Monday, 25 April 2011

A Distinct Lack of Willpower

Last IVF my behaviour was exemplary.

I gave up drinking a couple of months before jab day.

I stopped drinking regular tea a good year before hand (and never touched coffee anyway).

Acupuncture was a regular occurrence.

And I was going to the gym, if not as often as I'd have liked, then at least once a week.

This time. Not so much.

I had a cup of tea just after the last IVF failed.  Now I mix and match between a 'proper cuppa' and the poor substitute of Rooibus. I reckon I'm currently on three cups of the hard stuff a day.

Last weekend when I said I'd stopped drinking booze until the next IVF, I really meant it. Really. In fact the day I made that decision I seem to remember repeating the phrase "Never again, never ever again" quite a few times.  But that was followed by a shitty 12 hour work day (needed a beer), a work event where there was the lethal combination of free booze and disgruntled folk having a go (two glasses of rosé), and that rarest of occurrences a sunny, four-day, bank holiday weekend (sherry, white wine spritzer and some more beer).

The thing is, if I really thought any lifestyle changes would make a difference I would be back on that wagon faster than anyone who has read Charlie Sheen's twitter feed.

But, after being so 'good' last time and it coming to nought I just can't quite muster the same enthusiasm this time round.

But I'm trying. I've booked my first acupuncture appointment since the last IVF, for this Wednesday. And, come Saturday, when I begin injecting myself again I absolutely will stop the booze. (The instructions with the meds are clear, do not mix with alcohol, and I am a sucker for following instructions - thank goodness I've never been put in a war crimes situation).

But the rest of it: gym, caffeine, pineapple ... Meh.

I just can't see the point in martyring myself through another IVF.

It didn't make a difference last time, will carrying on with life really make the difference this time?


  1. But, I like pineapple. :)

    I can't blame you - why would you let IVF drive the rest of your life?

  2. I think that in those situations when you surrender a little and let life take its course, you end up very pleasantly surprised. I hope that you are! Good thoughts for you!

  3. I did my best to try to be good. But I didn't work too hard. You're right. No sense in martyring yourself. Alcohol, well yeah, I'd hold off on that, but everything else? Eh. Do what you want.

    I loved going to acupuncture and plan on continuing as long as I can afford it. I feel better, regardless of my situation. So on that note, I'd say keep it up, but that's just cos I love it so much. It's like a weekly massage to me!

  4. Well ya know, I've heard there's this thing called "relaxing" that has done wonders for people- ;) -so I can't see the harm in you being a bit lax on your health regimen.

    letting a few things go by the wayside shouldn't change the outcome. It's not like you are snorting coke or anything, so enjoy your little pleasures!

  5. I wouldn't worry too much about it. It sounds like you're already doing all of the key things. I'm busting it this time with the hopes that it will work, but I feel the same way... there's no point in going to extreme and unnecessary lengths when this is the life that we have. So long as we're adhering to the big ones, that has to be enough...

  6. I think finding a balance of doing too much and too little to 'increase your chances' is very hard. You want to live life, but do everything in your power to make the next cycle work.
    I have cut out caffeine except the occasional glass here and there. I do drink de-caff tea almost daily.
    Alcohol-out for one month prior
    The rest, I walk my dog and live my life.
    When does your next cycle start???

  7. Also... I nominated you for the Stylish Blogger award. :)

  8. As others have indicated, it's a fine line between do-everything-we-can obsessing and throwing all caution to the wind. Doing everything can make us crazy... and crazy won't help the big picture. I'm midpoint-2ww of a cycle in which, while I've "done a lot" (herbs, pinapple, etc.) I've been very laid back about it. The process is not absorbing me this time. I'm carrying on with life... you said it perfectly, and it feels right.

  9. I know how you feel- you do everything right and it doesn't work, so you start thinking being a rebel is the way to go!

  10. I'm with you on that. I've had the same attitude this cycle. : )

  11. Well, I would be the same. I hate it when the other party (in this case admittedly not an actual person, but IVF) doesn't play ball, and come through on the deal. Makes me get all rebellious and do things like drink a half-glass of beer! I am mad like that.

  12. I've been following your blog since the day I found out my first ivf failed. I've just started the stimulation phase of my 2nd cycle and I am so with you. 1st time round I stopped wearing deodorant, fake tan and my absolute fav - nail varnish. In short - I was rather unattractive during the first go! Nettle tea only, so many brazil nuts I sickened myself and actually started retching when I ate some during the 2 week wait. Like you I did everything right and it didn't work, this time round I'm cutting myself some slack- life has to go on. Wishing you lots of luck for this go. Fi x

  13. So I'm sure you know I've tried to quit caffeine completely, easier said then done. Still drinking one cup of caf coffee and one cup of decaf a day. My last margarita was two weeks ago after a rather, disenchanting week of work travel. Fake tans, botox, long gone. The gym comes and goes, but I've gained 12 lbs since starting this infertility treatment stuff so you can figure out how well the workouts are doing. I use Tom's of maine anti-perspirant and smell like a cross between patchouli and funk (but my underarms are nice and dry).

    I still color my hair, and I still, and always will, get a manicure and pedicure weekly. Extra nail polish please.

    And what is this pineapple stuff all about?

  14. I have been baaaaaaaaaaaad. The start of my cycle happened at Easter and we were camping so I have been having the odd glass of wine (or beer) or G&T with Mum. I have one coffee but I have one per week and I think that should be ok and I have been doing some exercise (walking / jogging). The way I look at it in my cynical mind. And yes cynical because I have failed 4 IVF's now is that the first lot I was as healthy as could be, no wine, no coffee, detox the lot and it still failed and I still ended up with a few stray kilos that I didn't need. This time I figure what the hell, enjoy my life at the same time!!! I have never done the pineapple thing though - maybe time to start now?

  15. The desperation of "but it might help" sucks. And somehow, I have trouble believing in it (even though my body does weird things no-one else's seems to do...) and thus I'm very lax about all of this. I keep telling myself "when (if) we do IVF I'll cut out caffeine and alcohol", and I'll at least try, if for nothing else for the "no regrets" thing. And yet... part of our problem is MFI, and who has a drink almost every evening? So how can he ask me to cut out the caffeine? Sigh.
    Thinking of you.

  16. I endured many many failed fertility treatment cycles without a drop of caffiene or alcohol to soften the blow (except for the "surprise surprise my period is here" monthly bender). I was also very good during my successful cycle but as I'd been very good during all my other cycles I don't think that had much to do with it. And then after a year of eating and drinking all sorts of crap (including at least 5 cups of coffee a day and one glass of wine most nights) I got pregnant naturally. Make of that what you will. If I ever try for another, treatment or no treatment I will not be depriving myself of any wine, coffee or bad food until proven to be up the duff.

  17. I think carrying on with life might even be a very positive thing. My doctor expressly told me NOT to give up moderate drinking in the months before IVF. I think he thought that there was no point (i.e, he didn't see it having that much of an influence on the outcome). I also think he said it so that I could hold onto bits and pieces of my sanity.

    This last cycle happened right after New Year's. I got on the wagon the day I started injecting. Seems like he was onto something.


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