Sunday, 1 May 2011

A Rock and A Hard Place

Despite erring on the side of the republicans I cannot resist a good wedding.

And Friday was a good wedding.

You may remember back when the engagement was announced, I was all over it, predicting a royal pregnancy as soon as the balcony kiss was performed. (For that is, apparently, how Princesses get pregnant.)

Every girl wants to look best on her wedding day.  I chose to upholster myself in tight elastic, thigh to breast, underwear to give myself a Jessica Rabbit silhouette rather than forego cakes and salty snacks. Kate had clearly gone down the self-denial route to achieve her figure (though she must be kicking herself that she didn't encourage her sister to chub up a bit so that her limelight wasn't stolen).

But now poor Kate has well and truly dieted herself into a corner. The moment she puts on an ounce the media are going to be at fever pitch speculating a pregnancy, more than they currently do with Kate Moss, Jennifer Aniston and Katie Perry combined. Having shrunk herself to a tiny lollipop size she won't be able to returned to her normal weight without the nation becoming baby-belly obsessed.

However, if she maintains her scrawny pre-wedding physic I can't imaginer her ovulating let along producing the future monarch.

I believe this is known as being stuck between a rock and a hard place. Still if the hard place is in William's pants they will at least be heading in the right direction ...


  1. You are so right, that never even occured to me. If I get pregnant I don't think I'll tell anyone until he's 90, just because I don't ever want to untell anyone again. I can't imagine being in their shoes...

  2. Hasn't she always been stick thin? It was a splendid wedding. And totally utterly nothing like mine unsurprisingly.

    Finally I am able to comment on your blog - some apple bug must be fixed. Off now to catch up with old posts....

  3. Lollipop! Ha! I keep thinking what big heads these women, thanks to you, I realize it's only their sticklike bodies that are making it appear that way!

    I am living in the camp that believes that Kate has the genetics to not only be thin, produce offspring at will, but also gain only baby + placenta + water weight (and none of that in her ass) and then snap right back into shape.

    And, as usual, your puns are sublime...

  4. ah yes, the media will alert us immediately to any loose-ish garb which Kate may wear from now on - sorry Kate, you won't be able to wear anything biggish or comfortable without risking frenzied speculation!

  5. Totally all I could think about, too.

  6. I was on a website where some bloke was saying he thought she was pregnant due to "a bulge in her dress." I can only think that he has some sort of eye problem, as there was no room for anything in that dress, corsetry and pregnancy do not mix, and if she had a bulge then what hope is there for the rest of us?!

  7. Although does he have the goods in the pants? (see my recent post!)


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