Monday, 21 February 2011

Joking Apart

**I'm interrupting the light-hearted tone of this blog to discuss something a bit more serious. I'll be back with the sex gags soon, and normal service will resume.**

I have been worried about how I'll feel pumped full of drugs for this IVF.

At the moment I have been taking the Buserelin for 16 days and the Menpur for 6. Long enough to produce some side effects and the question on everyone's lip is "How are you?" with a special stress on the 'are' to show they really want to know and an, "I'm fine" won't suffice as an answer.

In a subtle linguistic differentiation I would say I was OK rather than fine.

I was concerned about the side effects, particularly as when I went on provera and the coil I suffered quite badly for the first few weeks.  I felt nauseous and miserable.

On the current cocktail of drugs I seem to feel less ill effects,  I can't help that think much of this is psychosomatic. When I was on drugs before they were to stop me getting pregnant, to sort out my womb lining so in the long term would help but in the shorter term they represented another delay in the chance to procreate.

The drugs I am taking now, however, these are to help me get pregnant.  I am tantalisingly close to IVF and the best chance I have ever had of a positive pregnancy test. I don't resent these drugs, I embrace them.

That isn't to say I have been completely unaffected.  I have found myself snapping a bit more than usual, but it is difficult to tell whether this is hormone induced rage or simply because people are fucking numpties ... oh ...

I have been feeling a bit down. But was that the drugs or because I am overwhelmed by work, or simply that Friday the 18th of Feb (and its lead up) is always a difficult day?

The only symptom that I can absolutely, positively, put down to the drugs are the night sweats. Clammy doesn't cover it.  I wake up dripping, slick with sweat across my chest. The other night the husband rolled over to give me a wee nocturnal cuddle and I was wet through my pyjamas. (Oi you! Read the intro, this is not the post for sex gags, take your mind out of the gutter.)

Or at least that was the only confirmed symptom until this morning when I had my first scan...

I have six likely looking follicles, three on each side (and a few little ones that the Doctor dismissed).  They are still relatively small at 10 or 11mm, the aim is for them to grow until they are about 20mm, but at a growth rate of 1 - 3mm a day and 7 days before the scheduled collection is it all looking pretty positive.

Nothing spectactular but, as I have already be admonished this morning, I don't want spectacular. I want as close to normal as possible in these very abnormal circumstances.



18 comments:

  1. Ah, Liz. I am really sorry to hear you are feeling low, but honestly I think it's only natural. All the anticipation and build-up, the drugs, the pressure of everything, and your mum's anniversary on top of that. Bit of a perfect storm, I'm afraid. One foot in front on the other and you'll get through it and back to joking form in good time, I am sure. Take good care of yourself.
    xx

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  2. Sorry it's been a rough time lately, the drugs certinally won't be making life any easier for you. Times like this all you can do is keep swimming and eventually you come out the other end (hopefully without killing someone).

    I so feel you with the night sweats, it is my most hated side effect of any drug, I slept on a towel last cycle.

    I am so glad things are looking positive for collection. Not long now and you will be even closer to being able to write in your twin blog (did you even keep that? I have it bookmarked somewhere).

    thinking of you xxx

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  3. Sounds great Liz!

    And I don't know about the psychosomatic. I felt pretty darn shitty on fert. drugs. ugh.

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  4. Great news about the follicles, hope they continue to behave. Also hope that the 18th was OK.

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  5. ah the joys of the night sweats!
    Pleased you have some follies, hope theu keep growing!!
    x

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  6. Grow follies grow! That's great news Liz.
    Take special care of yourself.
    Thinking of you more than a lot.
    X

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  7. It sounds perfect. It's a good cohort you are growing and I like your doctor's strategy - as close to normal. That's exactly it, because it's going to mean good things for their growth, the eggies inside, your ovaries and everything else.

    I'm always surprised at how little I feel, aside from the anxiety, on these drugs. And the feeling low...I do think this is an inevitable (and unpleasant) part of this. There's something about knowing you're so close. These are high-stake games. And dealing with a difficult anniversary in the middle of it would take the wind out of anybody's sails.

    I know it's hard to be frivolous at a time like this, but make sure to do enjoyable things for yourself, whether it's a pedicure, a slice of cake, whatever. This process is hard, and it's hard in a cumulative way that can sneak up on you.

    I am crossing everything that the payoff is huge.

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  8. So glad to hear that your first scan went well. Slow and steady wins the race! Hope the drugs stay somewhat mild for you. Take care of yourself.

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  9. I'm glad the scan went well. I definitely agree that a cautious approach is best, that sounds like a good, safe number of follicles. Sounds like you're coping admirably with the drugs and it really will all be over soon.

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  10. Glad to hear things are going well. I've got my fingers crossed this cycle works for you! Good luck!

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  11. Glad to hear the follicles are growing well. I'm wishing you luck with all the rest!

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  12. 6 sounds good! There may be some late starters too. Much luck.

    Night sweats are the worst, though.

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  13. Glad the scan went well. 6 sounds like a good number to me. Close to normal is what we all hope for, right?

    The night sweats are pretty gross. Gotta love fertility drugs for their lovely side effects.

    Sorry to hear you are also feeling down. Anniversaries like those never get easier. ((hugs))

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  14. ack the Menopur sweats is what I call them and they stink. My husband will usually wake me up to tell me I'm soaking wet. I have to shed my pj's and towel off sometimes. I'm glad you have 6 growing follies!! I hope they continue growing (and maybe even a couple more for good measure!)

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  15. I thought I weathered my cocktail unexpectedly okay, too...aside from the anxiety of the whole process. I think part of me just refused to acknowledge the entirety of the experience though, and that helped me to compartmentalize some of the shittiness.

    6 sounds great, Liz. Sounds like you're getting there, day by day! Thinking of you and your gorgeous follies, friend!

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  16. Hey! I stumbled onto your blog, and I wanted to take a second and tell you I'm really enjoying your blog. I'll be praying for you and yours. Keep hanging in there. I went ahead and became a follower, and grabbed your button. I hope you'll stop by my blog, become a follower and grab my button and slap it on your page. You take care & God Bless.

    http://ourjourneythrufaith.blogspot.com/

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  17. It's hard to separate some of the physical symptoms from the natural reaction of a person under a ton of emotional pressure. So you're a bit snappy, are you? I say snap as many necks as you need to. It sure is thrilling to watch you get closer and closer to this long awaited moment.

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  18. I'm a fellow PCOSer and am doing an injectible cycle. I think I'm about on the same day as you and was wondering if you were given what your Estradiol (E2) levels are? It would be a good frame of reference along with your follicle sizes. So glad you are on your way towards retrieval!

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