Sunday, 8 April 2012

Just call me JLo

I finally understand what Jennifer Lopez feels like. Not because of my string of celebrity boyfriends, my diva-like behaviour, or because I have a set of twins brewing in my uterus. (Although fingers crossed for the latter).

It is because people seem to be suddenly obsessed with my arse.

The husband has started his nightly bumming. Not sex-wise but injections. Sober or drunk he manages to make a good stab at it. (Do you see what I did there? Comedy gold, I tells you).

This has been going on for over a week and I have a rump so tender it’d make wagyu beef weep with jealousy. As a result if I am lying on the bed reading (or more likely playing an iPhone game) I now favour lying on my front. I may as well paint a big target on my bum, it has seemingly become irresistible to the husband who will come into the bedroom and gleefully pat out a rhythm on my behind before my shrieks remind him that it is a bruised posterior and he quickly retreats.

On Tuesday, the day before the embryo transfer, I treated myself and cashed in a voucher for a neck and shoulder massage. NECK and SHOULDER. So what does the masseuse do? Tells me she starts at the tail bone, whips down my pants and starts pummelling my buttocks like an over-enthusiastic baker.

I squeaked; “I’m quite bruised there please don’t do that.”

She paused, and I felt her eyes boring into my exposed cheek. “What is it?” She asked imagining (or so I imagined) some hard core S&M action (that phrase’ll do wonders for my google hits). “An injection” I mumble.

The rest of the massage was uneventful. At the end she said that she felt the lump but assumed it was a pulled muscle hence the special attention she’d given it.

Lucky me.

I keep going with the injections until test day. A negative and I stop, a positive I keep going for another 8 weeks.

And much as I hate them I reckon you can guess which outcome I am hoping for.


19 comments:

  1. In that case, I wish you sore, bruised buttocks for at least another two months.

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  2. Ditto on wishes for a well tenderized posterior. If it gets bad and you must sit upright, I can vouch for the strange ergonomic chairs that fold you into a lazy z, resting on knees and lightly on ass. Otherwise, a standup desk has been a godsend as I tried to recover from a bruised tailbone.

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  3. Keeping everything crossed for a sore arse for the next 9-odd weeks

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  4. Oh Liz...I remember that tender rump! I found icing it before the injection really helps alot to alleviate that. But I do hope you have to continue with the injections for 9 more weeks! Yay!!!
    kd

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  5. Clenching mine in sympathy - hopefully for months to come.


    (Funny the things you find yourself writing in comments.)

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  6. I never thought I'd see so many wishes for a sore behind! Add mine to the list...

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  7. Wishing you a sore ass for many weeks to come (for all the right reasons of course).

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  8. Ouch.... hoping that the injections need to continue but aren't so painful :( FXd for you xoxo

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  9. Oy they suck. I have to start mine next week. My suggestions? Heat after and rub. I do my own shots and then the husband is in charge of the heating pad and rubbing.

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  10. Why not crinone suppositories? I'll take cooter shots over ass shots any day! Either way I wish you the best luck when's your beta?

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  11. Ouch, I remember those shots. Remember to heat the oil a bit before you inject, then use a heating pad and massage afterwards. It really does help. Hang in there, it will all be worth it if this works!!

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  12. Ouch! But, seriously, I hope those buttocks stay sore and swollen for quite some time.

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  13. I would type more, but it's difficult with all my fingers crossed...

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  14. Crossing everything for you! I too hope you have bruised butt and little one/s growing beautifully for a long time.

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  15. hoping for a positive result! We do our transfer tomorrow. We can be in it together!

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  16. I tagged you in a Q&A!

    http://itsgonnahappen.wordpress.com/2012/04/11/q-a/

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  17. May you flinch at the sight of wooden chairs for many, many days to come.

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I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!