Monday, 20 August 2012

Blog Agony

Dear Aunty Womb-y 

I have been blogging for a while and built up what I thought was a good following from other IF-ers. But since I have gotten pregnant I feel like I have been ignored by everyone I hardly get any comments any more and it is like people think I was faking IF and I’m not one of then any more. It really hurts that they don’t care any more and makes me think the comments were all fake before.

Anon 


Dear ...

... oh dear ...

... oh dear ...

You have projected an awful lot onto the natural decline in your comments. 

Most of us read blogs for support, to learn about impending treatments and not feel so alone as they struggle to come to terms with their infertility in what feels like a very fertile world.

When you get pregnant your readers are naturally going to melt away.

Some because they finding reading about pregnancy upsetting.

Some they just can't relate to your posts.

Others who could give marvellous advice when it comes to injections or dealing with in-laws suddenly can give no input, or sympathy, when it comes to morning sickness.

And yes, obviously, there will be people jealous at the "comparative" ease with which you got pregnant. (You don't give the name of your blog so I have no idea how long or easy it was, but whatever your story there is always someone who has tried for longer, thrown more money at it and / or suffered more as a result of their infertility).

This doesn't mean they think you are 'faking', simply that the nature of support they can give you has run its course. Don't take it personally.

My modus operandi is to comment less but still check-in during a pregnancy then slip quietly away once the baby is safely born and all is right with the world.  I could give you a very altruistic explanation for this. I could say it upsets me to read people apologising for being pregnant because they are conscious of their infertile readers, this is true to an extent but much of it comes from no longer having that common cause to relate to. I wish them well but it is time for both of us to move on: them to "Mummy blogger" territory me to the latest influx of new, barren recruits.

Best wishes,

Womb for Improvement

Hmmmm. This was a rather gag free post, feel free to send in a light-hearted problem.





5 comments:

  1. Great response though Aunty Womby. Exactly what I feel but put so beautifully.

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  2. I agree with your advice...it just happens that way...however, after having my baby I have found an increase in followers. All IFers. Some still in the "trenches" and others who have had a successful treatment.

    As always you have a special way with words...

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  3. I know I am EXTREMELY and HUMILIATINGLY late to the party on this one. Aunty Womb-y's advice is spot-on. She's a wise, kind person.

    I'd only add, dear Anon, a question. When YOU were still in the trenches, and it was awful (and it is awful, whether it's only been two years or ten), how did you feel about fellow IFers who got pregnant? Can you genuinely, hand-on-heart, pinky-swear you NEVER felt that indigestible, lurching, happy-for-them-sad-for-you? You never felt they'd scrambled out of the trench into the green sunlit uplands without you? You never felt nonplussed and lost for words in the face of a post on nursery planning? Are you sure there are no IF blogs you quietly sidled away from once they started blogging about onesies and nappies and breast-pumps? And when you sidled away from these bloggers, was it EVER because you thought they'd somehow 'faked' their infertility and didn't DESERVE support, or was it always because you needed, first and foremost and quite-rightly, to protect your own heart?

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm late to this too ... but we tried for two years and while I was sad for myself at every single pregnancy / birth announcement ... I was also genuinely happy for people I cared about. And others that had struggled to get pregnant and eventually made it, while it was hard and I still terribly scared that I was doomed to be childless ... they did give me hope.

    IF doesn't go away because you have a baby. The hurt of that stays with you. And non IF'ers that hear you're pregnant don't understand how awesome, how truly awesome it is. Sometimes only your fellow IF friends understand how amazing it is for you, so when they leave you ... it can be quite painful.

    Not discounting anything that was said here ... having been on both sides ... I know the tight rope of emotions that this evokes. But being abandoned by people that walked the road with you doesn't feel good, even if they are just doing it to protect themselves.

    ReplyDelete
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