It has been a real source of comfort this IVF to know that I am completely unaffected by all the hormones that are pumping round my body.
When, for example, at 11pm the other night I suddenly decided that I had to get to grips with a new room booking system at work I was secure in the knowledge that this was entirely rational behaviour.
I was just as secure at one minute past eleven when I was a blubbering wreck. Curled up in the foetal position and rocking slightly saying "I can't do this, I can't do my job, I can't, I can't, I can't". I was confident that I was analysing my situation in a clear, calculated way that was driven by facts not emotions or hormones.
By ten past eleven I was composing a letter of resignation.
And then the husband sent me to bed.
The following day, and a quick call to the room booking team later, suddenly things didn't seem quite so bleak. However, I remain confident that my melt down had absolutely nothing to do with the drugs. I mean this is normal behaviour, isn't it?
Likewise when, as I sent an email to IT thanking them for their help, my eyes filled with tears. As they would for anyone in my situation.
It feels good to be driven by reason rather than hormones.