Monday, 27 August 2012

Baseball Agony

Dear Aunty Lizzie

My DH’s best friend talks about his kid’s baseball team ALL THE TIME!  The kid is young (under 12); it’s not like he’s on his way to the Pro’s for f’in sake!!! How do I make him realize that the way Johnny holds a bat is not INTERESTING!!!

Thank you for your help,

Sincerely

Up to my ass in baseball lingo and I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!

P.S. Drinking doesn’t help because the guy will drink too and it makes the baseball talk WORSE!!!


Dear Ass Full of Baseball

There are a few different approaches you can try, and from the sounds of it you'll have plenty of opportunity to try each one as I doubt you'll find success quickly. This sounds like a deeply ingrained problem.

1) The passive aggressive approach

Every time he boast about his son's achievements say something along the lines of:

"You are so right to encourage him in sport - academic achievement isn't everything."

"How many home runs? Well, at least that must help with his counting."

"Hitting a ball must really help him with the aggression that he clearly can't articulate."

Of course the worry with this approach is it might stop Dad talking about baseball but he'll replace it with his other achievements to prove his son isn't a one-dimensional fool.

2) Blank the topic

When dad says:

"So Johnny is trying the Babe Ruth* grip this week"

(*see, I can do topical)

You say:

"Can you believe Todd Akin's** comments?"

(**This is practically satire it is so up to date)

He says:

"Of course, Johnny could be in the over 14's squad but the coach wants to keep him because he inspires his team mates."

You say:

"Have you seen the Bourne Legacy? I hear Matt Damon isn't even in it, how do they do that?"

He says:

"I think they are going to win the little league this season."

You say:

"What about them Lakers?"

He might get the hint.

3) Bribe the coach

Get him kicked off the team. You might find that the Dad isn't so keen to talk about his son's achievement's then. Although he might start talking about the court case he is preparing for to sue the ass off the coach.

4) Turn it into a game

You and your DH need to have a set of ten phrases each and the first one who can get him to say all ten wins. This won't stop him chatting all his baseball shite. But it will mean that you won't care so much and actually, as you try to draw him into saying the winning phrases, you will go balls-deep into the subject.

5) The direct approach

When he starts talking about the baseball team say, "I'm really sorry but I'm just not into baseball", but don't leave it there. It is likely that he will resent your comment, because he hasn't realised quite how bad his verbal diarrhoea is, so you go in with the zinger:

"I mean I know that  Johnny hit XX last season, and that his nemises is XXX, and that when X he always Y." (I can't even begin to make these stats up but you'll know).

Throw in seven or eight examples of what he has told you recently and he will only be able to conceed that he might talk about the team a little too much.

6) Move house and change phone numbers

If I am honest from what you've written about his obsession then this might be your best, and only, option.

Good Luck!

WFI



7 comments:

  1. I laughed so much reading this post! Thank you! My favorite is the game.

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  2. Love #4. Except you missed the perfect opportunity to make the game even more fun, by having the winning participant shout "bingo" when all 10 of their phrases have been said.

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  3. I love 1, 2, and 4. I confess to using them myself. Because I am Not Very Nice.

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  4. Love this!!

    Signed Up to my Ass in Baseball!! :)

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I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!