD player?"
"Of course, it is a piece of piss."

I mean, we don't necessarily use it in polite company but it is a common enough phrase.

One that I use albeit not one I can necessarily relate to, on account of having at ferociously shy bladder.

Pregnancy has, to some extent, lessened my shy bladder. The first symptom I noticed when I was pregnant was the need to wee more frequently - this because of hormones racing round my body. Now, at 8 months pregnant the urge to piss is enhanced by my daughter tap dancing on my bladder.

I've done it again, haven't I? Banged on about something without explaining why.

To date this pregnancy has gone brilliantly. The sickness has been grim, and still raises its head (or causes me to to raise my breakfast) once or twice a week but it hasn't affected my health or the health of my baby.

I've passed every medical check without a problem.

Until Thursday.

On Thursday I had the day off work. In the morning I was waiting in for our internet and TV to be connected. Blessed, blessed, internet - how I have missed ye. This was the company's second attempt and they had been the cause of a number of frustrated phone calls over the last three weeks. They were due to come between 8am and 1pm and I'd rung to explain I had a Doctor's appointment at 2pm so they had to be finished by 1pm.

I won't go through the stress of the morning which had the installers turn up, go away, phone calls to call centres, the manager coming down, but eventually at 1pm they started the installation. At 1:30 I had to herd them out of the house to rush across London to my Doctor's appointment. (Internet and TV sorted, phone still to come).

I raced to the train station, hopped on train, then tube, fled up the escalator, took the stairs in the hospital two at a time and then had my blood pressure measured.

Unsurprisingly after the morning I'd had it was phenomenally high.

Then my urine was tested and showed protein.

Two classic signs of pre-eclampsia.

I got hooked up to a blood pressure machine for an hour and they took yet more readings. It had reduced a bit but is still deemed too high. I suspect the rise was a result of my morning dealing with installation numpties but the hospital cannot be too careful.

So now I need more tests. One of which involves collecting my urine over a 24 hour period.

There is a heatwave going on in London at the moment which means I am drinking like a fish and pissing like a horse (two more idioms for you there). Never fear I am only drinking water so I'm not getting as pissed as a newt (one more there).

So the idea of collecting my wee for 24 hours is, frankly, intimidating. I start as of now and will be collecting every drop. There is going to be a lot and I've been given these:

Hmm. Not really sure how I am going to feel about lugging these into work tomorrow and trying to discreetly fill them whilst going to the toilet.

Still, at least I have a pot to piss in. (Another idiom there, if I didn't have a pot to piss in it would imply I had no money, which makes absolutely no sense in this context but I couldn't resist throwing it in!)


  1. I will be thinking of you and your giant gallons of piss. I will send many many well wishes your way that the remainder of your pregnancy will be as brilliant. This is just a tiny bump that you will get through. Hug.

  2. I had it right at the end with the twins - I had +++ with protein and blood pressure in high 150s over high 90s. Section was booked for next day anyway, so they just decided to wait for that rather than make me piss in the gallon pots. I think I'd be pulling a sickie rather than carrying the gallon pots to work if I were you! Really hope it's not too serious and that all will be well with you and your daughter (just writing that makes me smile!). Take good care.

  3. Protein and high BP! Follow every instruction carefully. Trust you have seriously considered taking the day off to reduce stress etc. Assume you have read up on danger signs. (Fretting gently at you on-line as this baby AND you are precious and important.) Some pre-eclampsia SOMETIMES can be controlled but it is a HUGE warning sign ... you DO sound clear and serious about it. I want you to have a fully cooked baby.... so much easier. I shall be holding my breath for your next report. Prayers and good wishes coming from California!

  4. On a very practical level there is a lovely contraption called a "hat" which fits on the toilet, allowing one to pour the urine from the "hat" into the jug with much more ease. Sending antiproteinuric, antihypertensive thoughts and hoping for a safe and uneventful rest of your pregnancy.

  5. Nothing to mess with there - do not waste any of that urine. I would, of course, drink lots of water to try and make sure the tests come back favorably, but take it seriously. :)

    Lugging jugs of piss around sounds like a lovely way to spend the day!

  6. Urrgh. I remember those. Grim. But I certainly never needed two! It is at this moment that I also realised I had a 1000 transparent bags and nothing which would hide a canister of sloshing pee.

  7. How awful... as the others have said, please be careful... and try to take the day off work!!

  8. Oh dear, poor you. That does sound like a lot of piss. (I mean this in a supportive way, honestly. Though it may not sound like it.)

    Put your feet up there, W, dear. Thinking good thoughts for you.

  9. Uh oh! Hope it comes down! Sounds like a ton of fun!

  10. Ummm, I hadn't realised, but is pregnancy leave something Dutch? My choices were to work A) till 6 weeks before due date B) 5 weeks before and C) 4 weeks before due date.
    Total paid leave is 12 weeks (plus whatever you go overdue)
    Maybe it is not only luxury but makes some sense as well... Hope you will get to relax and get settled for the last bit (I know I needed that time)

  11. Oh bother. But eight months already. I guess after peeing for England they could just decide that you have to meet your little girl a little early but am sure you will both be fine. did they give you one of those blood pressure cuffs to play with? More fun than a piss pot.


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