Saturday, 29 October 2011

Mesmerising

A friend of mine puts the success of her last IVF down, in no small part, to hypnotherapy, and with a beautiful baby girl born in August who am I to argue with her?

She sent me a CD which I diligently listened to before, and during, IVF number one and two. Obviously it didn’t work, but I wondered whether that was my fault. I don’t think I ever managed to listen to the whole CD without falling asleep – and whilst one could argue that my sub-conscious was still listening away and diligently making notes my dreams certainly didn’t reflect the visualisations of a welcoming womb that I was supposed to be imagining.

But I haven’t given up on it.

There is one major thing that is missing from this round of IVF:

Hope.

I just can’t picture it working, I am still doing all the normal IVF preparation but without the excitement of previous rounds. I feel like I have already decided this round won’t work, and regardless of whether you believe that will have any impact on the outcome it isn’t much fun to deal with.

So I decided some direct intervention was needed and I booked myself in for some hypnotherapy.

Even the cynical husband agreed it was a good thing for me to do. But I suspect he only wanted me to go because he relishes asking me about my mesmerist.

The mesmerist (bloody husband) hypnotherapist has clearly had a lot of experience with infertility. As she went through my history she didn’t have a problem with terms like blastocysts and endometrium and she asked the sort of questions that she should have asked. She was equally unperturbed by my tears, “Most people cry when they see me” she remarked cheerfully.

The hypnosis itself was totally non-invasive. No pocket watches were used and at no point did I feel out of control. This concerned me a bit, I wondered whether I was thinking too much – as she counted down from ten at the start to put me in a relaxed state she told me that with each number I would feel ten percent lighter and more relaxed. As it was, for the first few numbers I worried that I couldn’t determine whether I was 10% more relaxed or not, and began fretting that it wasn’t working.

When about halfway through I developed an itchy eye this was also a source of concern, surely I reasoned – whilst at the same time trying to picture myself on a beach – if I was truly ‘under’ my physical body would have no hold on me and I wouldn’t notice that I really, really wanted to rub my eye. (I did and afterwards she said that was the right thing to do, as it was distracting me from the visualisation.)

But something clearly worked. I felt wonderfully chilled out when I left and last night I practiced the visualisations again and had a great night sleep.

Am I now convinced that the next round is going to be the one? No, not yet. But I think it could be.

Besides if I was convinced now there’d be no reason to go back next week, would there?



10 comments:

  1. I'm glad to hear you've found something that may allow hope back in. Im intrigued, and can't wait to head about the next appointment! Wishing you all the best this time around!

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  2. If it works for you, it WORKS. Having a minute of calm in this stuff is worth it's weight in Gold. That's all that matters.

    Good luck this cycle.

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  3. Huh - I've always been curious about those things. Some people swear that hypnosis cures smoking, so don't see why it can't have an impact on other things.

    I know what you mean about not having any hope. Once you get to the third one I think it's inevitable not to believe it's going to work. I am in the same place.

    I think it's great if this helps you be positive. I also think you should allow yourself to not feel positive, because that is totally understandable. The truth is, your level of hopefulness is probably not going to impact whether this works for you, although it may help you get through the experience more easily. So let yourself off the hook. Just don't want you to blame yourself for not being positive/hopeful enough if this doesn't work for some reason - I have done that to myself in the past when people have told me about positive visualization and I realized that wasn't helping either!

    I can't wait to hear about your next appointment - and thanks for sharing!

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  4. Whatever works right? I had zero hope that my last FET would work even went out after the blood draw and bought a nice bottle of wine. Didn't get to drink it for 9 months!

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  5. I had the worst attitude this IVF round. I s resentful angry and pissed off. You know what it worked and told me that when your body wants to accept it, it will. And I had moepre drugs in me than a street kid in fitzroy and ultimately that's what got me over the line. However being chilled out is just important in general. You can't go 6 weeks wanting to drop kick someone all the time!!

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  6. Hope, no hope - whatever. What's important is that the whole affair is incredibly stressful, and this helped you feel less stressed. That's a win for the future regardless of what else happens - you have a strategy that helps you get a good night's sleep.

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  7. I am so glad you found something that helped you in some way. Anything that helps is a good thing. I haven't done any medically helped cycles yet which is probably why I still am full of hope. Sending some of my hope your way!

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  8. Hi... here from Cyclesistas :) Hypnosis is meant to be great to help with IVF... great that you felt so calm after your session :) I'm cycling with you and would love to share this roller-coaster journey with you. I have a private blog at newyearmum2.blogspot.com... email me on newyearmum@gmail.com or comment on my updater blog and I can send you an access link. FXd for you xoxo

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  9. You have to have hope. The body listens. Also, have you heard of Circle and Bloom? They have a series that you listen to at night for each day of your IVF and it relaxes you. It talks about IVF a bit, but mostly just relaxes your body and lets you sleep. I did it and I loved it. Good luck. I have faith you will have a child soon...

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  10. Glad to hear the mesmerist (I can't help but use that word, it's just awesome) helped! Sometimes I think just finding something that will actually get me to relax is key. It's a hard sell for me.

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