Sunday, 8 August 2010

A New Term For Infertility?

I don't think infertility is a joking matter, but I do think it is essential to keep joking about it - otherwise you'll live your life in a wasteland of despair (which, coincidentally, is my pet name for my womb).

One area where I think we could do with a little help is the vocabulary we use to discuss infertility. The terms are either resoundingly medicalised (endometriosis, anovulation, polycystic ovarian syndrome), the quaintly biblical (barren) or the plain stark (sterile).

This is where I think the blokes have it right. They aren't shy of the comedic terms for their downstairs issues, exhibit:
  • Jaffa - a seedless orange
  • Starting Pistol - firing blanks.
So I've been trying to think up with some alternatives for us.

This is what I have so far:
  • Bermuda Uterus - a uterus that has loads going in, but nothing coming out, like the famous Triangle
  • Vegan Breakfast - no eggs
  • Stonehenge Syndrome - for unexplained infertility - also applicable: Pyramid, Big Foot, Loch Ness, Crop Circles
  • Taj Mahal - Looks great from the outside not a lot going on inside
  • White Elephant - no, I'm not referring to a pallid, over-fleshed body, rather an object that costs an awful lot to maintain (you spent how much on acupuncture?!) for no useful result
  • Mule - A naturally infertile beast that spends its days humping (in their case humping stuff around, in our case just fruitlessly humping).

Any other ideas?


  1. *Snort*

    A good description for me:

    Past the "Sell By" date - where, theoretically, the eggs are still OK, but nobody would actually want to use them.

  2. LOVING these. Loving!

  3. Love these! Bermuda uterus is my fave!!!! And you are right, we have to laugh, there's no other option with IF.

  4. Amazing.. I am linking to you today... SO GOOD!

  5. So, I've just read these aloud to the Mister and we've had a good laugh. (And when I asked if he knew what "Jaffa" means he got it straightaway). Will have to give some thought to others...but these are great.

  6. Wow, these are in really bad taste...





    Just wish I had something to add. Except for "Baby Dancing" should be "Wishful thinking fing"

  7. LOL!!!!!!!!!!!! It's good to see humor in something so unfortunate. I'm going to have to tell my husband some of these. With what we're going through, a good laugh is always needed. :)

    ~Bobbi @

  8. areyoukiddingme, I am officially giving you some kind of award for yet again being the first commentor again, I make that three out of the last four. (I always use the eggs in my fridge after their sell by date).

    HFF, There has to be a good one for your particular double cervix quirk.

    Thanks Kim, we didn't laugh I'd short circuit my laptop with my tears.

    Ta, Rebecca

    Ah Cheers, waiting and wishing, I'm honoured.

    Adele, Jaffa has been shouted in the playground before most little boys could even get an erection, let alone understand the implications of the word.

    You worried me there, Jem, I thought I might have over stepped the mark (though there were two more that even I decided were too much).

    Thanks, Bobbi, good to see a new face round here (or read a new comment or something).

  9. Oh tell us the secret two please!!

  10. I too would like to know what the two 'too much' ones were. Marks are for pole-vaulting over while screaming 'WHEEEE!'

    I'm sure we can think of something for 'Tornado Alley'...

  11. Oh Betty and Nuts, you've put me in a quandry.

    The two vetoed ones were for miscarriage and multiple-miscarriage respectively, which you two have both suffered. And, not having experienced either, I don't think this is something I am really qualified to make light of. In fact May it was the thought of your very raw and real pain that made me stop.

    (They weren't that good anyway)

  12. Wow - guess it is good to laugh at your pain.

  13. HEH HEH! Very good. You HAVE to laugh, don't you?

    I've never really understood what wracking is, but I think I've been doing it to my brain for the last half an hour and.. nothing.

    Still wracking.. expecting inspiration to strike any moment now...

  14. eggs cellent.

    thanks for the laugh.


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