As I mentioned in my last post, from test to 12 week scan I was petrified that this pregnancy wouldn't progress, having had a "missed miscarriage" earlier in the year when there were no outward signs that anything was wrong and it was only the scan with no heartbeat that flagged the end of the pregnancy.
Which prior to my 12 week scan made me very nervous.
Very nervous indeed.
I knew what could go wrong and it had happened to me 'just' the once. Medical staff must have seen many, many more women bounce cheerfully into their scan rooms only to hear horrendous news. Yes, many more might get good news but surely the bad news stories stick in the mind more.
So of all the people you'd expect to be touching wood or at least using cautious language, medical staff would, you'd have thought, been right up there.
Not a bit of it.
I had a scan at my IVF clinic at 10 weeks.
The Doctor cheerfully finished the consultation by handing me a form. "Please can you complete this when the baby is born and return it to us. And we'd love a photo too!"
The form asked such unimaginable things as birth weight and how accurate the estimated due date was.
When I graduate to the NHS I had a midwife appointment BEFORE my 12 week scan. Now I'd had scans with my clinic before so I knew that there had at least been something there but I couldn't help but wonder about those who had conceived by normal means. Having this appointment before any medical professional had had the opportunity for a good rummage round their bits to check the embryo was developing properly. The discussions about breast feeding clinics just seemed a little premature.
Then when I finally got to my 12 week scan I checked in at reception. "Will you want a picture" she asked. "Yes" we confirmed a little doubtfully. "That'll be three pounds." And we dutifully handed over the cash. But I couldn't help that think, should the scan go badly, would I get a refund?
Today I had another midwife appointment - at 16 weeks and 6 days. The midwife was in the midst of explaining how she didn't normally check the heartbeat at this stage, as it can be difficult to find, when she saw my face. She clocked that I wanted a bit of reassurance so whipped out the doppler. It is still there, the heartbeat.
I'm not quite at the relaxed state of the medical staff I have encountered. However my mind has been set at ease a little more which should push me through the next few weeks until my 20 week scan.