Saturday, 24 July 2010

Wow!

Thanks so much for all the support, and the lovely, touching, expletive-ridden comments on the last post. I really needed them. And I was delighted to receive comments from people I assumed had long drifted away, folk peeking out of the cloud to wish me well.

Part of me feels a bit guilty at all the outpouring of sympathy for what is only wee hiccup.

It is pause, what is another four months when I've been waiting this long? I'm in a holding bay, not derailed.

I haven't had the heartbreak of a miscarriage that so many of you have suffered. And yet still you generously kick the furniture on my behalf.

I don't even have to do much during this break. I haven't been tasked with shedding weight at a time when comfort eating is really fucking appealing.

I have been forced to wait for my own good, not because of administrative incompetence or waiting lists and I've been on hold for three months before for that very reason.

And, as the husband continually likes to point out, I don't have cancer.

Adele asked how serious the atypia was, to be honest I didn't ask. Last time I had a biopsy it was mild so I'll assume that is still the case. I started to worry about the Doctor's littering the consultation with words like 'priority', 'urgent', 'special case' and 'have you ever had a clear biopsy?'. But I think he used those in the context of reassuring me that I wouldn't be forgotten rather than this was really serious.

I'm not going to go all Pollyanna on you. It is still a bummer. One of the first thing I thought was, 'there goes my chance of a baby before I'm 35,' a depressing through coming just over a week after my 34th birthday. And, of course, I thought about the ever widening age gap between my kids and those of my friends.

Worse case scenario is that the treatment doesn't clear up my womb lining. I'm not sure what the next steps would then be, and I'm not going to think about that.

Best case will mean IVF in December, just over four years after we started trying. So I'm focusing on that.

In the meantime I will still keep blogging, as soon as I stopped last time I really missed it so I'm not going to make that mistake twice.

So stay tuned kids.


13 comments:

  1. Great to see you so upbeat. As someone who fretted for years about the age gap between my kids, believe me, it doesn't matter, or I hope it won't when the pregnancy/adoption eventually happens. 2 of my mutual friends who are best friends have kids at the opposite age of the spectrumm, one had them very young and her eldest is in uni now, the other was in her late thirties and her kids are aged 1-5 and it doesn't matter a jot but I do hear what you are saying.
    As you say, your husband is right and your health is the most important here.
    Good luck my dear and glad to hear you are going to keep blogging

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  2. Having a baby before you're 35 is overrated (so says someone who had hers at 37)!

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  3. anxiously waiting... Hope you're going to still be a regular on the blog though!

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  4. Hey, if it's any consolation, my September cycle also got blown out of the water this week courtesy of my appendix having to be summarily evicted. So I've also been given a minimum of 3 months on the bench....

    Doing nothing won't be easy, so I guess this means you will definitely have to keep blogging - we'd really miss you if you didn't. Look after yourself.

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  5. Your attitude is inspiring. BTW I tried to give support on your previous post, but I think the computer ate my comment.

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  6. You are right. Logic prevails. This is just a hiccup.
    ....but if you do feel like kicking furniture and yelling obscenities, I'm right there with you babe.

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  7. Shit. Only just seen these last two posts. FFS. Basically. We owe you a wine sodden evening and that will be getting put in the diaries as soon as we get back. (Look forward to that tedious round of planning emails!)

    Ugh.

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  8. It all sucks. There is no comparing. You deserve the sympathy. :)

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  9. Even the wee hiccups can be painful ones but I think you're looking at this the right way: it's for your own good. Terrible as it is to wait (yet again) this is going to give you the best possible conditions when going forward. I also think it's safe to assume that it's mild this time around, as well - the doc would surely have mentioned something, otherwise, and he sounds very mindful of the plan of getting you to
    IVF in December.

    I'm so glad you're going to keep blogging. When you went on hiatus I missed your posts.

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  10. Good on you, girl. I am very optimistic for you.

    (Though there's nothing wrong with venting once in a while. You are only human.)

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  11. Sorry to hear about your diagnosis, that truly sucks big time! I understand your feelings about age, but as long as you stay young at heart, that's what counts. I'm glad you'll continue blogging - it's good for you to express yourself and personally I love reading your posts.

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  12. Health comes bafore everything else..I cross my fingers for you here from Belgium, I am very sure that you will be ok and you will get your little one in your arms next year..
    I am so happy to hear that you do not stop with blogging, I like to read it very much:))
    Big hugs from Belgium...

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  13. I think you're coping brilliantly, Liz. As many others have said, your health has to come first. This three month wait will be worth it if it means that you go into IVF with the greatest possible chance of it working.

    And do try not to worry too much about being an 'older' mum. I had Little Miss at 37, and can honestly say that all we went through to get her has made me a more patient and appreciative mother. The one good thing about being the last in a group of friends to have a baby is that not only do you have the benefit of their collective experience(!), but also lots of hand-me-downs...

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