Thursday, 30 June 2011

Public Transport Makes Me Happy

I had to share one of the most amusing pick up attempts EVER, with you guys.

Not, you'll be stunned to hear, someone trying to pick me up - now that I am teetering on 35 I have become invisible. I was merely a witness to this masterly display.

An attractive, toned woman got on a bus and sat down near me.  She was shortly followed by a guy. Short dark hair, short generally. He wore a T-shirt tight enough to show muscles that could only have been obtained by careful gym sculpting.

He saw the girl. "You go to the same gym as me don't you?"

She shrugged.

"Yeah." He confirmed earnestly,  "You do.  I've definitely see you there."

Her monosyllabic response conveyed absolute disinterest. So he moved on, slipping into the seat behind her.

He then made a phone call. I know some people are half-deaf and almost shout on the phone, and whilst others speak quietly, but there is always a discernible difference between someone just naturally talking loudly and someone speaking loudly and self-consciously, for the benefit of the people around him. There was no doubt this dude was doing the latter.

The snippets of conversation I overheard went something like this:

"Yeah, I'm flying out to start filming on Tuesday ... So I'll be in LA for the film on Wednesday ... I don't know exactly what yet... Yeah I mean helicopters, and cars and probably bikes.  Because he always uses bikes. If you think of any of his films like, er, um, well, Top Gun had bikes.

"Well, I'm going to have to slim down a bit. So no chocolate for six weeks.  I don't know how I am going to get through the next six weeks filming in LA without chocolate.

"Exactly, I mean it is a great job, I'll earn enough for the year in the next six weeks ...

"Alright, bye mate."

Having concluded his call he turned his attentions back to the aforementioned young lady.

"So what do you do?"

"I'm a barrister" she said in a way that conveyed law rather than coffee maker.

"I'm I stunt man" he needlessly informed her. "I'm going out to LA on Tuesday to work on a film with Tom Cruise..."

No shit.

The conversation flowed much easier after that. She didn't shoehorn in any mention of a 'special friend' and they seemed content to exchange tips on diet and exercise. As you do when you meet someone from the gym (I'm guessing here).

I got off the bus at the same time as the girl, who left with a cheery "see ya" to the guy and spring in her step.

Thing is, I've done what any normal nosey inquisitive of you would do.

And I can confirm that the bloke on the bus wasn't him, or him, not him, certainly not him.

And according to this story (and hundreds of others) the teeny tiny scientologist does his own stunts anyway (favourite line from the article: Generous Cruise also treated the whole group to burgers and fries).

I love the bus.


  1. Oh me too! The local colour is great.

    That's a great one. Keep ears peeled for more, eh? Love this stuff.

  2. Of course it is more usual to say eyes peeled, but there you go.

  3. That is hilarious! Thank you for sharing!

  4. People are a riot. I have a friend who moved to LA, now he constantly name drops. Sometimes he name drops then posts a picture on Facebook stating that the photo is of "insert name of some famous person here", and it will always be the side of a car, or feet, etc. When called on the carpet (not the red one) he'll say it was the person but he didn't want to get caught taking a photo of them directly. What a dork. I want more bus stories, this was great! Take care love.

  5. You get the good buses clearly - mine seem full of the not so funny weird end of the spectrum. I'm going to give your guy the benefit of the doubt though as im in charitable mode this evening as whilst Tom definitely does his own stunts he will need another short stunt man to fight with at some point, no?

  6. Twenty bucks says that there was no one on the other end of the line when he was telling his filming in LA no more chocolate story! hahaha. what a douche.

  7. Too funny, I love it when idiots try to pick someone up on public transportation, it never works and everyone is siting there watching them fail.

  8. Oh good Lord... I TOTALLY know a guy like that. He's been trying to 'impress' me for weeks now, despite me telling him I think he's an idiot, tries too hard and lies too much. I just don't get guys like that. How can they not know they come off as a)obvious and b)stupid?

    Whenever I'm on public transit I put my headphones on... but don't turn on my music. I LOVE to people watch (cough-eavesdrop-cough) on the bus/train/plane. It's the best! Glad I'm not the only one ;)

  9. What?! You think the guy was lying to impress a girl? I'm shocked!

    I miss public transportation...well, actually, I don't miss the bad weather trips or the smelly people, or the crazy/homeless people, or the people who would bring hot dogs/polish sausage/french fries on the bus, when I was unable to have any. Oh never mind. I prefer to drive. :) Fewer interesting people in the car, though...

  10. Ba ha ha ha.... and yet another reason why I ADORE you and your Blog..... LMAO :)

  11. HAHAHAHAHahahaha. I can't imagine I would have given him the time of day after that pathetically obvious attempt to appeal to someone who loves celebrity. ugh.

  12. Too funny! People-watching is one of my favorite past-times.


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