Sunday, 11 September 2011

Am I normal?

I have a luxury.  One that divides people.  Responses that I have received upon admitting to this extravagance ranges from "Yeah, me too, life saver", undisguised envy, to self-righteous "I could never do that, besides I enjoy doing it myself," to utter disgust at my bourgeois indulgence.

But I genuinely think it has saved our marriage. The moment we started to indulge our arguments and resentments were cut by half.

My dears, ... deep breath ... once a week we have a cleaner come round.

I love it. When I come home from work on a Thursday night and open the door I marvel at how she does it.  In two hours she achieves more that I can in a day. How does she make the cushions so plump? Does she iron the bed to make it so creaseless? And she folds the toilet paper end, like they do in hotels.

I've got a tear in my eye just thinking about it.

But it isn't without its downsides.

She tidys the TV remotes away by putting them next to the TV. The one place in the house where they don't need to be. She unconsciously diminishes my husbands sexuality by popping his pink, purple and yellow socks away in my drawer.

And she piles.

My incomprehensible (to anyone else) filing system: To do pile, to file pile, to probably throw away pile, to do something with but not quite sure what pile, becomes one large stack. And she'll incorporate wild cards - the day's post, the magazine by my bed, wrapping paper.

Did any of you spot that?


On Thursday I received a letter from my Doctor with the results of my biopsy.

Today, Sunday, I found the letter. Carefully piled, or possibly maliciously hidden.

I opened it.

It said my biopsy results were:

 "Entirely normal and showed no evidence of the previously seen changes which is very reassuring".

I've not been so relieved to discover I was normal since the day I started my period.

I might have to sack the cleaner though...


  1. Fabulous, wonderful news!! So, 5th October?

    My mum had a cleaner (4 kids, a farmer husband, trying to do a PhD and clean a 5 bedroom house wasn't happening) and I fully intend on getting one once we have a bigger house/have kids.

    If that makes me a bad person, then so be it.

  2. Fanfxxxingtastic news Liz.
    Weird though - I was just about to employ a cleaner today.
    Maybe I should think again. I can't be doing with random piles...

  3. That is great news- this means IVF is right around the corner, right??? I'd love to have a cleaner, but because I don't work outside the home, I have a feeling my husband wouldnt go for it :)
    I continue to find your healthcare system fascinating- I can't imagine waiting for the mail to find out the results of tests like a biopsy. Though, paying $200 for a 5 minute appointment to hear the result probably seems a little odd to you!!!!

  4. Fantastic news - another step forward!

  5. Great news!!! And I'm totally jealous of having a cleaner, wish we did too!

  6. Phew! I have a cleaner, and he does the exact same thing. Unfortuately, I can't sack him, because divorce is expensive, and I'm still attached to him. In spite of his annoying habit of messing up the mail. But, I don't have to clean the house and that's the really important part.

    Glad to hear you're normal and have a letter saying that. People won't believe it otherwise. ;)

  7. My mom has a woman clean her house once I week. I always tease her because she will clean the house the night before the lady comes. She cleans for her cleaning lady.

  8. First of all WOOHOO!!!!!!

    Secondly, I will just go with undisguised envy! Of course, at this point, there's too much of a mess in my house to even think of having anyone come to clean. I don't think they could clean around the piles and the giant pile would topple down on their heads if they re-piled!

    Once again --- yayayayayayay!!

  9. omg! that's ace news!

    (I once forgot to give Alexia, my flatmate, a post office card. Turned out it was to pick up a letter telling her her stolen card had been found. Next thing she knew, she had a phone call saying it had been crushed. Oops.)

    Great news about the results! xx

  10. Yay! Better get raiding that piggy bank then.
    (I'm sure my husband would see this as another reason not to get a cleaner...)

  11. Oh Liz that's wonderful news.

    I'd love to have a cleaner but I'm totally conditioned by my mum who used to make us clean because the cleaner was coming, she even made us vacuum, I thought she was totally nuts but I think I'd end up doing the same thing.

  12. Bonne nouvelles! I can't wait for you to start IVF! Rooting for you all the way!

  13. I read the first paragraph and correctly guessed what you were referring to, mainly because a) I am of the same opinion and b) I keep meaning to find a cleaning service. I so can relate!

    Hope you are doing well.

  14. I want a cleaner. But we did just get a new lightweight hoover so perhaps that will help.

  15. Yay for normal! Woot for reassuring!

  16. Great news on the results. Also you reaffirmed my reasoning of why I never wanted someone in my house in my personal business. However I agree that someone to have cleaned and straightened up when I was working crazy hours would have taken a lot of stress off our shoulders. Alas now that I stay home I am the cleaner, not a great one at that and I don't go thru the clutter/paperwork like I should. But like a gov employee my husband can't fire me, haha. Keep the cleaner, just nix the self-appointed personal secretary.

  17. Apologies for been so crap at commenting lately but I am chuffed to bits to hear this news.

  18. Oh and if you're sacking the cleaner I'll take her. What's her charge?!

  19. This is wonderful news. Yes. Dare I say it? A good omen for what is coming.


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