Sunday, 20 June 2010

Three strikes and you're ... what?

About those four pregnancy tests.

For the majority of this year I have tried to forget about conception, let things happen naturally, and … um … what’s the word? Ah yes, relax. 'Cause I've heard that is how you get pregnant.

It didn’t work. My period came and went with surprising regularity (especially considering my past form when cycles of 80 or 90 days were common). Then, come the end of April, I decided in one last-ditch attempt to get up the duff naturally I’d test for ovulation. (Yeah, this was when I really believed my June appointment would result in IVF not more waiting – stop sniggering at the back.)

From day 11 my morning ritual included soaking a digital ovulation test in vial of my own amber nectar. And yes, contrary to my usual parsimony I decided to go digital all they way, after all how many could I get through in one cycle?

Answer: 39.

For thirty nine days straight I hopefully splashed out to be rewarded by a blank face indicating no ovulation action.

After about 20 days when, in theory, I was due a period. I had the bizarre opportunity to test for both pregnancy and ovulation at the same time. Both negative.

A week later (whilst still frantically hoping for ovulation) I had another go.

Still Negative.

Last Thursday, on the day of my appointment, I decided to take another pregnancy test and for added accuracy I wanted the first urine of the day. So I took a test.

At four o’clock in the morning.

It looked negative.

When I checked again in the cold light of day I thought I saw something.

Can you see it?

If you look really, really carefully where the line that indicates pregnancy should be there are two incredibly thin pink lines (this was the best picture I can get, but you can see it clearly on the actual test).

After never having had a second line on a pregnancy test I suddenly had three! What did this mean? Twins perhaphs?!

The morning was spent googling and although I found numerous references to people getting three lines on their pregnancy tests no one came back to tell me if they had subsequently discovered they were pregnant.

Eventually I rang the helpline on the packet.

“It is faulty” the woman dismissed my query and dashed my hopes. She started to tell me how I could go about getting a refund. For once I wasn’t interested in getting my money back.

I told her this and explained all I really wanted to know whether there was any chance it could mean I was pregnant. She told me the test meant nothing.

So I’m mentioning the brand name, not to name and shame (they were very nice on the phone and answered immediately which was a refreshing change), but for anyone who finds this blog by googling:

“Three lines on a First Response Pregnancy test”

Allow me to tell you the test is bust.

It means nothing.

You need to take another test.

I did.

And it was negative (of course).


  1. Awww shit. Gutted is not the word here.

  2. Of course, a certain number of pregnancy tests are bound to fail, but how frustrating! Happy that they had good customer service, anyway.

  3. Oh that SUCKS. I'm sorry. :(

  4. OFFS. Was reading that post with my heart in my mouth. Sorry missus. xx

  5. I'm sorry. Three lines should mean something special. Not a negative.

  6. UGH, that sucks. I'm sorry.

  7. Damnit, my heart just about broke for you reading this.

    Rubbish, just rubbish :-(

  8. ((((((((((((((WFI))))))))))) You just didn't need to ever get that dud test.

  9. Oh, lovey. Bloody First Response. Try a Tesco one to be sure!

    My cycles are so borked that I frequently take a pregnancy test and ovulation test together; you are not alone.

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  11. Damn it damn it damn it. As if it's not enough to soak 39 ovulation tests in one month, digital no less. And then a triple line on a pg test. The universe is laughing - or crying. Not sure which.

    I'd have hoped for sure. I'd have been certain (what could be better than 2 lines? 3 lines, of course).

    Damn them, even if they were nice on the telephone.

  12. 39 ovulation tests?! Ugh... horrible.

    And three lines on a pg test?

    What a mind-fuck.

  13. Confirming my theory that those sticks are agents of the devil. I realize some people get positive results, but I never have and say they are evil, evil, evil.

  14. Well fuck it anyway. Can't think of anything else to say.

  15. I had a very clearly positive test, then I repeated it 3 hours later just to be sure and it was negative. The second test was the correct one. I was heartbroken and a refund for the faulty test would not have made me feel any better.

  16. Jacked. I thought this was so jacked up I read it to the Mr. and he said, "man that's just fucking with your head." Damn. I will never, ever look at those tests the same again.


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