Wednesday, 16 November 2011

Injections: My Arse (this title is intended to be taken literally)

Yesterday I re-met my nemesis.

Remember the case of the intramuscular injection and the wrong needle?  Well it turned out that although I was using the wrong needle in terms of girth, I was using the right length of needle just a thicker one.

How do I know this?  Because yesterday I had to restart the injections, and this time I was careful to talk - at length - with the nurse about which needle I was to use.

I needed to add Prontogest to my cocktail of drugs as yesterday's blood test (it never stops) showed my progesterone levels were low. I forgot to ask about the numbers, probably because I was so intent on getting the right needles.

So now I am going to share with you my patented* 'How To Get an Intra-Muscular Injection' instructions honed from minutes of internet research and condensed into these simple steps.

  1. Find yourself an injector.  I chose the husband but feel free to grab a passer-by from the street.
  2. Prepare the needle yourself so that you can be confident that you have got rid of all the air bubbles and ARE USING THE CORRECT NEEDLE. I cannot stress this enough (yes you can. Ed)  I use a 40mm x 0.8mm one.
  3. Strip from the waist down and lie prostrate on the bed yelling at your injecting partner to turn off the telly (actually, strike my earlier point about using a passer-by) and come through and inject you.
  4. The injection needs to be in the upper outside quarter of your buttock. To find this imagine a cross intersecting the center of one bum cheek. You got it?
  5. Rather than lying flat on your front, lie on the side that isn't being injected and throw your injecting buttock leg forward so you are almost in the recovery position.
  6. Wrap your pillow round your face and say "I don't want this, this is going to hurt. Help!"
  7. Apparently wiggling the toes of the active buttock leg whilst the needle goes in helps with the pain. Whilst in a pillow-faced position, my legs half crossed and the husband straddling me I find it hard to work out which toes are moving so I wiggle both, whilst screaming "Wiggle, wiggle, wiggle" to distract myself from the pain.
  8. Clean the injection area with an alcohol wipe.
  9. Get your injection-partner to chatter constantly during the procedure. The husband favours a patronising patter along the lines of: "Its going in. You're doing really well. Wiggle, wiggle. Well done. You're brilliant. Wiggle, wiggle. Keep wiggling."
  10. Once the needle is in the injector needs to pull the syringe back a bit to make sure there is no blood.
  11. Then plunge all the liquid in.
  12. Slowly withdraw the needle. Ensure that your partner does NOT continue to say things like "Well done, it is still coming out, keep wiggling" for a full 30 seconds after the needle has been removed. That is just nasty (I hope you're reading this Husband).
  13. Wipe away any blood and feel rightly proud of yourself for getting through it.

So that is one down, I have to keep going until test day, longer if it is positive. I just hope it is worth it.

*it is not patented. Can you even patent an instruction?


  1. I got to do that once. By myself. I didn't have enough arms for pillow hugging. I think your way is better. :)

  2. I still cannot believe you endured that giant needle for so long. Every time I see a mixing needle I cringe and thing of you!

  3. Call it a "manoeuvre" instead. Like the Heimlich. You may get royalties! :)

  4. Ouchy so sorry the yoohoo suppositories aren't doing the trick. My husband SUCKED at giving me shots in the arse so much so I got one of my co-workers to do, yup my colleague saw my arse.

  5. OWOWOWOWOW *faints*

  6. WOW... ouch !! I'm glad that I only have to deal with tiny Clexane injections. So sorry that you have to go through all this... hoping it's all worth it in the end :)) FXd xoxo

  7. O my sorry you have to go through that. I love your way though.

  8. Oh, yeah, I'm all about the wiggle, though. I do it when I'm at the doctor and they're doing something uncomfortable. I've had nurses ask me if I'm OK. It just moves my focus away from whatever the hell they're doing.

  9. Brilliant! Only step I would add is between #11 and #12: Count slowly to 5 (while wishing it would be over more quickly).

    Best instructions evah!

  10. Ooft, I feel queasy just reading about it. Think I might need a lie down. You're very brave to be going through all this, you know.

  11. brings tears to the eyes! brilliant to see that you have 2 blasts on board. everything is crossed xx

  12. Nice blog. Akums Drugs & Pharmaceuticals Limited, Haridwar, (India), is globally recognized WHO-GMP, ISO 9001:2008. ISO 14001:2004 and QMS-HACCP certificates which have been implemented and granted by international systems after comprehensive and strict examination. Akums honors Safety Health Atmosphere (SHE), U.K.-M.H.R.A. and U.S.-FDA. Liquid Injections


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