You know how disheartening it can be when someone who really shouldn’t be able to get pregnant manages it, and you are left flabbergasted thinking: Surely they are too young/old/fat/thin and they drink/smoke/shoot up too much.
How do they do it?
What is their secret?
Well, my dears, today I can exclusively reveal the answer: the one thing that the fertiles have been hiding from us all these years.
The answer was in that most esteemed of publications Spirit & Destiny Magazine. It isn’t a magazine that, to date I subscribe to, but fate guided my hand as I picked up the magazine and it fell open on the letters page.
Ladies, I can hardly describe my excitement as I realised the star letter was entitled: Baby Joy. Vicki from Chichester tells us how she had been trying to conceive for OVER A YEAR but with polycystic ovaries it appeared her quest was in vain.
Take a moment to imagine that if you will.
Luckily Vicki’s friend is a white witch (I really need to broaden my circle of friends). She suggested they tried a “fertility spell based around the colour orange, linked to reproduction and the sacral chakra.”
On a full moon the happy couple made a spell circle with orange candles and sat inside it eating an orange together.
No, I’ve no idea what a spell circle is either. But no matter.
Six weeks later they were pregnant.
But that is not all. Four years later she bought an orange carnelian stone, which she tucked into her waistband. A few weeks later, bang, pregnant again.
It is so simple. That is the secret we’ve been missing. Why did we not realise this before?
And think about it, it works.
Who amongst us didn’t think that Nicole Richie was too emaciated to ovulate let alone get pregnant? But look at the colour of her skin.
Christina Aguilera’s umpa lumpa flesh only serves to endorse the theory - the more orange-hued the more fertile.
And mother of three, drinking for four, tango-coloured Katie Price/ Jordan was the final piece in the puzzle needed to convince me of the veracity of this claim.
So, as soon as this coil is out I’ll be dressing like a Guantánamo Bay inmate and be doing all sorts with my sacral chakras. (Which I believe is illegal in 32 states).
Orange you glad you read this post?
And if you’ve heard a more ludicrous claim please do share.