Thank you all for your wonderful comments. They really did cheer me up. I want to thank you all individually. In fact *runs off and taps on computer for a moment* I just have. I've been a bit lazy about replying to comments recently, and I am sorry, I will do better.
Another big shout out goes to the husband who jettisoned his works Christmas party - and more importantly a free bar - to come home and sit with a wife who was quite frankly poor company.
Tuesday's appointment is creeping up, but I don't expect many answers. The Doctor will do another biopsy and, in my more optimistic moments I wonder if the second biopsy might give me the all clear. But I won't get the results for at least a week, or four.
The most I can hope from this appointment is options. What they'll do if the biopsy is clear (unlikely) or not (likely).
But I do think it is also time to discuss with the Doctor my treatment options. I am so grateful to the NHS for their virtually free service, but it isn't without its downsides.
Namely the waiting.
In the last year I have had three months of treatment and the rest of the time has been weeks of inactivity and waiting. If I had been doing all the tests and appointments privately I reckon it would have taken me a maximum of 5 months to get here, rather than almost a year.
I can't wait another year. I can't do this again. The time has come to throw money at the problem, or at the very least extract a solemn pledge from the Doctor that the fannying around will desist. (By which I mean the waiting, I suspect I have an awful lot fannying around still to come).