My brother-in-law calls them "titty-peepers" (charming fella that he is, apparently it is a Scottishism). He is talking about those really dark or mirrored sunglasses that enable him to gaze lasciviously at ladies' jubblies whilst maintaining a veneer of enigmatic disinterest.
I find I'm using my sun-specs for a similar purpose although my gaze is a little further south. No, not that far south; I have no interest in sizing up a male package.
Instead I find myself peering at women's belly-bumps like a rampant, confused, camel. I can't help but check out potential mothers in the vicinity.
Today I saw a complete stranger walking just ahead and as she turn the corner I thought she looked a bit pregnant. But I couldn't quite be sure.
So what did I do? What does any normal, sane person do? They carry on with their little stroll and don't give it another thought.
What does your intreiped, and I'm starting to think possibly slightly unhinged, bloggist do? Yeah, I wacked on a pair of sunnies and started to stalk the woman.
Now I want to be clear. I only followed her for a tiny detour - 20 yards maximum. To be honest I could have walked that way rather than my normal route, the streets were parallel. I had no intention of trailing her for the remainder of her pregnancy and kidnapping her child. But for just a few minutes today finding out whether this woman, who was totally unknown to me, was pregnant became incredibly important.
It was like biting on a mouth ulcer or pressing a bruise. And yes, she was pregnant.
Tell me, am I turning into a crazy infertile?