Friday, 12 November 2010

Hearing aid part 2

Following from Monday's post it can, of course, work both ways, there are times when they (the fertiles) mishear us:

We say: "I'm infertile."

They hear: "I'm melodramatic. I've only been trying for five minutes."


We say: "I'm having IVF."

They hear: "I'm definitely going to get pregnant. With sextuplets."


We say: "I can't get pregnant."

They hear: "I'm really stressed at work. I probably need a holiday."


We say: "I've been monitoring my cycles and I know from a combination of temperature charting and ovulation predictor kits that I am not getting the surge of Luteinizing Hormone that is required to trigger ovulation ..."

They hear: "Please tell me how to get pregnant because I don't have a clue. What is this 'sex' that you speak of?"


We say: "Sometimes it can feel physically painful to see parents in playgrounds on a Sunday afternoon with their young children."

They hear: "We have so much free time, and I can lie in all weekend."


We say: "We're having medical intervention to try and get pregnant."

They hear: "We can't be bothered having sex."


We say: "We've been trying to conceive, unsuccessfully, for a long time."

They hear: "We've been trying to conceive for one, or two, months. Bored now."


Come on, you did brilliantly in the comments from Monday's post. More please!


  1. "We can't be bothered having sex."
    No, really, this sex thing... what is it about again?

  2. We say: We're going to adopt internationally.

    They hear: We're off this minute to choose a half-dozen babies in an orphanage and flounce back all Jolie-like with them in tow. With really big sunglasses on.

  3. Love it!

    We say: We've been trying for a long time to have a baby, but it's just not as easy for us as it is for other couples.

    They hear: We have no idea what we're doing, what is sex and how do you use it to make babies?

  4. We say: "We've been trying for a pregnancy for 2 years and will finally be starting fertility treatments this month."

    They hear: "I'm practically pregnant! You are going to be a grandmother/uncle/aunt by the end of the month!"

  5. On behalf of your fertile readership (I know we are in the minority!), can I request a follow up post to this with suggestions of what is the right thing to say. It can be a hard thing to get right!

  6. We say 'I've had five miscarriages.'
    They hear 'My period's been late a few times and I panicked like a big girl's blouse.'

    We say 'I have endometriosis/adenomyosis and my periods are so painful I throw up and faint.'
    They hear 'I like skiving off work with a hot-water-bottle, wine, and a large bar of chocolate.'

    We say 'It took me three years to get pregnant.'
    They hear 'My husband his failed Biology GCSE three times.'

  7. We say: "After 3 miscarriages and 2 years of fertility treatment and advanced maternal age, we have given up trying"
    They hear: "We're going to get pregnant now, you betcha".

    We say: "We can't have children"
    They hear: "Please make an oh-so-funny joke about having one of mine instead"

  8. We say: "I'm really too old for all this"
    They hear: "She wants a compliment about how young she looks."

    And then I tell them that I'm 41, because I like to make sure that everyone has working hearing aids...

  9. Exactly so. A few of these made me wince.

    We say "I'll pass" to wine with lunch.
    They look at us very hopefully, leaving us the option to either say nothing (and, therefore, not set them straight) or we say, "Nah, I'm not pregnant" and we all proceed to chew our food in silence).

  10. We say: We're adopting.

    They hear: We'll be matched with a beautiful baby tomorrow, and they will look just like us and we will never ever mention their birth parents again.

  11. Also:
    We say: It's not that likely I'd get pregnant again at my age, let alone carry to term.

    They hear: I need to tell her how young she looks because looking young is the key to having lovely young eggs.

    We say: Unfortunately we have had four miscarriages, at least
    They hear: Ooh, now I need to tell her how old she is and how she'd have had a baby with Down Syndrome anyway.


I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!