Sunday, 14 August 2011

Back From A Wedding


They bring out the best in people (gales of laughter worthy of a night at the Edinburgh fringe during the speeches, rather than the groans the joke would normally elicit) and the worst (hauling a drunk bloke off the bus driver at the end of the night because he wouldn’t just “drive ta fucking Dundee, ya prick”).

But more than anything they bring out the questions.

‘How ya’ doing’?”

“I huv ne seen yous since you were in at Uni. What’s bin happening?” How to compress 13 years into a pithy sentence? (Oh, and bonus points in you picked up on the Scottish accent – for we were in Fife).

And, inevitably, “So have yous got babies?’

I have no problem with that question - once they’d established I was still with the callow youth they went to school with it is an obvious one.

Luckily the answer is short, and not very sweet. “Nope.” And we move on.


This one guy did not let it go. He was talking about his six year old son. I’m happy to talk about a six year old son - compared to the conversation we’d just been having about Flash verse HTML 5 this was light relief.

“So do you two have kids?”

“No.” we answered equivocally not hinting that there was any more to say on the matter.

“Are you thinking about it?’ He blundered on.

“Yes.” I managed to leave the word ‘constantly’ out of my response.

And as I floundered for a way to bring the topic back to the safe subject of computers he blathered on.

“You totally should. I mean you can spend a long time thinking about it. But it is seriously the best thing that has ever happened to me. And" (this was the killer blow), "it is just easy.”

“No it’s not” The husband and I squeaked simultaneously in a way that I thought would have flagged that this was a conversational cul-de-sac that he really didn’t want to go down.

But alas not, he barrelled on through, with the evangelical enthusiasm only a person the wrong side of five pints can truly muster.

“It is.” He asserted. “I know what you are thinking” and he went on to prove categorically that he didn’t have a fucking clue what we were thinking:

“That it isn’t the right time. But you should totally just do it.




I suddenly felt the need to drag the husband up to dance.

To Girls’ Aloud.

But other than that it was a brilliant wedding. With lots of men in skirts.


  1. I love Scottish weddings (but not oblivious Scottish wedding guests)

  2. Ouch. Very forebearing of you to not make the wedding more memorable as the guest who threw a drink in the face of the chronically insensitive fool.

  3. I'm just imagining Paddy dancing to Girls Aloud. In a kilt. Special.

  4. Ugh. Yeah, I totally would have yanked his kilt down and ran.

  5. Ouch. Not much more to say really.

  6. Mmmm, Men in skirts (but it's only a skirt if they are wearing something under).

    Conversations like that are ones just to walk away from or say something to make them feel incredibly awkward or embarrassed for what they've said. Heck, I would probably even lie and make something up just to see him eat his footwear.

  7. Yuck... Conversations like that ruin perfectly enjoyable weddings! Some people have no idea...

  8. Uggh wedding kids conversation drive by. No fun at all.

  9. I bought himself a kilt for his 40th birthay (his grandfather's Scottish) - he wears it every year on his birthday when he is working at the Monaco grand prix ....... as you do.

    Pain in the ass conversation with the drunken dad...... why are some people so thick about these things?!

  10. There's one at every wedding, eh? Last thing you want to discuss. URG.

    HTML 5 though, that is deadly cool! No, really!

  11. I did catch the Scottish accent, but it was directly related to my former obession with romance novels. They always take place there. Yum.

  12. Some people really just are ignorant to the perils of others. When I was TTC#1 I used to loathe (and usually avoid) family gatherings for this reason.

    Good luck with your journey.

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