Thursday, 12 May 2011

Just Call Me Spock

It has been a real source of comfort this IVF to know that I am completely unaffected by all the hormones that are pumping round my body.

When, for example, at 11pm the other night I suddenly decided that I had to get to grips with a new room booking system at work I was secure in the knowledge that this was entirely rational behaviour.

I was just as secure at one minute past eleven when I was a blubbering wreck. Curled up in the foetal position and rocking slightly saying "I can't do this, I can't do my job, I can't, I can't, I can't". I was confident that I was analysing my situation in a clear, calculated way that was driven by facts not emotions or hormones.

By ten past eleven I was composing a letter of resignation.

And then the husband sent me to bed.

The following day, and a quick call to the room booking team later, suddenly things didn't seem quite so bleak. However, I remain confident that my melt down had absolutely nothing to do with the drugs. I mean this is normal behaviour, isn't it?

Likewise when, as I sent an email to IT thanking them for their help, my eyes filled with tears. As they would for anyone in my situation.

It feels good to be driven by reason rather than hormones.


16 comments:

  1. You are definitely NOT being affected. Just like I'm not. The fact that I swing from screaming to crying in a second while reading student papers is perfectly rational. Crying because my husband will be out of town for 22 hours? Nope, not a problem. Feeling like I need to run around the block 20 times because of the nervous energy? Perfectly normal. Obsessing about a minus sign in an equation for 24 hours? Totally sane.

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  2. Completely normal. Much like me crying at a This Morning competition where they were giving away 40 pairs of shoes a few years ago...

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  3. Why can't they invent hormones that are less...hormonal? Just keep your husband close by before you make any big decisions for now.

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  4. Oh GOD, yes. Melting down over how long to roast a chicken for was my finest, finest hour.

    PS Blogspot had a wobble earlier, wouldn't let me read you.

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  5. I'm pretty sure I had a nice breakdown over forgetting to pick up milk on my way home from work. :)

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  6. Fortunately, my husband always gave me plenty of ammunition to justify an explosion. However, he was often disconcerted because, normally, his idiotic behavior would not elicit a reaction.

    Clearly, you have no hormone issues whatsoever.

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  7. definitely. I don't think you are hormonal AT ALL. snigger. bloody ivf meds@!

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  8. I had one of those in the freezer aisle of the grocery store. Another at the drug store. Another at work. I could continue...

    Hang in there friend. It's clearly everything but the hormones.

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  9. [Would have commented sooner, Blogspot was being obstructive. Bother blogspot].

    Oh, Lordy, I was only on clomid, and I remember going completely nova because someone had left their suitcase near the door of the tube train IN MY WAY ARGH ARGH ARGH. I stormed home and threw a tantrum in the kitchen about it, decided this was the perfect time to wash up, and broke a glass, a bowl and a side-plate, so of course I had to have another break-down and run out into the night in unsuitable shoes because THIS was, of course, all H's fault. And that was just ONE of the six cycles on the demonic stuff.

    *shudder*

    You, of course, are as rational and calm as, well, the rest of us. Only more so. And anyway, your exploration of the booking system is exactly how I did all of my essays when I was still a [im]mature student.

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  10. Completely Spock-like of you. Absolutely dry and analytical. Especially the sobbing thank-you note part.
    At least you didn't throw footwear. My husband still has to hide the flip-flops mid-way through each cycle ...

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  11. Clomid was worse for me, many meltdowns over forgetting to put baking potatoes in the oven, the husband having deleted a show off sky plus that I didn't particularly like anyway etc. Hang in there!

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  12. Got to warn you that if all this works, you got 9 months of it ahead of you, where the combination of irrationality and forgetfulness is mindblowing. This week's particular dose of irraitonality involved crying my eyes out for 20 minutes because I couldn't find a petrol station nearby. The tank was three quarters full at the time.....

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  13. Ah yes - this sounds very familiar to me!

    But I would say it has nothing to do with the drugs you are taking or your hormones - no way!

    I'm sure you are usually this irrational (not!)

    In the time I've worked in my current job (since I have been doing IVF cycles), I have tendered my resignation no less than three times (that's once a year). I've also had night terrors too. This is where I've woken up sweating, heart pounding, worrying about things similar to your room booking system. These are normally resolved by hysterical crying into my poor half-asleep husband's neck...

    It's mental isn't it?

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  14. Visiting you from Cycle Sista.... Yes perfectly reasonable behaviour indeed! Without these outbursts how on earth would we keep our husbands entertained? Mine spends most of my hormone fueled period just shaking his head and chuckling to himself.
    Seriously though, you are doing fine, perfect even.

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  15. of course, that's all completely rational and normal. I think during IVF you should be able to turn off the water to your eyes - would make life a lot bloody easier. Of course it wouldn't do anything about the mood swings but at least I wouldn't start crying at a childrens show.

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