Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Six Years

Despite being together for 11 years before getting married the husband and I do not have a special song.

We didn’t share our first kiss to the strains of Celine Dion (it was in a pub car park to the gentle sounds of passing drunks).

We didn’t have one of those moments where we both realised our first album was the same (mine - First of a Million Kisses by Fairground Attraction, his - The Riddle by Nik Kershaw).

We don’t even share a karaoke playlist. (He won’t sing, I can’t – but give it a bloody good shot at which point most people in the vicinity make their excuses and disappear to the loo, bar or nearest bridge whilst donning concrete boots).

So choosing a song for our first dance when we got married was hard work.

It consisted of listening to short blasts of songs and either dismissing them or putting them on a maybe list. We used up The Carpenters “Why Do Birds Suddenly Appear...” for me to walk up the aisle to. And, obviously, played Stevie's “Signed, Sealed, Delivered” when we signed the register.

Eventually for the first dance we settled on Minnie Riperton's “Inside My Love”. It's a classic soul song, we both loved it, it was romantic. A five second snippet confirmed our choice, job done and we got on to more important wedding planning stuff – like food and drink.

Now, I have a personal abhorrence of quoting song lyrics on my blog. I’ll be honest with you – if any of you have quoted a song on yours I’ve skipped it. But I am going to break that rule because you really needs to read the lyrics of the chorus of the song we chose for our first dance:

You can see inside me
 Will you come inside me?
 Do you wanna ride inside my love?
 You can see inside me
 Will you come inside me?
 Do you wanna ride inside my love?

Essentially the husband and I spent 4mins 43seconds of our wedding lurching around the dance floor in front of all our friends and family whilst Minnie Riperton encouraged the husband to ejaculate inside me.


And over.

And over again.

Which was nice.

Don't get me wrong, it was apt, because prior to our wedding he all but double-bagged his old chap such was his paranoia about contraception. Once the ring was on my finger the prophylactics were in the bin. And, without wanting to be too graphic he was positively encouraged to come inside me.

Last Saturday was our six year wedding anniversary, last Sunday marked six year since we first had sex without contraception.

The irony is, of course, that six years on because of the Provera progesteroning-up my system he categorically can't come inside me, because you know we are trying to get pregnant the scientific way.



  1. Happy Anniversary....That song made me laugh and had I been at your wedding I totally would have gone there with it...Here's to many MANY more years together and happiness and love to fill those years.

    Bummer about the provera putting a damper on things....

  2. Happy anniversary! And happy anniversary to the old chap. With his six happy years of living bag-free.

  3. Happy Anniversary! I think that is the most hilarious wedding song ever...

  4. Happy Anniversary, my other half was desperately paranoid before we were married. I think he thought he had super sperm. Turns out, not so much. I hope you have a lovely day.

  5. I couldn't have chosen a better wedding song. Happy sixth anniversary!

  6. I got a much needed laugh from this today. Yay on song choice and 'Happy Anniversary'. We literally used double the contraception for half of our married life. Ha the irony of it all.

  7. I just watched that video and burst out laughing at work. The chorus had me in fits, I can just imagine flying around the dance floor and that song playing – now that is funny.

  8. Happy anniversary. I hope you celebrated with bubbly and other fun stuff x

  9. Belated happy anniversary. Those song funny!

  10. Happy Anniversary. Your writing is so very, very captivating to readers on the "other" side of the pond. So, I was rather stunned by your musical selections for your wedding, as I can't imagine anyone walking down the aisle to the refrains of the Carpenter's Close to You post-1975, unless they are referencing 'The Simpsons,' and the classic first dance song doesn't all the way resonate as a classic here. Oh, tomaatoes and tomAAtoes...

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