Thanks so much for all the support, and the lovely, touching, expletive-ridden comments on the last post. I really needed them. And I was delighted to receive comments from people I assumed had long drifted away, folk peeking out of the cloud to wish me well.
Part of me feels a bit guilty at all the outpouring of sympathy for what is only wee hiccup.
It is pause, what is another four months when I've been waiting this long? I'm in a holding bay, not derailed.
I haven't had the heartbreak of a miscarriage that so many of you have suffered. And yet still you generously kick the furniture on my behalf.
I don't even have to do much during this break. I haven't been tasked with shedding weight at a time when comfort eating is really fucking appealing.
I have been forced to wait for my own good, not because of administrative incompetence or waiting lists and I've been on hold for three months before for that very reason.
And, as the husband continually likes to point out, I don't have cancer.
Adele asked how serious the atypia was, to be honest I didn't ask. Last time I had a biopsy it was mild so I'll assume that is still the case. I started to worry about the Doctor's littering the consultation with words like 'priority', 'urgent', 'special case' and 'have you ever had a clear biopsy?'. But I think he used those in the context of reassuring me that I wouldn't be forgotten rather than this was really serious.
I'm not going to go all Pollyanna on you. It is still a bummer. One of the first thing I thought was, 'there goes my chance of a baby before I'm 35,' a depressing through coming just over a week after my 34th birthday. And, of course, I thought about the ever widening age gap between my kids and those of my friends.
Worse case scenario is that the treatment doesn't clear up my womb lining. I'm not sure what the next steps would then be, and I'm not going to think about that.
Best case will mean IVF in December, just over four years after we started trying. So I'm focusing on that.
In the meantime I will still keep blogging, as soon as I stopped last time I really missed it so I'm not going to make that mistake twice.
So stay tuned kids.