Thursday, 28 October 2010

Phone Call

The number was blocked. I answered it anyway.

"Hello. Is that Elizabeth?" A gentle female voice inquired.

"Yes" For 'twas I, (the hospital tend not to shorten my first name).

"Hello, my darling, I am calling from the hysteroscopy clinic and we are just looking through the appointments for next week and I saw you have an appointment on Wednesday. Did you know that, my love?"

"Yes. Absolutely. To get the coil removed." I confirmed eagerly, this was a good sign that they were on top of everything, I mistakenly thought.

"Well, unfortunately the coil hasn't been in long enough to do its job. It needs three months." She delivered a crushing blow.

"But? What? I mean, I know and next week is exactly three months. 12 weeks." I stumbled.

"No because you have the coil inserted on the 11 of September so you see it can't possibly be three months. October, November ..."

"When I booked the appointment we counted 12 weeks, three months, let me check. Wait, a minute, 11 of September? I'm sure I had it inserted in August. Let me find the date." I'm on the point of doing the unthinkable, opening my blog on a work computer just so I can double check the day.

"Really, my love? [pause] Oh! yes here it is. 11 August."

Relieved, "Yes, that's right."

"So it still isn't quite three months, sweetheart."

"We counted it out when I booked the appointment!" An edge of hysteria creeping into my voice.

"Let's see" she patronised, "one, two, three, four, five" I could hear her tapping the weeks on her calendar, "six, seven, eight, nine, ten, er ... eleven, oh! Twelve. Yes you're right. Oh well, that's fine. See you next week, my love."

"Thanks, bye".

Another appointment crisis. This time averted. Just.


  1. Gosh. That was like the extra surprise scare at the end of the rollercoaster ride, just when you think the worst is over.

    So much for all that just relaxingness.

    Or maybe this is what NHS nurses do for fun in a quiet moment (all those pesky phone calls from desperate patients having been diverted to voicemail).

    G x

  2. Yeesh. How amazingly annoying. Getting you all in a panic for no reason!!! But, in such a sweet way...

  3. Huh? HUH? OMG, etc. Confidence-inspiring..?

    Still, victory was snatched from the jaws of incompetence.. in the end. Onward so, with new appreciation for people who can count.

  4. Holy shit. Do they have ANY type of criteria for these people that work in your clinic?? Like simple counting skills for example?!

  5. Ugh. I'm glad you managed to sort it out. Can't they count before calling?

  6. Bah! I love how during infertility treatments doctors advise to have very little added stress in your life. Between insurance companies and the doctor's office I feel like I am always trying to sort something out! I'm glad this crisis was averted!

  7. Oh my gosh, I want to hunt her down and make a dent where her nose used to be... the ever efficient NHS, I don't know how you stayed calm enough to sort it out.

  8. Aren't you just so proud to have the NHS as our medical support?!

  9. PHEW!!

    Good to know nurses can count?!?!

    Glad everything is still on track.

  10. Oh My God - if only that nurse knew that her error was right here for all the world to see....

  11. Nothing like a little panic to get your heart racing. So glad they were wrong!

  12. Horrifying!

    Also, "my love?" Really?

    I'm so glad things are still a go.

  13. In the immortal words of Snoopy, AUGH!

  14. Phew! So glad to hear that things are still on for next week - here's hoping that the coil will have done its job.

  15. Why are people so pig headed sometimes!!! SERIOUSLY! I'm so glad she realized her error (only because you showed it to her) and that you will be getting your coil removed soon! YAY!

  16. Oh you are FUCKING kidding me??!?!?!?
    (and yes, that level of fuckupery requires copious swearing)

  17. When I have conversations like that, I listen to the Amy Winehouse song that has the chorus of "what kind of fuckery is this?".

    Seriously though, do these people not realise how stressful phone calls like this are? Numpties.

  18. *mouth drops open*
    What the...???

  19. oh she was evil. velvet sledgehammer all the way.

  20. Could you take her some poison cookies next week?

  21. Shouldn't people figure that stuff out BEFORE they call and give you a heart attack? OY! I'm sorry dear. That sucks. At least you didn't have to wait more. Good luck!

  22. Apparently, no such thing as counting up the weeks from the correct date BEFORE phoning up the patient. Good for you for sticking to your guns. Imagine how dastardly it would be to get off the telephone, count them up, and realize that the silly cow had been wrong all along (but nonetheless postponed you).

    Coil, your days are numbered.

  23. COAB! Honestly, if I wasn't laughing I think I would smack my laptop across the room. (PMS.) I can't believe the crap you're having to deal with!

    Holding breath til Wednesday. x


I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!