Monday, 19 September 2011

Impotent

Sorry to disappoint if, from the title, you thought this post might be about another cause of infertility. It is not.

The wombmate, my twin, has just failed her second IVF. This year, between us, we’ve had four goes, 43 eggs retrieved, 7 embryos put back and none frozen.

Neither of us are any closer to achieving a pregnancy than we were nine months ago. There is no cumulative effect that will make the next round any more likely to work than either of the two (each) proceeding ones.

Obviously I was pretty upset when I found out it didn’t work for her. (I know - in tears at a pregnancy announcement, in tears at a non-pregnancy announcement – there really is no pleasing me.)

The husband tried to comfort me in a typically masculine way (and I’m not talking about suggesting giving him a blow job might make me feel better). He used logic. He cited examples of other people we know for whom IVF didn’t work the first, or second time but they went on to pregnancy.

It didn’t help.

With the wombmate I am equally as impotent. I feel like I, of all people, who understands what she is going through, should know the magic words of comfort. The unfortunate truth is that there aren’t any. There is no statistic that I can quote to the wombmate that will cheer her up and make her confident that it will, one day, work. There isn’t a magic number or formula that will guarantee results.  The pair of us are just playing the numbers game in the hope that the next roll of the speculum will produce a positive result.

And so once again it is my turn to pick up the baton and continue our bizarre IVF relay. Running a race in which we have no idea where the finish line is, whether we’ll even both reach it or collapse, exhausted, before it is even in sight.



21 comments:

  1. Oh Liz. That is so disappointing, and unfair.

    I'm so sorry, both of you.

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  2. I'm sure you can't help but feel the same disappointment, rage and impotence that your sister is experiencing, that we have all faced. There are no words that help. I personally hate being told "I'm sorry" so I won't say it.

    I can say, I feel your and her pain.

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  3. I'm sorry. This is bitterly disappointing, and I know that it must be a whole new territory of disappointment to have someone so close as the wombmate contending with this, as well.

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  4. I'm sorry. It is all so fracking unfair.

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  5. Oh, damn. Damn damn damn. This sucks and it's miserable and it sucks and I so wish you were both pregnant and I so, so wish you both will be pregnant and there'll be two little cousins born within a month of each other. The unfairness of it just burns. Hugs to you both. And dear old logical husbands and partners who at least try to be consoling.

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  6. So unfair. That's all I can say. And of course I'm sorry for you both but it doesn't take away the pain really. There's no guarantee which is maybe the worst part, the unknown.

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  7. I'm so sorry....and you're right. There really isn't anything you can say, even having faced an unsuccessful IVF yourself. Nothing can make this better.

    Keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers.

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  8. I have to agree, there really are no words in the midst of this kind of heartache. Thinking of you both.

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  9. I'm sorry to hear that the wombmate's IVF was unsuccessful. I don't think comforting words exist in this situation...

    Hope that the end of the relay comes soon and with cousins of a similar age.

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  10. I used to repeatedly sing (in my head) the Ms Winehouse song that has a chorus of "what kind of fuckery is this" after each failure..... it was the only thing that made sense to me during those senseless times.

    I'm so sorry for what you are all going through.

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  11. I'm a sporadic commenter on your site at best, but I felt compelled to give my 2 cents on this one.

    For fucking shit's sake!!!!

    You and your wombmate have the worst luck. Can't either of you catch a freaking break! It's your turn already, hoping for the best for you two, if she decides to give it another go.

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  12. Bugger.

    So sorry to hear this news.

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  13. Oh W4I I understand that impotence - I feel the same with everyone in this community when things don't work out. It's so hard to find the right words - I usually just end up swearing in sympathy.

    So... FUCKDAMN for your wombmate. that's really very shitty news.

    x

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  14. Argh!!! So unfair! Thinking of you and your wombmate during this difficult time.

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  15. Damnit! It really is incredibly unfair.

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  16. I"m so sorry to hear that the Wombmate's IVF didn't work. Hugs to her and to you.

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  17. Fuck. Fuck. Fuckity Fuck.
    xx

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  18. Oh I'm so so sorry. I was really hoping it would work out. It sounds to me like you two are all about quality and not quantity - ie: it's going to happen eventually and when it does it's going to work (this is so what I'm hoping for you).

    Hopefully now the baton is passing to you again, this will be the time when you have end up with a beautiful pregnancy and baby. My fingers and toes are crossed for you both xxxx

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  19. Perhaps he should blow YOU to help you take your mind off this?! Ack!!! I just simply cant imagine having to share this journey with a twin. How twisted it must be to both be in the same misery, but on the same thought-how insanely amazing it must feel to be able to confide to the closest person in the world and her know EXACTLY what you feel. Ugh. Ack! Argh!!!!!

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I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!