Thursday, 22 July 2010

I Knew It

I knew it when I called up last week for the results of my biopsy and was given an appointment in 8 days which, by NHS standards, is warp speed.

I knew it when I went into the doctor's office today and he asked, nervously:
"Are you here alone?" (The husband was delayed at work but turned up two minutes later)

I knew it when he picked up his pen, didn't write anything, and put it down again.

I knew it by the way he hesitantly shuffled his papers.

I knew it when he said, "It isn't good news..."

The biopsy showed atypical (or as mere mortals like to say "not normal") cells. There is something not very reassuring about a doctor telling me "it isn't cancer ... yet".

The medical term is Endometrial hyperplasia with atypia. For those who found this blog because they have similar issues this is quite a good description of what is going on. (And there are some more links from this post).

Together the husband and I sat like obedient school children, wide-eyed and quiet as the Doctor told us what the next steps were.

I am to have the Mirena coil, again, this time for just three months (or as the fertiles like to call this time span "a trimester"). But that is not all, they want to "attack the abnormal cells aggressively" so I also get to take a daily double dose of Cerazette which, apparently is a a progesterone pill.

Expect mood swings and poor sleeping patterns, warned the Doctor. The husband rolled his eyes comically. I just sat, unblinking.

After the three months, he assured me, I would be right back in for another biopsy and, assuming that is clear, I go straight onto IVF with no delay. Hmmm, I've heard that before.

The husband was impressed at how focussed I was. I felt completely numb, but I thought clearly. I asked intelligent questions, like:
"Last time you said I needed to have a month of suppression before starting IVF, will the coil count as that suppressant? Can I go straight from that to egg stimulation?"

I like to think I saw a glimmer of admiration in the doctor's eyes at the question. But still he quashed my hopes, the Mirena coil is too effective a suppressant, so I will still need to wait at least a month after the coil comes out before IVF.

So once again I'm back, waiting for my womb to sort itself out. And again I'm amazed at how apt my blog title is. It was chosen for its pun value only, before I had any idea what might be preventing a pregnancy. But now I do kinda wish I had called it "Ultra-fertile, healthy, slim, beautiful, lottery winner's blog."


42 comments:

  1. Oh, Liz. Jesus God. I'm so, so sorry. A 4 month delay and now such an added worry too: this is NOT how this was supposed to be. Talk about an unwitting self-fulfilling bloody prophecy. Any chance of changing it to 'Unprecedented Womb Improvement' instead?! You poor, poor messed-about girl. No fair! No fair at all. Sending you large and very heartfelt hugs.

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  2. Really sorry to hear this, Liz. Don't know what else to say to you. It's all so bloody unfair. Sending you more hugs xx

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  3. ugh shit. i'm sooo sorry. this just plain sucks and it's incredibly unfair. i'm hope you're doing okay and have some relief in knowing that you have a plan. coil, one month rest, and then ivf. before you know it, you'll be knocked up. i'll be hoping hard for this to go smoothly so that you can finally have your turn :o) *hugs*.

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  4. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I know that doesn't sound like a particularly intelligent response, but it's all I'm coming up with right now.

    I read that first link and they talk about Endometrial hyperplasia with atypia ranging from moderate to severe - did he give you an idea for where you are on this spectrum? (I'm hoping the fact that he wants to treat it is as he does means moderate.)

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  5. Oh shit. I am so sorry. Wish there was something I could say to make if all better.
    Thinking of u.
    X

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  6. Oh damn. That really sucks and I am very sorry. I guess that the upside is, you have a plan, and a plan is always good. I hope you are doing ok.

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  7. I am so sorry to hear this. Many prayers aer being sent your way in the hopes that the 3 months on Mirena and the aggressive attack on the cells does in fact fix it. If you need a willing ear, I'm around.

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  8. Shit. Shitty shit shit DAMN bugger and blast. I am so sorry. This is very sucky. ANOTHER delay, and worry, and hormonal about-fuckage.

    So sorry. Argh. SO sorry.

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  9. Well, there is a brighter side to this debacle (let me think of an apt analogy...it's like when you veer off course to avoid stepping in gum, but end up in some dog shit - still a distasteful landing, but easier to wash off)...early detection can prevent worse problems. I'm sorry that you have to go through this - fear, delay, frustration - and I hope the next few months pass quickly and you find yourself with no more atypical cells. And to echo the previous commenters: Fuck...and...that's not fair.

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  10. wow that sucks. I know it must feel like climbing up a very steep mountain with the oxygen running out but we're all on the sidelines waving supplies and making you look at the summit. it may be shrouded in mist, but it is there.

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  11. Oh god. I'm so, so sorry to read this, Liz. This is all just so fucking unfair.

    I'm thinking of you as you try to process the news, and embark on yet another three months of delay, frustration and nasty side effects. I just wish there was more I could do or say....

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  12. Wow, I'm speechless! Areyoukiddingme said it best.

    Do take a deep breath and take time to process this bump in the road.

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  13. Shit, I'm so, so sorry Liz.

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  14. What crap-tastic news. Seriously. I'm so sorry to hear all of that. I know that nothing I can say will make it better and I certainly won't tell you the four months will fly by, because they won't, not for you. But you know that. Please just know that you are in my heart and in my thoughts during this crappy, crappy time.

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  15. Stacy in Texas22 July 2010 at 21:35

    Oh I'm so sorry. I've been reading your journey for over a year now and I truly, truly pray for the day that I stop by and you have wonderful news for us. Sending you warm thoughts across an ocean ...

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  16. Holy Crap. I'm so sorry. What the hell. Thinking of you during this YET ANOTHER delay. Can a girl catch a break?

    I wish I could fix it....

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  17. I'm so sorry, that is so unfair.

    Thinking of you.

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  18. Damn, damn, damn and damn, am so sorry to hear this *hugs*

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  19. Ugh. Doesn't it suck being right when you don't want to be? I'm so sorry you got this crappy news. Take care of yourself. (((Hugs)))

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  20. Holy Jesus, what a whammy. Unfair is all that comes to mind with another string of expletives. Damn. I am incredibly sorry and really send positve non-cancer sustaining vibes your direction. It's scary and damn frustrating all at once. I am thinking slinky whenever you use the word coil and also imagine that the upcoming cure will not be that awful. Gah.

    Okay, so still sending you good thoughts and whatever luck Ive got for parking. I know it's no lotto, but, hey, I missed the lotto luck and baby luck train by days. Parking luck is all I got.

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  21. F@#k, just f@#k... thinking of you.

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  22. It's like a bad joke now, really sorry.

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  23. Oh honey. I'm so sorry. This is not the news anyone wanted to hear. hugs

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  24. No no nonono! I mean, not cancer yet? Horrible. Amazing you kept your focus, good for asking questions. Just hope that the numb feeling will cover the lurking abyss of despair. We should not have to find out it is there (I hate being there, and I don't even have real bad stuff happening to me)
    Sorry for mood swings, hormonal or otherwise. Hold on...

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  25. OH CURSE CURSE CURSE, unprintable CURSES. Oh man. I am really sorry, Liz.
    I was a bit worried, too, with the lightening quick appointment, but the biopsy dude said everything looked GOOD. Thinking of you, my friend, and willing all to be well.

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  26. Rachel - Berlin23 July 2010 at 10:00

    Keep strong Liz - thinking of you.

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  27. OMG Liz, I am so sorry to read this. Thinking of you.

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  28. Oh no, I'm so sorry. This sucks. I've been on Cerazette, single dose though, and it was quite ok (except for absence of any and all kinds of cervial fluid, arousal lube, etc.) Hope the treatment works well and then you can move on to a successful IVF!

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  29. F-U universe!!! I am so sorry. I just can't believe this. I wish I had something to say to make it better...

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  30. Wow...I'm so sorry to hear about this. At least your doctor has what sounds like a good treatment plan - I'll keep my fingers and toes crossed for you.
    Wish I had words of wisdom, but all I can offer is hugs and hope.

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  31. Oh that is so unfair and craptastic. I'm sorry to hear that - and after all this waiting already. I'm really glad that you have a plan in place, though, and that the treatment is aggressive. Sending you a lot of love and healing energy. Keep us posted...

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  32. Heartfelt hugs gratefully welcomed HFF

    Cheers, Jane, there’s not a lot to say…

    A plan is good Sienna, just hope everything sticks to it.

    I forgot to ask what category I was Adele, but last time it was mild. So hopefully it hasn’t got worse.

    Thanks Nic

    Ta, Irrationalexuberance, I’m ok.

    I appreciate it April

    Do you think either of us will ever surmount our various delays Nuts?

    Areyoukiddingme, that was one of the most tortuous analogy I’ve ever heard. I love it.

    Another equally analogy tortuous, abumpyride, that’s why I love you guys.

    Ms Heathen, not a lot to be said, but just saying anything helps.

    I’m taking lots of deep breaths, Jem

    It wasn’t your fault AL, was it?

    To be fair Kait, the first half of the year has flown so hopefully the second half won’t be so slow.

    Hey, Texan Stacy, I remember an early comment of yours nice to see you back.

    Apparently not Murgdan, sigh.

    I wish fairness did come into it Illanare

    Damn indeed Lorna

    Yeah, lady pumpkin, I would happily have been wrong on this occasion.

    Thanks for the good vibrations Misfits, (I always think of a slinky too)

    Yup, Jenn, sigh.

    There’s something wrong with the ‘u’ and ‘c’ on your keyboard Serendipity

    Are you talking about my blog in general Xbox? Cause I thought a few jokes were ok …

    Thanks Deardarl/ Amanda/ Corymbia (I still haven’t decided which is best) st

    I dunno Valery, you’ve had to deal with worse.

    You saw it coming too then Twangy?

    Hey Rachel from Berlin! Good to hear from you. Thanks

    Tut tut Barb, emoticons!

    Thanks, Secret D, how are you getting on?

    Conceptionallychallenged, should I invest in some KY Jelly then?!

    A Decade of BFNs, me too.

    Cheers Jackie, impressive typing with your fingers crossed.

    Stickles McQueen, I will, of course.

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  33. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  34. That just plain sucks - I'm so sorry and hope you're ok.

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  35. Oh hell. Just catching up. Shit and sorry

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  36. Oh, I'm so sorry to see this. All I can come up with to say is CRAP!!

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  37. That is just crap. I'm sorry, hopefully this will be your last hurdle and you will finally get to start the ivf after the 4 months are up.

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  38. Hey. I know I'm more than a little late in commenting, but wanted you to know that I am just so pissed that you have to deal with this again. I'm SO glad it isn't cancer and that you have the opportunity to treat it now. But damn. Another wait.

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  39. Sorry this is so late, but I am so sorry you were dealt this shitty hand once again. Thinking of you and hope this break is what it takes to get you on the path to motherhood once and for all.

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