I can now say with more confidence than I have felt for the past six years, next Christmas will be different.
In previous years I've hoped that difference will be a baby. For a very short while it looked like 2012 might be that year, or at least a Christmas where I would be waddling around four days overdue.
Next year however things will definately be different. Whether there will be a baby it is too early to tell. One thing I know for sure is we won't be in the same flat that I have lived in for the last eight years.
I told you we were selling our flat and buying a house. Well, we are halfway there. We move out of our flat on the fourth of January. The house purchase however, not so much.
It has been an incredibly stressful few weeks and two weeks ago it became apparent that the house we wanted to buy wasn't really for sale. (Long story, but from agreeing to rent it for a couple of months between selling ours and actually buying the house it turned out the sellers wouldn't give any kind of date by which time the house would be ours, and after months of changing stories we got to the point that we didn't trust them to ever sell.)
The upshot is we pulled out of the purchase so are moving into my sister's house for a week and then a rented flat whilst we try to find somewhere else to buy.
After eight years in this flat it does feel time to move on but with just a few days to go I am starting to go dewey-eyed about what we are leaving behind.
It was the first place the husband and I bought together, we got engaged in the pub opposite, got married up the road, moved the dog in, even put up shelves (with the help of my Dad).
Oddly enough it is the memories that haven't happened here that also haunt me. The spare room has never become a nursery. I always thought this would be a good place to have a baby - it is small enough to not need a baby alarm and there are no perilous stairs for inquisitive children to fall down. I won't take junior to the local play park where I see other parents when I take the dog for a walk. My child will miss out on the mothers and babies music group in the theatre opposite.
Still maybe next year I can make some real memories.
Happy New Year all of you, I hope 2013 is the source of some wonderful memories for you as well.