Sunday, 15 August 2010

The Fertile Conspiracy

You know how disheartening it can be when someone who really shouldn’t be able to get pregnant manages it, and you are left flabbergasted thinking: Surely they are too young/old/fat/thin and they drink/smoke/shoot up too much.

How do they do it?

What is their secret?

Well, my dears, today I can exclusively reveal the answer: the one thing that the fertiles have been hiding from us all these years.

The answer was in that most esteemed of publications Spirit & Destiny Magazine. It isn’t a magazine that, to date I subscribe to, but fate guided my hand as I picked up the magazine and it fell open on the letters page.

Ladies, I can hardly describe my excitement as I realised the star letter was entitled: Baby Joy. Vicki from Chichester tells us how she had been trying to conceive for OVER A YEAR but with polycystic ovaries it appeared her quest was in vain.

Take a moment to imagine that if you will.

Luckily Vicki’s friend is a white witch (I really need to broaden my circle of friends). She suggested they tried a “fertility spell based around the colour orange, linked to reproduction and the sacral chakra.”

On a full moon the happy couple made a spell circle with orange candles and sat inside it eating an orange together.

No, I’ve no idea what a spell circle is either. But no matter.

Six weeks later they were pregnant.

But that is not all. Four years later she bought an orange carnelian stone, which she tucked into her waistband. A few weeks later, bang, pregnant again.

Orange.

It is so simple. That is the secret we’ve been missing. Why did we not realise this before?

And think about it, it works.

Who amongst us didn’t think that Nicole Richie was too emaciated to ovulate let alone get pregnant? But look at the colour of her skin.

Christina Aguilera’s umpa lumpa flesh only serves to endorse the theory - the more orange-hued the more fertile.

And mother of three, drinking for four, tango-coloured Katie Price/ Jordan was the final piece in the puzzle needed to convince me of the veracity of this claim.

So, as soon as this coil is out I’ll be dressing like a Guantánamo Bay inmate and be doing all sorts with my sacral chakras. (Which I believe is illegal in 32 states).

Orange you glad you read this post?

And if you’ve heard a more ludicrous claim please do share.


35 comments:

  1. There are a bag of hazlenuts sat not a metre away from me, given to me by my visiting US bi-polar, alcoholic SIL. A fertility aid, apparently. She also gave me a photo of a Cherokee (which she is, I believe, 1/4) fertility idol-thingy.

    To do them justice, I did indeed conceive within a week of receiving these gifts.

    Of course, the fact that we headed to bed at 10pm sharp every night to escape her company may also have been... relevant.

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    1. I am MOORE JULIET from Australia, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don't know where else to turn, until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr.Sam on his email after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact him for help via email: miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@gmail.com or miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@yahoo.com or through his website: http://miraclefertilityso.wix.com/dr-sam You can also contact him through his mobile: +2348110496031. YOU CAN ALSO READ MY TESTIMONY ON MY BLOGGER LINK: http://moorejuliet.blogspot.com He is a good spell caster

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    2. I am MOORE JULIET from Australia, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don't know where else to turn, until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr.Sam on his email after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact him for help via email: miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@gmail.com or miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@yahoo.com or through his website: http://miraclefertilityso.wix.com/dr-sam You can also contact him through his mobile: +2348110496031. YOU CAN ALSO READ MY TESTIMONY ON MY BLOGGER LINK: http://moorejuliet.blogspot.com He is a good spell caster

      Delete
  2. No, that IS the most ludricous I have ever read.

    However, I am willing to give it a spin!
    [Donning Toyah Willcox wig, and Dutch team's away gear]...

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  3. I was once told that I only had to visualise myself giving birth and I would. Maybe not wearing orange while I did so was my mistake...?

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  4. That was hil-ar-ious! Thank you

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  5. I just bought an orange and am sitting in a circle as we speak. Fabulous ifertility code break I say!

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  6. Well, that explains how the intravenous drug users are getting knocked up - in every documentary I've ever seen, the needles they use to shoot up have some orange on them. One mystery solved...

    I have nothing to add, but I do hope that other people contribute more fascinating theories!

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  7. Brings a whole new meaning to the words "Orange Wednesdays". Get ye down to Phones 4 u and stockpile the Orange top ups!
    Failing that, Superdrug have an offer on St Tropez I believe.

    Could that be more of a commercial plug? I hang my headin shame.

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  8. Oh, forgot to add... The whole Christina Aguilera "My power egg and his super sperm" comment still makes me grumble.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. I am MOORE JULIET from Australia, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don't know where else to turn, until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr.Sam on his email after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact him for help via email: miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@gmail.com or miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@yahoo.com or through his website: http://miraclefertilityso.wix.com/dr-sam You can also contact him through his mobile: +2348110496031. YOU CAN ALSO READ MY TESTIMONY ON MY BLOGGER LINK: http://moorejuliet.blogspot.com He is a good spell caster

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  9. Lovely. I feel a redecoration jag coming on. Just imagine my husband's face when he returns home to find our boudoir the color of Fanta. I can't think of a more restful - or sexy-inducing - design scheme.

    Wow. I can buy a lot of things. (And I do, I do...as one look at my list of supplements will prove). But this? Wow:)

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  10. Whew...what a relief! I'll be headed out to buy some orange clothing before heading back to work tomorrow. Ridiculous...

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  11. Wonderful! I think I'll just shove a couple of orange highlighters down my pants to be on the safe side.

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  12. I hate all things orange always have! Thats where I'm going wrong.

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  13. My mother went to visit a quack in the west of Ireland, who swore that having met my mother, said a prayer together and putting some heather under his bed that I would be pregnant within 3 months.... but now I know I jinxed it by not wearing orange underwear for those 3 months...

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  14. Bloody Hell!! I am a Ranga! Bright orange hair! No wonder I couldnt stop getting pregnant! What a stupid story, although my bedroom used to be painted orange. Not that I got pregnant with any of my kids in my bedroom, but you never know, hey?

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  15. Ah ha! Now I know what I've been doing wrong! So I'll have to dig up something orange to wear to IUI #2 coming up! (although I'm a spring, so it's not really a color in my wardrobe, hahaha!)

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  16. One of our bedrooms has one orange/terracotta wall. So the plan for next month is to break out the San Tropez, eat a net of oranges and christen the spare room. I'll report back if our mission is successful.

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  17. One of my rooms is orange in decorations. Maybe we should BD in there. LOL. Sometimes I think I am so desperate to get pregnant that I will try anything. LOL! orange. I will have to buy orange lingerie. LOL!! This was a great post

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    Replies

    1. I am MOORE JULIET from Australia, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don't know where else to turn, until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr.Sam on his email after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact him for help via email: miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@gmail.com or miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@yahoo.com or through his website: http://miraclefertilityso.wix.com/dr-sam You can also contact him through his mobile: +2348110496031. YOU CAN ALSO READ MY TESTIMONY ON MY BLOGGER LINK: http://moorejuliet.blogspot.com He is a good spell caster

      Delete
  18. HFF, I well remember your sister in law's visit. If that is what it takes - maybe it is too much!

    And I hope, Twangy, you'll document the experiment in you own inimitable style for all to see.

    Illanare, but where does it start? Do you just visualise youself giving birth or should you visualise yourself pregnant, or concieving or ovulating? Is there enough hours in the day for all this visualisation? What if you visualised a 36 hour labour?

    My Plea-sure N!

    Brilliant CW, by the time you read this I expect you to be pregnant.

    Areyoukiddingme, see? It just works on every level.

    Carolyne, it certainly does maybe we should be copulating in the backrow of the cinema whilst watching a Clockwork Orange ...

    And luckily I had never heard the xtina's power sperm comment, I feel soiled now.

    Adele, nothing says lets get jiggy like in your face orange. It is why it is the traditional colour of valentines day. Isn't it?


    Gracie, tell everyone at work you are rocking the Guantanamo look.

    And why not Kelly

    BABY STEPS, the first step on the way to setting things right is to admitt where you have been wrong. Now get out there in an orange maxi dress.

    TheSheila, but did she say within WHICH three months?

    You are the person who proves the rule, thetallredhead, and to think I stopped colouring my hair red when we started trying to get pregnant in case the chemicals would hurt the eggs.

    Sarah, there are times when you must put aside such things as looking attractive - hell lets face it for IUI you hardly need to seduce the nurse.

    Jane, I wish you every success. (Though make sure you don't have folki staying in the aforementioned room when you try this).

    Keeping The Hope, I guarentee that before this cycle is over you will have tried the organe room, just in case. I know I would.

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  19. i have good news to share with the world today, i made a vow to my self that i will tell the world about Doctor Zaza after he helped me with his spell that made my wife and i settled our difference. We where both married for years without issue, we visited different hospitals but nor could help us. i loved my wife so much and never intended to drive her out for a second woman. One day as we where both deliberating on how to solve our bareness we got a new from a radio station that Doctor Zaza can put a stop to all problem with his spell so we called his mobile number and then emailed him for a solution and after all was done i and very glade to announce to the world that my wife had a set of twine 9 month later. Do you have problem of any kind and you think all hope is lost then you have a chance to met Doctor Zaza today for help his email is: indiaspellcaster@hotmail.com

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  20. Hello Friend

    I have something to share with you!!! There is a great joy in my heart which I want to share with everyone. My name is Doreen. I had misunderstanding with my lover few years ago; which led to our break up and he never wanted to hear my voice again. He saw a beautiful lover more prettier than myself, but as time went on I met Doctor Zaza. He is a great spell caster (medicine man ). I contacted him through his email and explained everything to him. He said that I shouldn't worry because my lover will come back to me on his knees begging for forgiveness. I bought some item that he told me to buy for the preparation of the spell. After everything was prepared he told me that my lover will come to me with 24 hours begging. My greatest joy now is that he actually came back to me and fell on his knees begging for forgiveness, and today we are happy. Do you have any problem with your loved one and Do not know what to do? Well worry no more because Doctor Zaza can provide you with a spell to get him or her back just as he helped me. Contact Doctor Zaza today via email: indiaspellcaster@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  21. i am very happy today for what God used doctor Zaza a great spell caster to do in my life. i had misunderstanding with my husband in the past and so it led to us breaking up for 3 years but one day i saw a post of Mrs Rebeca who posted on the internet that Doctor Zaza a great spell caster helped her with a spell that brought her Husband back so i decided to contact Doctor Zaza the great Spell caster to help me and he assured me that my Husband will come back to me, luckily today i am very glade to write on this wall that Nick my husband has come back to me as the great spell caster Doctor Zaza said. Do you have a problem with you Husband, boy friend, girl friend, relations or in your office and you think you have lost them? worry no more because Doctor Zaza the great spell caster can help you just as he helped me bring my Husband back okay. contact Doctor Zaza today via email: indiaspellcaster@hotmail.com

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  22. it was very terrible when i started with my relationship 3 year back, when Harry called me on phone from Minnesota and said bye to me,i could not understand him well because its very funny. In June i went to see him and he said to my face it is over.i was so sown and never know what to do, when i was on Google, i saw Doctor Zaza contact where everyone was testifying on his spiritual power so i mailed and called him and explained my problems to him and all he said was don't worry because i will help you with your case and truly after all was done,my problems solved and 7days later Harry came back to me and apologize, its like a dream i started counting days but Harry nevered thought of living me. Do you have problems and need a solution then contact Doctor Zaza now for help via email: indiaspellcaster@hotmail.com

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  23. I have a testimony to share with you only if you are willing to listen to me, My name is Williams Edwin from London. i have been having problems in some aspect of my life which almost led me to commit suicide, several time i applied for jobs and each time i was turn down, it came to a point that my girl friend left me for another guy and this made me to have high blood pressure (B.P). One day as i was looking for job online on the internet i came across a testimony of a woman how a great spell caster called Doctor Zaza help her with his spell to solve her problems so i decided to contact the Spell caster (Doctor Zaza) by mail. i narrated all my story to him and the only thing he told me was don't worry because your problems are solve already for you have made the right choice of contacting me. i filled his form and provide the item he requested from me for the preparation of the spell to get me a good job, bring my ex back and also to heal my high blood pressure (B.P) and today my brothers and sisters that are reading this i am very glad to say that Doctor Zaza is a God on earth sent by God to solve problems. I have a good Job now, My ex is back and i am healed of my High Blood Pressure (B.P). Do you have problems and you think all hope is gone, i advise you to contact Doctor Zaza today and your problem will be solve just as he solve mine ok. Doctor Zaza email is: indiaspellcaster@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies

    1. I am MOORE JULIET from Australia, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don't know where else to turn, until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr.Sam on his email after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact him for help via email: miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@gmail.com or miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@yahoo.com or through his website: http://miraclefertilityso.wix.com/dr-sam You can also contact him through his mobile: +2348110496031. YOU CAN ALSO READ MY TESTIMONY ON MY BLOGGER LINK: http://moorejuliet.blogspot.com He is a good spell caster

      Delete
  24. I am the happiest person on earth today because my lover who ran away five years ago came back to me on his knees with tears on his eye begging me to forgive him and accept him back, Doctor Zaza a great Spell caster made this possible with the help of a spell. i saw his email on the internet where a girl post on how Doctor Zaza helped her, so i decided to contact him and he told me that every thing will be fine and now i am happy because Doctor Zaza is a man of his word because everything went well as he promised me. Are you having misunderstanding with your love or is he seeing someone else? what is your problem that you wish to solve? contact Doctor Zaza today via email and every thing will be fine indiaspellcaster@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  25. My Name is Doreen, i am so happy because a great spell caster helped me with a spell that brought my ex back. Do you need a spell to bring your ex back then contact Doctor Zaza now via email: indiaspellcaster@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete
  26. Be careful here nobody can help you here or even suggest how you can get your ex or love back,any testimonies of most spell caster here must be ignore.because most of them are scam i mean real scam which i was a victim and i got ripped of thousands of dollars because i was so anxious to get my wife back after she left me for over 2 years with my 7 years old son jerry,i have applied to 7 different spell caster here and all to no avail they all ask for same thing send your name your ex name address and picture phone number etc which i did over and over again and most of them were from west Africa until i saw a post about mama Anita spell and i decided to gave her my last trail.she ask me four things my real name,my ex and my ex mother name and $180 and said my ex will come back in 24hours, i have paid over $3000 on spell casting and courier and nothing have work for me after 3 days i was thinking about how much i have lost so far so i said let me give her a try so i called her again and send my real name,my ex and my ex mother name and the $180 because i swear it was my last try so i was waiting as she told me to wait till next day and i could not sleep that night because i really love my wife and want her back at 9pm that day i saw my wife on line on face book and she said hi at first i was shock because she never talk with me for the past a year and 9 month now i did not reply again she said are you there? i quickly reply yes and she said can we see tomorrow i said yes and she went off-line i was confused i try to chat her again but she was no more on line i could not sleep that night as i was wondering what she is going to say, by 7.am the next morning she gave me a miss call i decided not to call back as i was still on shock again she call and i pick she said can we see after work today i said yes so she end the call immediately i got off work she call me and we meet and now we are back again i call mama anita the next day thanking her for what she has done in fact i still call her and thank her as my life was not complete without my wife please be careful here i have been scam thousands of dollars if you want a true love spell then contact mama Anita (mama.anitatruelovespell@gmail.com)

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  27. I was very skeptical about spell casters, but I definately had to admit you have strong powers ogbefispell@gmail.com, she came back after my biggest mistake in life and pardon me. thanks , I will always recomend you.

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  28. I am very happy today for what God used Doctor Udolowa a great spell caster to do in my life. i had misunderstanding with my husband in the past and so it led to us breaking up for 3 years but one day i saw a post of Mrs Bella who posted on the internet that Doctor Udolowa a great spell caster helped her with a spell that brought her Husband back so i decided to contact Doctor Udolowa the great Spell caster to help me and he assured me that my Husband will come back to me, luckily today i am very glad to write on this wall that Arthur my husband has come back to me as the great spell caster Doctor Udolowa said. Do you have a problem with you Husband, boy friend, girl friend, relations or in your office and you think you have lost them? worry no more because Doctor Udolowa the great spell caster can help you just as he helped me bring my Husband back okay. contact Doctor Udolowa today via email: Udospiritualspelltemple@hotmail.com

    ReplyDelete

  29. I am MOORE JULIET from Australia, I have been trying for 5years to get pregnant and needed help! i have Been going to the doctors but still nothing. The doctor said that me and my husband are fine and I don't know where else to turn, until one day my friend introduce me to this great spell caster who helped her to get back her lost husband back with love spell and also made her pregnant, So I decided to contact this spell caster Dr.Sam on his email after interaction with him he instructed me on what to do, after then i should have sex with the my husband or any man I love in this world, And i did so, within the next one months i went for a check up and my doctor confirmed that i am 2weeks pregnant of two babies. I am so happy!! if you also need help to get pregnant or need your ex back please contact him for help via email: miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@gmail.com or miraclefertilitysolutiontemple@yahoo.com or through his website: http://miraclefertilityso.wix.com/dr-sam You can also contact him through his mobile: +2348110496031. YOU CAN ALSO READ MY TESTIMONY ON MY BLOGGER LINK: http://moorejuliet.blogspot.com He is a good spell caster

    ReplyDelete


  30. i am giving this testimony cos l am happy My name is mrs. Lara Mark from Houston,taxes.i never believed in love spells or magic until i met this spell caster once. when i went to Africa in July this year on a business summit. i ment a man called dr. UKO.He is powerful he could help you cast a spells to bring back my love’s gone,misbehaving lover looking for some one to love you, bring back lost money and magic money spell or spell for a good job.i’m now happy & a living testimony cos the man i had wanted to marry left me 3 weeks before our wedding and my life was upside down cos our relationship has been on for 2 years… i really loved him, but his mother was against me and he had no good paying job. so when i met this spell caster, i told him what happened and explained the situation of things to him..at first i was undecided,skeptical and doubtful, but i just gave it a try. and in 6 days when i returned to taxes, my boyfriend (is now my husband ) he called me by himself and came to me apologizing that everything had been settled with his mom and family and he got a new job interview so we should get married..i didn’t believe it cos the spell caster only asked for my name and my boyfriends name and all i wanted him to do… well we are happily married now and we are expecting our little kid,and my husband also got a new job and our lives became much better. in case anyone needs the spell caster for some help, email address ukospelltemple@yahoo.com Great UKO i thank you very much thank you in 1000000 times.. if not you i would have been losted and wasted thank you. please make sure you contact him for any financial difficulties okay.. What a powerful man such as Dr UKO.. he is so much powerful..\\ email him for any difficulties.. ukospelltemple@yahoo.com or his website: ukospelltemple.wixsite.com/mysite

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I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!