Sunday, 17 March 2013

Let's talk about sex, baby.

The two most common questions that I get asked when people discover I am pregnant are:
1) Have you actually been sick?
2) Are you going to find out the sex?

The answer to both is an unequivocal yes. It would be very odd to have a baby and not find out the sex - I mean how would you change a nappy without noticing?

I think what they generally mean is, am I going to find out the sex of the baby before I give birth.

You'd be amazed at how worked up people get over this.

For some, finding out the sex is the equivalent of opening Christmas presents on Halloween. All kinds of wrong and indicative of a lack of self-control which marks you as a unreliable shyster in all areas of your life. For others, the idea of waiting until after the birth when you have clothes to buy and a nursery to paint is a clear demonstration of your lack of forethought that could scar your child for life*. What if HE has to wear a pink babygrow to leave hospital in?!

I couldn't give a toss what other people decide, fair play to them and whatever they go with. The husband and I have chosen to find out the sex at our twenty week scan in three week's time.

Almost nothing about this process has been conducted away from the closest of medical scrutiny;we even have a photo of the baby as a mere blob of cells: finding out the sex seems perfectly natural. I don't really buy the argument that I'd want to have a surprise when the baby is born. Whether I discover the sex at 20 weeks or 40(ish) it'll be a surprise. (As much as a 50/50 outcome can be.)

At 20 weeks I figure I'll have the time and energy to absorb the news. At the birth I might have a be a bit preoccupied with other stuff.

There are a couple of other things that have decided me:

When the wombmate had her little boy she and her husband knew the sex but chose not to tell anyone. Not even me.

Well, that bit her in the arse when our aunt presented her with a hand-crafted little jacket lovingly embroidered with flowers and what-not. I'm not against a bit of cross-dressing. I write this in the husband's cardi (which I guess is me cross-dressing as a chap because I'm wearing his clothes and his cross-dressing as a woman because he owns a fucking cardigan). However, I have been conditioned just enough to baulk at dressing a little boy up in such a flamboyantly decorated garment.

Also I have a very strong feeling that this kid is a boy.

Call it instinct.

Those of you who have read this blog for a while will know that to date almost every gut feeling I have had has been utterly wrong. Therefore I wonder whether to call my instincts bluff and decide I must be having a girl. But could it be a double bluff? Maybe I really am having a boy and my psychic ability is screwing with me.  Can you imagine living with these thoughts on a daily basis? I have to find out the answer for the sake of my sanity!

So only a few more weeks to find out whether we have a Douglas or Doug-ess in the making.

* With three older nephews I can pretty much guarentee a large proportion of this one's clothes will be blue with tractors emblazoned across the front. I'm quite keen on the idea of a gender neutral dark grey nursery at the moment ...


  1. Well, if your instincts run as usual, the wombmate can pass on that lovely embroidered jacket...

    I don't understand why people want to wait to find out. If you can have information today, why would you wait for it? Eh, whatever, I suppose. To each her own.

  2. I KNEW I was having a boy - and I was thrilled to see an unmistakable penis at our gender scan. Hubby wasn't impressed by my "mothers intuition" insisting I had a 50/50 chance of being right anyway...spoil sport.

    We decided that due to our miscarriages we had waited way longer than 40 weeks to know the ex of our baby, so finding out at the 20 week scan was the best surprise. Enjoy every second of seeing your little miss or mister :)

  3. The husband is of the view that if he wanted a surprise on the day his child was born, he would get someone to jump out and go "boo" at him.... I don't get the not finding out either. Mind you, I was 100% wrong both time with my guesses, so I hope you have more luck!

    Btw, when I read the title of this post, I thought you were going to talk about whether or not to have sex during pregnancy.....

  4. I loved finding out at the 20 wk scan but you are so right some people were really against it. In retrospect if I could have avoided the huge fight I had with my husband the night before my planed c-section regarding his name I would have forgone finding out. Exciting stuff so thrilled for you!

  5. You are right that people feel strongly about it-- we've done it both ways and honestly, I liked having a bit of time to get my head around things. With my first I *knew* she was a girl, with the second, I wasn't sure and everyone was sure that I'd have a boy to 'round things out'. Turns out it was another girl who wore a lot of blues and greens. Will you be telling when you find out, or waiting for the game day reveal?

  6. gender neutral? I'm there with you. Somehow it feels wrong to divide the world in blue and pink only.
    Sex doesn't matter that much too me...

  7. It is such a personal thing, I think whatever suits an individual couple is fine. I want the surprise at the birth but that is just me. What is nice is to have something you have control of and a decision that is actually in your hands after infertility has stolen it from the rest of the process.

  8. When I read the title of this post I thought it was going to be about sex while pregnant. And I clicked on it right away thinking that knowing you ... this would be hilarious. Boy was I wrong! LOL.

    Anyway, I find it so funny how people have such strong opinions about this topic. Just wait ... those same people have some very strong opinions about parenting styles as well. Of course, I didn't even know you could have a "style" when parenting. I just hope to be a good parent (who has a bit of style)!

    Can't wait to find out if your having a girl or boy!!!!

  9. Im not kidding, if you don't let me know instantly I WILL hurt you!

  10. Completely agree. A surprise is a surprise no matter when it happens. So happy for you!

  11. My husband refuses to call his cardi a 'cardigan' and instead prefers the term 'zip/button-through sweater'. Which doesn't exactly sidestep the landmine he was hoping to avoid, in my opinion.

    I've not heard of people being vehemently for or vehemently against finding out the sex. My personal view on it has changed after having IVF though – before I wouldn't have found out. Now, I would.

    Regardless, I agree that it's the choice of the parent(s).

  12. I dreamt last night 'it' was a girl
    Wombmate x

  13. Ps the unworn flower cardi is on the 0-3 month box I packed this afternoon.

  14. I love gender neutral, and drool over the thought of a grey nursery. Asa for finding out the gender, do what you want! It's a personal choice that only the 3 of you can make (Doug has to cooperate and show the goods). I hope you fill us in!

  15. Having to wait for sooooooooooo long (42 and the absolute this it it IVF) finding out the gender as early as possible helping me to try to believe that finally this was happening, I was having a baby!! Mine was a boy.

    Boy or girl, it's so exciting!!! :)

  16. I decided that having the baby would be a pretty big shock as it was, so any chance to ease the surprise by knowing the gender beforehand was very welcome....yours is a girl...and she's got her eyes on that flower cardi.

    BTW, I have girlfriend from university who got caught out in the cross-dressing department. She was also a bit slovenly in doing her laundry. Only when she removed her jeans in a communal dressing room did she remember she was wearing her boyfriend's Y-fronts!

  17. Get your own doppler if you're worried, lovey. And if a midwife can't find a 16wk heartbeat then step aside! Ann will have a go! I wield a mean doppler...

    1. It's true, she does. I can vouch for her talent in the doppler-wielding area...

  18. We found out at 20 weeks and never regretted it. Great for couples who want to unwrap that particular present in the hospital, but we didn't see a point to waiting. And knowing made it all that much more real (which was a strange problem for me...who continued to think she was dreaming until relatively late in her pregnancy).

    Ah, cardigans. Now it's when you start wearing his ties as headbands that we'll start to worry. But nothing wrong with a bit of cross-dressing. Comfort first.

  19. I'm painting the nursery light grey today. It is going to be super. Although it's not for gender neutrality. I know I had a boy, 6 months ago...but I am only just making a move on the room so we can get him into the cot on Monday. Poor little bugger must feel like he's back inside when he is in the bassinet now. I hope you don't get a bunch of tractor clothes, or cars, or trucks or anything stupidly BOY. Makes me cranky. In the same way lots and lots and lots of pink for a girl makes my brain hurt.

  20. It's no-ones business but yours when you find out the gender. Just inform them after you find out.

    Oh and LMFAO at the cardigan cross dressing

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  22. I might pop down to Ladbrookes. I'm all for cardi's on boys. What a shame my boy disagrees.


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