Friday, 18 February 2011

Morning Glory

Today I had to go in to the clinic for a blood test and take with me a pot of spunk, courtesy of the husband - naturally.

Every sample the husband has given to date has been produced in a clinical little room, where he has had nothing but a few dog-eared magazines and his imagination for company.  The proximity of the room to the clinic has expedited the swift route of sperm to microscope before any of the little blighters curl up their tail and head for the big egg in the sky.

Previous samples have  been given either to check the efficacy of his output, or for one of our three failed Intrauterine Inseminations.

This sample was a little different.  The clinic are quite confident in the sperm's swimming ability, but need to test for bacterial infections.  This, I assume they do for everyone, and should absolutely not be taken as a judgment on his personal hygiene.

As a result there was no time pressure so I was told to get him to produce his sample on Friday morning and to bring it in with me when saunter in for my blood test.

My blood test was booked for first thing in the morning, necessitating an earlier than normal wake up call. It would be fair to say the husband is not usually an early riser, but luckily this morning he peaked early.

He was insistent that I should be on hand to help with this enterprise.  My retort that I really couldn’t be fucked, was met with a decisive “Exactly”.  Blow this, I thought, I didn’t see any way of getting out of it. And I didn't want to rub him up the wrong way.

Eventually with much backwards and forwards wrangling we managed to get the job done. So there was a happy ending.

Afterwards he muttered something incomprehensible. "Come again?" I queried. "Not likely" was his decisive reply.

I should get a call this afternoon to let me know whether the blood test indicates I need more, or less, or the same amount of drugs I am currently injecting. Then I go back to the clinic for a scan on Monday – when I should, hopefully, get to see the results of all these little pricks.

And yes, feel free to read this post with the all the double entendres you can muster. If I ask you to leave more in the comments, will you give me one?

*** Updated to Add ***
I've just had a call with the results of my blood test. I need to reduce my dosage and go in tomorrow for a blood test, and then back in again on Sunday for more of the same. And yes, I know this is (unusually) out of office hours, I'm being sent to a fancy new clinic which is open at the weekend. I'm please they are obviously scrutinising every stage but slightly concerned .... I mean why the rush/ panic.

What is going on?! 

I'll let you know.


  1. Haha! "Working at home", that's what they call it now, is it?

  2. My MIL gave my daughter a box of Valentine cards, one of which said "Hope your Valentine's Day has a happy ending." I deemed them inappropriate to give to other 4 year olds.

  3. Nothing like taking matters into your own hands.

    (Sorry, best I can do on the spur of the moment).

  4. LOL, Love it! Taking matters into your own hands.

  5. Give a woman a job to do and she gets it done!

  6. Hahaha, priceless. All I could think of was "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush", ahem, might not fit to well though.

  7. Way too much information! I now need to block this image from my mind before we meet you for dinner tomorrow...

  8. @Twangy, I know and now I have to work at the weekend as well...

    @Areyoukidding me, that is brilliant, why couldn't I find a card like that for the husband?

    @Nuts, its a goodie. Always.

    @Circus, and where is yours?

    Jem, Indeed

    -K, surely a "Hand in the bird"

    Granine, you have a filthy mind, I wrote nothing explicit.

  9. My guess is that your e2 is rising nicely (which indicates multiple follies) and they want to make sure that things don't take off too quickly. It's good they're monitoring things so carefully.

    Honestly. Boys. Can they do nothing at all for themselves?


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