Saturday, 29 January 2011

Twin Time

On the way to the Spa my sparring partner and I discussed the personas we would adopt for the next couple of days. We narrowed it down to lamest hen night ever (with just the two of us), or lesbian couple. However, our wedding rings belied the hen night and our lesbian couple act was pretty quickly foiled when we entered our room and recoiled at the sight of a double bed.  Our room was swiftly rearranged and, fittingly, we had twin beds instead.

The spa was labyrinthine affair, well appointed but with a institutional air. Everyone wondered round in their regulation white toweling gowns like a uniform. This, plus the predominantly female clientel, strict meal times and isolated location did take me back to my boarding school days.


The meals were resolutely low fat - there was no salt on the tables (lest we inadvertently poison ourselves) and, whilst we could purchase alcohol with our meal, the menu recommended no more than two glasses per day. I've gone months without booze, but this sparked a reflex rebellion in me so I had my two glasses with impunity.

I also flagrantly disregarded the advice stamped on the buffet lunch plate:

Not that I could seriously over indulge - there are only so many lentils that will fit on a plate.  The moment I was back in London I headed straight for a cream tea, complete with clotted cream.

We had the run of the place with a free pass for as many fitness classes as we wanted. The womb mate declined to attend any; I went to just one, because it intrigued me: hula hooping.

It was good fun. I got the giggles.

But I felt like it seriously worked my waist (or 'core' as the instructor liked to call it).  At the end of the session the instructor said she could give us a voucher for 10% off a hoop in the shop.  For one heady moment I was seriously tempted.

Then I remembered:
a) I am due to start injecting myself in my stomach in a weeks time - probably not the best idea to increase my chances of bruising in that area
b) After the injecting I am, hopefully, going to be sturgeon-full of eggs - again I don't want to concentrate my exercise on that area
c) And if things go really well I should be nurturing an embryo in my uterus, and I want to give it a calm environment, not a washing machine experience.

But the real clincher:

d) Having been to that shop I realised the 10% discount would still make it significantly more expensive than anything in the real world.

I know I am resolutely taking the piss, how can I not? I mean how can you take a place seriously with this on the wall.

Despite all that, we did have fun.  It was really nice to get away for some twin time, and we even found time to talk about things other than infertility.  We were treated to a facial and massage (part of the winning package), and had lovely walks, away from the other inmates, in the grounds amongst the snowdrops and herons.

Now I'm relaxed. Bring on the IVF.


  1. I've never seen plates like that, partioned for each food group. How funny! Glad you had a good time before hitting into IVF land. The "no exercise, so don't feel guilty" is probably the only good thing about it (well, that and the squalling baby we hope to get in the end).

  2. To my chagrin I recently discovered I can no longer hula hoop with any grace. Gasps you had a good if healthy time.

  3. Excellent. A good time, and lots to giggle over and take the piss out of. Sounds like a winner. Also, VERY like boarding school. Only I don't think we had Jimmy Saville or herons.

    My fingers are exceedingly crossed.

  4. Sisters are the best for this sort of thing....

    Bring on the IVF!

  5. That sounds like a good time...although I'm surprised at the plate divisions. Should they all be so equivalent? I thought the latest thing was to have 2/3 fruits and vegetables with the remaining 1/3 divided between protein and carbohydrates...leaning toward the protein. Glad you got your hula hooping in before the midsection abuse starts!

  6. Lesbian couple would have been amazing! Bring on IVF, I almost can't believe you are about to start!!

  7. OOoo! Clotted cream. I hope it was proper Cornish? I'm pretty sure it is rich and fertile making stuff. Perhaps Rodda's can be persuaded to send some your way to soothe those stomach needles? Ouch!

  8. I wonder if Jimmy had the lentils?

    Glad a good time was had. Egg-citing times ahaead!

  9. Bring on the sturgeon-egg-filled-ovaries!!! Glad you had a good time, it's so nice to get away from normal isn't it!

  10. I can't believe they have portion controlled plates - that's hilarious. I'm glad you enjoyed the r&r with your sis.

  11. That plate is the best!

    I left you an award on my blog!

  12. Glad you had such an entertaining weekend...with you every step through your IVF journey. X

  13. Sounds like a relaxing time but thank goodness it wasn't entirely dry. I would think drinking is de rigeur while hoola hooping. The plate made me laugh. Mac and cheese and pineapples in syrup, anyone?

    Bring on the IVF. (And the clotted cream - full fat dairy is supposed to be a fertility enhancer, isn't it?).

  14. That sounds very healthy. Too healthy, almost. I'm glad you had your twin and some fun. And wine, of course.


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