Wednesday, 15 June 2011

Official Test Day


Today was the official, hospital sanctioned test day. 16 days after transfer. The equivalent of 21 days after ovulation.

Of course there wasn't a fairytale ending.  It was as untroubled by HCG as all the others. Negative.

I rang the hospital, the response was sympathetic but equated to: "You've had all the treatment the NHS will provide, you can have the next available appointment with the Doctor for a debrief but he isn't available now until August or September, alternative you could see him privately..."

For those of you who don't know my full background (and why the hell should you?), it isn't quite that simple.  The NHS have been treating me for two conditions:

1) Infertility. It isn't life threatening. My treatment stops here.  Which I think is fair enough, I am incredibly lucky to have had the amount of treatment I have had on the NHS - three IUIs and 2 IVFs is not to be sniffed at.

2) Endometrial Hyperplasia. This is a bit more tricky.  This is when the womb lining grows thick and inhospitable and (in my case) was diseased with precancerous cells. The normal treatment for this condition is a hysterectomy, for blatantly obvious reasons I’m not so keen on this route.

I can't risk the hyperplasia growing back.  Even if I decided to give up trying to conceive altogether I can't become drug free, as the moment I stop birth control the lining starts to grow back and there is a real risk of cancer.

So the Doctor has written out a prescription for birth control to start as soon as the post-IVF bleeding begins (it has been held off by all the progesterone I've taken to date). Not for me then the story of: "We had IVF, it didn't work, and then as soon as we gave up I got pregnant naturally."

I don’t want to wait 2 or 3 months, whilst taking the pill, for an appointment that will essentially say. “Sorry it didn’t work, do you want to pay £7,000 for IVF at my private practice?” Therefore I am paying to see the same Doctor during his non-NHS hours, and remarkably it just so happens that he has an available appointment on Monday. Who knew that cash could be so effective at opening doors?

Oh, Ok.  Everyone.

So this weekend I shall mostly be compiling a shit-load of questions. Working out what tests I’ve had, and which I haven’t  -  because either they are too expensive for the NHS or considered a load of rubbish by my practitioners. I am not sure when we will start treatment again but in the meantime I am more than happy to give up some vials of blood for testing and I am sure that the husband will jump at the chance of another medically-sanctioned wank.

Hopefully this will give us a few more answers whilst we work out what we do next and when we’ll have the energy and emotional stamina for another ride on the IVF rollercoster.




28 comments:

  1. I'm so sorry that it didn't work out Liz. I hope you are able to get some answers from the doctor on Monday.

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  2. So sorry this wasn't it for you. This all such a pain in the ass. Hoping your appointment yields some clear next steps. xoxo

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  3. I'm so sorry that it didn't work.

    Here's hoping that the new appointment gets you somewhere new.

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  4. I am so sorry this has been such a hell. Physically and emotionally you must just be spent. Do what you think is the best course, and keep up your determination. Most of all (like the other guy commented on the last post) do take this time to be kind to each other. Husbands can feel so helpless and unsure of what to do. No matter what you two are a team and you're on this journey together. I think of you often, and as always hope for your best outcome.

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  5. I wanted a fairytale for you, but I know that stupid princesses a bs castles are on backorder. I am so sorry. I hope that your period arrives quickly and that you next steps are swift.

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  6. Well fuck. Just fuck. It's such an awful thing this IVF-not-working-business. And not at all what we were led to believe by the mass media. I'm really disappointed both for me and (so far but hopefully not always) for you. Ask all the questions you can think of and then some, I really hope the doc has some answers for you. Preferably the sort that tell you that you'll be up the duff in no time once they've fixed XYZ.

    x

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  7. I hate that this wasn't it for you. Hopefully your next appointment will uncover some answers. Each step in treatment adds a little more knowledge about how our unique bodies work.

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  8. So sorry Liz - I was hoping you'd be able to spend that cash on baby accessories instead of throwing it at doctors. I hope they have something more to offer you - at the very least, additional testing that might indicate a problem that can be addressed.

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  9. I'm so sorry. I wish there was better words.

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  10. That sounds sensible, Liz, more testing might shed some light on how best to proceed. Just wish it wasn't necessary.
    xx

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  11. I hate this for you, my dear. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hoping the private sector can provide you more answers... Many hugs.

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  12. Hugs. This really stinks. I hope money will open more doors for you and provide some good news soon.

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  13. Oh, lovey. This wasn't the post I wanted you to be writing. I'm so sorry.

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  14. I'm so, so sorry. I was so hoping that this time would work for you. And I'm so incredibly sorry about your endometrial hyperplasia. It makes an already difficult situation monumentally worse than I could ever understand. Thinking of you...

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  15. I'm sorry Liz.

    I just had my retrieval yesterday and we have to move our transfer to July because my uterus is not ready. This process is not fun. You are very lucky to have the first two cycles paid! Every time we pay, I'm afraid my credit card will burst into flames!

    I have faith this will work at some point, just relax and take a little breather. You and your body have been through a lot!

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  16. So sorry you got the official negative. I'm glad you have a plan. I hope you've been enjoying some very expensive alcohol of your choice and treating yourself well in every way you can to try and offset this nightmare just a tiny bit. Good luck on Monday.

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  17. Oh babe, I'm really sorry.

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  18. I'm so very very sorry that this turned out the way it has (meant to say so earlier by put Internet gremlins have been eating my comments). I really was hoping that it wouldnt be so. Get all those questions out for next week's appt. It does make me cross that the very same docs who the NHS trained can't do a few extra sessions on the NHS instead of increasing their private practice incomes. It always impressed me that one of the mammoth names in ivf never did any private work at all.

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  19. I do so wish this wasn't so. I hate that we have to PAY to be rescued from our bodies, when people with other painful or dangerous conditions get treated on the NHS FOREVER. But because our conditions cause infertility, which that heartless bitch the General Public sees as a 'lifestyle choice', we're to accept sterilization as a reasonable treatment to our health problems.

    Argh. Anyway.

    Much love and fingers crossed for you.

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  20. Oh, sweetie, that's bad news. I hope you take time to mourn this properly before jumping back into the bureaucratic sesspool of more test, paperwork, etc.

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  21. All I can say is I'm so very sorry this didn't work. >:(

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  22. :( I am so sorry hun.....
    I hope this upcoming appt can bring some answers for you.
    As for the wish or hope of 'oh it happened after stopping treatments', I can completely understand that. We won't have that luxury or chance either and it sucks.
    Thinking about you...xo

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  23. Fucksticks. I know you expected it but it's still a blow. I'm so sorry Liz, I wished so hard for you.

    The NHS is just bullshit, they should have some sort of pool where the lucky ones can donate their leftover approved cycles to the unlucky. God knows I'd have given you the three I was approved for in a heartbeat.

    Ask about taking melatonin for egg quality, my new Dr prescribes it when you get good haul and don't get to freeze. Friend had 3 cycles with nada then on the melatonin cycle got 6 frosties (cycle failed but she at least has more hope). I'm on my phone but if you want I can find his info for you later and hop on a pc.

    Perhaps since you now have to throw money at it a change in Dr is in order.

    I'm so sorry Liz.

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  24. Well that is just not good. I am so sorry.

    Hoping that you can get some answers next week that will help

    Kylie (whose sign in doesn't work)

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  25. Oh bum - that is such a bummer. Big, huge sigh for you. I'm so sorry you didn't get pregnant yet.

    Will you definitely be taking your private 7,000 GBP to the same doctor or would you consider going to another one who might try a different approach?

    I'm very impressed you're considering getting back on the horse so quickly after the last bolt off onto the hard ground - I'm so impressed with your gutsiness and tenacity.

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  26. I am so sorry. I wish this wasn't the way it turned out, been keepin' my fingers crossed that this time was the time. Wow. Everything just seemed so perfect. I'm so sad and mad for you.

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  27. I'm gutted you're not where you want to be right now. Sadly, going forward, money talks in this country and it pisses me off.
    I hope this chap is worth every penny and you get the answers/treatment you and hubby bloody well deserve.

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  28. I feel gutted for you. I genuinely thought it would be a happy ending this time.
    But you ROCK .... you have met this all head-on with such grace and stamina and I just bloody-well love you for it.

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