Thursday, 13 October 2011

If It Ain't One Orifice Its The Other

Today I went to hospital.

I prostrated myself before some medical practitioners and opened wide whilst a biopsy was performed. In doing so, hopefully, they have removed something that has been irksome for that last five years or so.

If you assume that this biopsy is the one from my uterus that I was promised 5-7 days before the end of the pill (I take my last one in six days), prior to IVF, well, you'd get 100 points for having such an excellent memory and minus 150 for being utterly wrong.

Instead I had a growth removed from my mouth. It has been there for years and is nothing other than a little flap of skin left over from a blocked saliva duct. I mentioned it to my dentist last time I went (I like to go to the dentist every six months - ensuring I never go more than half a year without telling someone I'm not pregnant) and just a few weeks later there I was bib-on, head back and just a little prick in my mouth.

For the anaesthetic.

Less than ten minutes later I was out, dribbling, and doing a pretty impressive impression of Lesley Ash/ Coutney Love/ A trout* (*encircle appropriate cultural reference as applicable). Whilst a little flap of my mouth skin wends its way to the lab for further scrutiny. (I'm sure it'll be fine, but these medical practitioners feel the need to check everything bit of flesh they cut off me just in case).

Tomorrow is biopsy number two, entrance on the downstairs level. The roughing up for my womb for better embryo stickage. Two biopsies in two days, don't be jealous - some of us are just born lucky.


  1. I think I have one of those, little extra teeny flap thing next to one (1) salivary gland. Have had it since I was 11. No dentist I ever did see gave a flying-fer-crying about it. What does it have to do to be taken seriously? *worried face, because this is now all about MEEEE I have no social graces*

    Will be thinking of you tomorrow, getting roughed up for your own good.

  2. I love your sense of humor... I nearly died when I read " bib on, head back and just a little prick in my mouth."

    Obviously I'm totally mature.

    Good luck tomorrow with the other orifice. Seriously- first birth control then a scratching of the uterus, all in an attempt to actually get pregnant... no wonder the outside word can't understand infertility!!!

  3. oh man can we swap lives? oh hang on, wait a minute no pretty sure we are living similar lives!! stupid question but with the biopsy are you going to ask them to also test for NK cells? I know I keep banging on about it and I am not exactly a test study at the moment but just figure why they are scarping at your lady parts might as well get that tested too.

    Good luck tomorrow. On the countdown now :)

  4. I once has a skin flap on the inside of my lower lip. I think I probably bit myself or something - I don't really remember...the inside of my lower lip has taken a lot of abuse. Anyway, I was at the dentist and he asked if the skin flap bothered me. I said no. He said "Well it bothers me" and proceeded to burn it off. Without anesthetic.

    Much luck with tomorrow's procedure...

  5. Good luck tomorrow! Reading and caring, just no time to post. Thinking of you!

  6. I had what they called a pedunculated flap in my mouth. They removed it and sent it off for testing. Turns out it was just a ball of infection chance of it spreading or anything....I kind of miss it now :(

    Hope the downstairs biopsy goes super well with good news. Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers!

  7. Blimey Liz... thinking of you tomorrow.

  8. I hope everything went well for you today and thinking of you x

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