The husband got off the phone. "I hadn't spoken to him since ... you know."
In the last post I referred to "recent events."
The doctor called it a 'missed miscarriage'.
The leaflet I was given refers to 'early embryonic demise'.
When we were on holiday we talked about "um ... *cough* ...things". Until we had a conversation about what exactly to call "things".
Regardless it being factually incorrect in this instance I hate the word miscarriage. It implies that we are at fault. We miss-carried like Hilary Clinton miss-spoke. I was carrying perfectly well, so well in fact that despite the embryo's heart beat stopping I kept carrying until the two were forcibly removed from my womb, and even now tissue lingers.
'Loss' is another term often used. Again, however, there was no losing involved I knew exactly where they were. Although I suppose I lost a version of the future that I was getting quite attached to.
We tried out a few new names.
The husband suggested IVFgate. I wasn't convinced, it sounded a bit too light-hearted for what we've been through, but then making light of things helps me through difficult times and it is a hell of a lot better than 'dead babies'. (Babygate was also suggested but that has more of a health and safety vibe than we were looking for).
I was rooting for The Death Womb, but even the husband felt that was a little too dark (and whilst arguing against it took the opportunity to remove all sharp objects out of my reach).
So IVFgate it has become.