Wednesday, 16 May 2012

How to miscarry at eight and a half weeks


Follow these simple steps:
  • Delete the iPhone app that gives you daily pregnancy updates 
  • Unsubscribe from the email that sends you weekly foetus and fruit size comparisons
  • Turn off your phone's medication reminder app
  • Take down the embryo photo from the fridge
  • Text sisters
  • Ask a sister to call Dad
  • Get the husband to call his mum
  • Email / text friends
  • Buy pillow-sized sanitary pads
  • Delete the Pinterest nursery board that you started, but at least had the decency to name “Too Soon?”
  • Cry
  • Try to eat because despite the lack of heartbeat something is still giving you morning sickness
  • Take down the Congratulations card your in-laws sent
  • Put it in a box with the pregnancy tests, hesitate before putting in the bin
  • Stock up on strong pain killers, despite knowing they’ll only help with physical pain
  • Wait




70 comments:

  1. It's the worst kind of deathwatch, even when you know it's already happened. I'm sending you giant karmic hugs. Not that they remotely help with anything.

    (It once took me over a year to bin +tests...it's okay if you remove them from the bin. Also okay if you leave them there.)

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  2. I've been there - not to the degree you have, but trying so long, positive pg test and then miscarriage. It hurts, no one can say anything to make it better. Just time...

    Take the time you need to be pissed at everything, cry, swear, act badly.

    I ended up getting pregnant again 1 yr after the mc. Funny part is, I never knew how many people miscarry, after I did so many other women I knew told me their story.

    You did get pregnant, you will try again. In the meantime, just giving hugs & thinking about you, so very sorry.

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  3. I rarely comment on any blog, but I have followed your story for the last few years. I'm so sorry you are going through this. It's a double whammy kind of hell learning about "non-viability" during a scan - at least it was for me. No signs or warnings that anything was wrong, just the sad faces at the doctor's office.

    Hang in there and let your loved ones take care of you. You've worked so hard to get to this point and have had such a journey...I so wish you weren't facing this m/c. Sending you strength and courage to face the coming weeks.

    Lesley

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  4. I'm so sorry. My first pregnancy ended in a missed miscarriage as well. *hugs*

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  5. I'm pretty sure "Cry" should be on there a few more times...

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  6. I know those same steps and that wait and I am so incredibly sorry that you're going through this.

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  7. Those steps are too accurate. :( Crying with you. Sending as much cyber support as I can.

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  8. Fuck.
    Gutted for ye, sorry.

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  9. It is the worst feeling to wait to miscarry. I am thinking of you. So sorry you are going through this.

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  10. Really sorry about your loss. It might be too soon, but you might also add
    - think positive, a lot of people undergo lots of IVF treatment and never even get to see a BFP (sorry I know this doesn't help right now)
    - consider immune treatment next time
    - probably change clinic (the ARGC seem to have great success rates)

    Sorry if this doesn't help, but I really think you will be successful in the end.

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  11. Wishing I could send peace and comfort of some kind but I know I can't.

    Abiding with you.

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  12. *hugs* I have had to follow those steps as well. I am so sorry for your loss.

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  13. Oh I am so very sorry to hear this news. Just absolutely 100% awful. And so horrible to be waiting and waiting for it to be over. I don't suppose you considered an ERPC? I found it easier than waiting. YMMV.

    Absolutely 100% gutted for you.

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  14. Please please please universe let this not be physically rough on you. So hoping for that small mercy at least.

    The hanging around waiting, feeling like a walking coffin, is one of the shittiest things that has ever happened to me. I cannot tell you how extremely bloody sorry I am that it has happened to you. So many hugs.

    (I still have two + pregnancy tests, years later. I can bear to throw them away even less now).

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    Replies
    1. I kept the + test from the baby I lost 1t 10 weeks. It is a physical reminder that she was real.

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  15. The last step is: know that people are here for you
    X

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  16. I wish there was something I could do to be helpful or make this hurt less. We are all here. For you.

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  17. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Huge hugs your way.

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  18. You are one of the strongest people I have ever encountered on these sites. You will survive all of this crap, and what you so desperately desire WILL be yours one day. A little birdie told me so....... Hugs.

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  19. my heart goes out to you. sending strength your way.

    Mo

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  20. I'm so very sorry. It's not fair to want and try for so long only to have it taken from you. I've been there. Sending you strength to get through this horrible nightmare.

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  21. Ugh -- this journey sucks no matter how you look at it. I'm so sorry it is a journey you have to take.

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  22. I wish I had magic words of wisdom for you, but it hurts like hell emotionally and at the last bit, physically. You will get through this. I know you are strong. Remember that we are all out here ready whenever you need us. You are very much not alone in this moment.

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  23. Your pain is my pain. I have been through the exact same thing. IVF success to a an ultrasound with no heartbeat. Stiff upper lip kept all the emotions inside for the week it took me to schedule the D/C (only because I thought I could get the whole horrid affair over quicker). The stupid triage nurse kept prodding me with unimportant questions until she made me cry. Then I went back to work within 2 hours but the emotional trauma had me crying for a week solid. I am not joking, cried when I woke up, cried in the shower, cried when dressing, cried on the drive to work, cried at lunchtime, cried in the bathroom at work.. you get the picture. I was physically unable to stop myself from crying, it was the end of the world, the whole episode I was outside of myself. My body was physically and mentally grieving. Terrible stuff.
    My wish for you, who dammint! deserves for it to have worked, is to experience as few symptoms as possible both physical and emotional. Sending you much love from Phoenix.

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  24. A hug is sent your way, sad for you! I pray someday you will have your very own baby to hold and hug!!!

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  25. Effing shit. I'm sorry. :(

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  26. Another sometime lurker sending my deepest sympathies. Unfortunately, I'm another one of the ones familiar with this - my first pregnancy was a missed miscarriage just like this, and my second was a chemical pregnancy after IVF. I'm so so deeply sorry that anyone has to go through this, much less someone whose road to TTC has been as long and difficult as yours. Maybe it can help to hear that I did eventually get my body to hang onto a baby and carry him to full term, and I wish so much that your story likewise will someday have a happy ending.

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  27. I wish there was more to say. I'm just so heartbroken for you.

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  28. There is no easy way to miscarry, no matter when it happens. I hate that you are here in this crappy place and, having been there, I know there are no good words to say to make things better. This just sucks.

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  29. I'm sorry. This whole this is bloody awful.

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  30. I've followed your blog for a while and have never commented. I am very, very sorry. Miscarriages fucking suck. I've had one so all I can say is the only thing that will make you feel better is time. I wish saying something would make you feel better, but I know it won't. Take the time for yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

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  31. This whole thing fucking sucks.

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  32. I think you could have put cry in there three or four more times and it would not be enough.

    There is very little that can be said that makes it better-. It is very hard and I am so sorry that you have to go through it.

    I would add one more item to the list- planned responses for the more common insensitive things people say.

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  33. My heart goes out to you and thinking of you while you wait xoxo

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  34. I am so very sorry to read of your loss. My heart is breaking for you. You and your husband are in my thoughts.

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  35. Oh Liz...I am soooo sooo very sorry. I have had this same experience and I remember how devastating this is. Sending you so many cyber hugs. My heart hurts for you.
    Kd

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  36. Waiting is so awful. Thinking of you xx

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  37. I am so sorry. thinking of you
    hugs

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  38. I am so very sorry. Praying for you x

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  39. My heart is breaking for you. I have wanted this for you for the longest time and this is all just completely shit. I am gutted for you. M/C was one of the hardest times in my life and I send you huge hugs.

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  40. I've been there - I know there are no words, but you aren't alone. I'm so sorry.

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  41. Oh Liz... I've been here and its a horrible place. I am so sorry this is happening to you.

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  42. Oh, Liz. So sorry you have to live through these awful, heartbreaking times.

    With you all the way.

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  43. It helped me to make a memory box to acknowledge that our baby actually existed albeit for 14 short weeks. So maybe fish the positive tests and congratulations card out of the bin for now...
    Xx

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  44. I'm so sorry about your loss. I did the exact same thing at 8 1/2 weeks - it's awful...

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  45. Oh I can only tell you that I am praying for you! Hugs sending your way.

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  46. Sigh- I've been here, with all the deleting and the 8.5 week heartbeat stoppage. My rather unique addition to the list above was to fly halfway across the world, back to be with my family (I'm TTCing as a single mom) and a transcontinental 30 hour flight at this point is a special brand of hell.

    You'll get through this. And one day, you'll have a baby that gets to make it all the way to 9 months, and to your arms. Thinking of you.

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  47. I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. There are no words, no behaviours, no insights. Just I'm sorry.

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  48. Oh this is shit news. I'm so sorry and will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

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  49. I am so sorry. My experiences mirror yours, unfortunately. It is soul crushing. I am here if you want to cry.
    ejules00@hotmail.com
    Erika

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  50. Wanting to cry for you. I wish I didn't know how this felt; I wish you weren't going through it. Hugs and hugs and hugs.

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  51. I'm so sorry. This is completely unfair. I don't often comment, but I always read and I was so hoping that this was going to be your chance. (((hugs)))

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  52. I am so sorry to hear of this. My heart and prayers go to you and your husband. Steph x

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  53. So sorry. Know how you feel unfortunately. Be strong.x

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  54. So,so, so sorry for your loss. It's the sisterhood that no-one wants to join with far too many members already. Take all the time you need to grieve however you need to. It will hit you in different ways at different times and it's a long road but it does get easier. Praying for you as you walk this valley. x

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  55. I'm so sorry. This just plain sucks, and I know all too well that there is nothing that can be said that will ease the pain right now. Abiding with you - we get it, so please do not hesitate to put it all out here if it helps you at all. I'm so sorry.

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  56. Just popping in to send you love.....

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  57. Conceptionally Challenged19 May 2012 at 08:11

    Oh no. I'm so very sorry. :(
    Hugs.

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  58. Oh NO! I'm so sorry. So unfair.

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  59. I fucking hate this for you. Just...fucking hate it. Holding your hand quietly from very far away, friend. XX

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  60. I don't know you but I want to hug you. I'm sorry you're going through this.

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  61. silent tears for you and yours.

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  62. Miscarriage is an unfortunate incident for a woman. If you have experienced getting pregnant after miscarriage, then most likely your next pregnancy will take its toll on you. You might experience anxiety on the physical as well as on the emotional level.

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I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!