Monday, 30 July 2012

Hanging Out With The Pregnants

With my friends popping out babies left, right and centre (mainly centre, that is just the way biology rolls) I figure I have three choices:

1. Spare myself the pain of hanging out with pregnants and kiddies by building new friendships with non-parents, whilst being aware that there is a high turnover rate within this new demographic as they quickly slip into parenthood.

2. Spend my days with the husband like a two-person penal colony with no interaction with anyone else.

3. Deal with it and ensure that I don’t sink into child avoidance by keeping my tolerance up with frequent exposure to bumps and babes.

I have gone for option three, with a vengeance.

The last three weekends have seen me spending significant time with newborns and pregnant ladies.

I think I am getting better.

Weekend one: I burst into tears the minute my pregnant friend (big up to Caroline No) and mother friend (Granine of the snarky comments) greeted me.

Weekend two: I waited until half way through our afternoon birthday tea whilst discussing my next IVF strategy with the IVF-enhanced and bulgingly pregnant wombmate and T, with her two tiny people, before I turned on the waterworks.

Weekend three: when we finally met our five-week-old niece (on the husband’s side) up in Dundee I got through the whole weekend without shedding a tear.

The last feat was made even more impressive by the fact my mother-in-law (and I say this with the caveat of being incredibly lucky with the in-laws because I think they are brilliant and adore them) kept saying “take note” or “remember that” to me every time my not-quite-sister-in-law extolled the virtues of epidurals or nipple covers. At one point though she clearly realised I wasn't convinced I would ever need to take note as she gave me a little squeeze and assured me that “it would happen”.

I wish I shared her confidence.


  1. Oh the 'It will happen' said with such certainty, and always from someone who has already been down the road of parenthood. I wish I could share their confidence too. It hasn't happened, and that, at the moment is the problem.

  2. Got everything crossed. It's blimmin' unfair. Brunch was a bit ridiculous, what with an actual baby sitting on the table at one point. You handled it with aplomb, which is more than can be said than my handling of your (very brief) waterworks. 'Granine, tell a joke!'

    Hope we can do it soon. (Altho will be understandable if you want to take a bumps n babies sabbatical!)


  3. Yes - people are so inconsiderate to run around having babies all the time. Don't they know you need a break? :)

    Glad you're not opting for the 2 person penal colony. That gets old fast, no matter how charming the company.

  4. While not ridding myself of hanging out with friends with kids entirely, I have elected rather firmly to avoid children's birthday parties. Many people seem to wrongly assume that the sight of young children playing together makes me sad; that is in fact very incorrect - given that I want children very badly, seeing them play together certainly doesn't cause sadness on my part. What makes me sad, rather, is the grouping of parents sitting around, watching the children and swapping stories and complaints about child rearing. I also tend to avoid baby showers for obvious reasons. I've found that small get togethers with friends and their often adorable children are getting easier. Good on you for being persistent. Your strength, as usual, is admirable.

  5. People think they're being helpful, don't they?

  6. Ugh all of those options suck! Good for you making it through those get togethers, I think drinking would help although it might increase the chance of waterworks.

  7. Oh man. I know they mean well and are hopeful for you, and all that. But it feels empty and like a brush-off - it's like when people tell you the man of your dreams is just around the corner. Or the job of your dreams. Where do they get this information, is what I'd like to know? Hmph.

    Go easy on yourself. Go home early or not at all, or whatever you feel like.

  8. I don't know how you do it. And can you tell me? My sister announced her pregnancy on the day I found out my last ivf failed (last week). I have to go to dinner with her and my father this week, and I cannot face it. It isn't her, although i am pretty upset with her timing, she KNEW about what was happening, but my father has been harping on about grandkids for years. I can't do it.

    OH, I hate the it will happen for you thing. What if it doesn't?

  9. I admire you for going with Option #3. I was pretty much a one-woman penal colony (with occasional conjugal visits).

    In all seriousness, I don't think you need to pick one option and stick with it 100% of the time. It's okay to take a few weekends off (and after three in a row, you deserve it). It's also okay to draw your line in the sand, for yourself, to say: I'll do this but no way in hell am I going to do that. I did not attend baby showers for several years. It was my, um, thing. My friends understood, or said they did. And they got over it. Or have appeared to. I agree with Twangy. Whatever you do, go easy on yourself.

    As far as that comment, I hate it passionately. It never helped me, even when it came from someone I loved and dripping in the best of intentions.

  10. How come I don't get a 'big up'?

  11. ohhh, the confidence... if only...

    hugs for you

  12. Ugh. I hated hearing that comment - and it always came from my mother to make matters worse.

    I admire your determination to get through these events. I know how hard it is and I am hoping like crazy that one day you'll be attending with a little one (or 2) and can actually enjoy them.

  13. I have recently found that option 3 is working quite well for me too. Big hugz hon. I believe it will happen too.

  14. I don't know if you are seeing the same commercials as me but if you are I'm sure you've noticed all the Thank you Mom commercials during the Olympics. I thought I only had to deal with those commercials in May. Grrr!

  15. I just found you blog today, and I'm absolutely staying! I love the style you write <3

    My english maybe bad, but I'll try to leave a comment now and then.

    Our trip trough infertility has been ongoing for 4,5years now, and we're starting IVF #2 soon after failed IVF #1 + 3 FETs.

    You're most welcome to visit my blog also. I don't write, but I make pictures about the feelings this shit creates in me.

  16. Just implanted (again)26 August 2012 at 14:03

    My mums choice comment is 'so, anything to tell me?'...... Yes she knows when we are cycling and in between but that doesn't seem to make a difference..... Aaaarrrrggggghhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!


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