Friday, 25 May 2012

Has It Really Been That Long?


Today marks four years since my first post (the earlier ones were back dated by me).

Four years ago I thought:

  • That I was probably over-reacting about not being able to get pregnant and it would most likely happen soon
  • That I'd get bored of blogging pretty quickly, maybe after a couple of months
  • That clomid was spelt with an 'h'

I was wrong on all counts.


The first two and three quarter years of this blog were pretty uneventful, the odd doctor's appointment punctuating many, many months on birth control as the doctors sought to control my womb lining. Things only really kicked off last January with IVF and since then I've had four rounds back to back.


The last three months have really seen things hotting up. At long last a pregnancy, and I thought this was it. However, it was too short-lived and this morning I had an operation described by the consultant as a 'removal of the products of conception.'

I'm at home now recovering.

Physically I feel Ok.

Emotionally I am wavering between relief that it is over and I can start thinking about recovery, and tearfully mourning the loss of what could, and should, have been.

However, I am not inconsolable.

I got pregnant. For the first time in 5 and a half years of trying, my womb actually managed to let not just one but two embryos implant. Next time maybe they will stick around.

And there WILL be a next time. I have three embryos in the freezer and they need their Mummy! We will try again.

But not just yet. First, we need time to recover.

And lets hope it won't take another four years of blogging before a full-term, healthy pregnancy.



20 comments:

  1. Thinking of you ((HUGS))

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  2. You're amazing. It is great to hear that you are still filled with hope. I hope your recovery goes smoothly for you. Thinking of you...

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  3. Glad you're thinking this way (moving forward). When we miscarried that was how I felt, now I knew I could get pregnant and was determined to keep trying. A year we did get pregnant, live birth, healthy baby. You'll worry the entire pregnancy, but you would anyway - all pregnant women do. It will happen, it's just a matter of time.

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  4. Its all nuts.

    Good on you, mind yourselves.

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  5. I'm really sorry, what an ordeal for you. I'd like to add, I think you are absolutely terrific, ive read a lot of fertility related posts, and you are the champion of champions.

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  6. I'm so glad you've just said this. I was so tempted to tell you that a pregnancy is definitely progress, but afraid you might have told me to shove my 'look on the bright side' comment where the sun shouldn't shine. I'm mightily glad the positive thinking is all your own. After your rest let's hope the medics arm those in the freezer with womb crampons.
    You go girl!

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  7. Wishing you speedy recovery and a very healthy pregnancy very soon, ending with that beautiful take home baby/babies.

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  8. Pleased you are feeling ok physically. The emotional side will take longer. Pleased you will go again when you are ready. Take time to recover, eat chocolate, that always helps. X

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  9. I am more than sorry to have this be where you are at right now. I am also sorry that you had to have the D&C. My only tip as a vet of those is that they tend to make you feel "robbed" as your hormones crash just after. It's perfectly normal, but leaves you out of sorts more than you think. Be kind to yourself. I will say little prayers for those iced embryos that you get the contender you deserve to occupy womb-land.

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  10. Your attitude, strength, and outlook on life are amazing. There's no doubt in my mind you will be a great mom someday. I know you'd prefer sooner than later but it will happen. You really are an inspiration to all women. Take all the time you need to heal. You'll know when the time is right to try again.

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  11. Amen. (Which I naturally mean in the most figurative of senses).

    I'm glad you're feeling okay. Glad it's over. Glad you're not inconsolable. And glad that you feel this way. It's the right approach to take. You will get there.

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  12. I hope your healing is smooth and easy. I'm glad to hear that you're prepared to try again.

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  13. Keep breathing. Recreate. Be good to you. It is hard hard hard. Today there are way more options than 40 years ago, which does not make it easier. So keep breathing when it is tough and keep recreating and love the people in your life today. It does help.

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  14. It is not an easy road, and you are doing the best you can! Hugs!

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  15. So glad to read your positive mood in the face of all you've been through. You are right - you are so much closer to it happening now. With you every step you incredible woman.
    xx

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  16. Sending lots of continued healing thoughts your way. Thise embryos definitely need their mummy.

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  17. Happy blog-versary and so glad you kept blogging all this time... love your blog and really hope the year to come brings you all the joy and happiness in the world xoxo

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  18. Happy 4th blogoversary! Hoping for a speedy recovery and a long healthy pregnancy soon. Glad to see you looking to the future. Hugz!

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  19. Wishing you the very best. I'm so glad you have this support network to help you through.

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  20. Confused by your most recent post... Thinking about you and hoping all is ok

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I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!