Sunday, 4 April 2010

Sign of the times

At my last Doctor's appointment I was given some things to sign prior to the IVF.

"Just a few consent forms" the Doctors said nonchalently, before heaving out an amazonian forest's worth of paper. "We make you sign your consent for things that you are very unlikely to need, but it just means if there is an unexpected procedure that we have to do, we don't have to waste time waiting for consent."

That was this weekend's job, and I needed the extra days.

I signed:
  • The Registration form - where the fuck was the husband born again? I don't think Teuchter-land counts
  • Parental Responsibility form - I think this only for couples who aren't married, but what the hell I signed it anyway
  • Patient Information and Consent form - saying we are happy to be tested for HIV, it has already been done but aye, go on, do your worse
  • Consent to Examination and Treatment - carries the line: "I understand that at consultation, and during the course of any ensuing treatment, it may be necessary to undergo internal examination and internal scan." You don't say, and there was I thinking the Doctor just fancied me
  • Your Consent To The Disclosure of Identifying Information - I don't have any tattoos but I do have a scar on my arm, does that count?
  • Consent to Disclosure of Identifying Information To Another Person Not Covered By A License - I think, as this blog proves, I have no fear of disclosing personal information
  • Welfare of the Child form - this one is classic. It includes questions including: Do you have any previous convictions related to harming children? Yes/No (if yes provide details). I figure this isn't going to be so effective at stopping abusers having children as stopping really dumb, easy to catch abusers having children.
  • Consent For In Vitro Fertilisation - well, I've got this far
  • Consent To The Use Of The ICSI Technique - this'll be one of those you probably won't need it but just in case, so I signed away
  • Multiple Pregnancy Information Sheet - yup, read and understood. Maybe I'll just get the one egg transferred to begin with
  • Consent For The Cryopreservation of Embryos - Gosh! How space age that sounds
  • Consent For Blastocyst Embryo Transfer - which means, will you let us wait a couple more days to transfer the embryo if need be. Fine by me
  • Consent For Assisted Zona Hatching - Uh? This was new to me. Apparently they crack the egg if the skin is a bit hard
  • Consent For Use And Storage Of Eggs and Embryos For Your Treatment - Fine. I don't want them thrown away before I know if I need them
  • Consent For Use And Storage Of Sperm And Embryos For Your Partner's Treatment - I'm a dab hand a forging the husbands signature by now
  • Consent Form for Heparin Treatment with IVF - er ... ok ... whatever that is
  • A whole questionaire asking things like: Do you wear glasses (not anymore) and How will you get home after surgery (Car / taxi/ Public transport - I think we can stretch to a taxi on this occasion).
So there we go. All signed, sealed, and hopefully one day I'll get to deliver.



16 comments:

  1. Heparin: blood thinny stuff via injection!

    I'm hoping for you to deliver too, dear!

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  2. ahhhhh...the ivf paperwork. My clinic made me fill out a fresh set with each cycle. I never did it right.

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  3. I remember all the horrible "what if" questions. What should we do with your embryos if you both die? Does your husband consent to them still being transfered if he dies between fertilization and transfer? Can your husband use your embryos with another woman if you die? And on and on. Hopefully they never actually need to look that stuff up!

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  4. Wow, it's real, eh? In black and white.
    Lots of good luck, WFI - this is very positive. Fingers in crossed position!

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  5. It's a blizzard of paperwork, isn't it? Like Finch, we weren't prepared for questions about what to do with embryos if one of us dies. Yikes.

    I figure it's like signing up for a road race. You have just received your number and chip, and you are in the warm-up stage. You're going to be on your way SOON.

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  6. Wow, that's a lot of consent forms! I hope you will be delivering soon too. :)

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  7. Wow... I bet your hand was sore after filling all of that out.

    One step closer!

    Good luck

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  8. HFF, I knew that Heparin was for blood thining – just can’t workout why that is needed for IVF

    You’d think they could photocopy Megan

    Which is odd that I didn’t get those Finch, cause if there is one form you can’t fill out retrospectively it is one in the event of your death.

    It is getting realer Twangy (and if realer isn’t a word it should be)

    I’m revving my engine Adele

    Nothing compare to adoption forms, myprettyones

    It did ache Kelly, the most proper writing I’ve done for ages.

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  9. Funny! Especially that it's only convictions regarding harming children that would disqualify you... apparently you're good to go if you only beat on old ladies.

    I also read your eye surgery post, and it freaked me the fuck out. I don't think I'll ever bring myself to go through with it.

    Am excited for your IVF-- fingers crossed!

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  10. That's almost as many forms as for adoption...

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  11. Ahhhh - I'm currently trying to fill in forms to access G's superannuation. It would help if anyone at the superannuation comapny actually bothered to read through the forms before sending them out....

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  12. Wow, it's really all happening!

    The one question we hesitated over was the one about what to do with the extra frozen embryos - destroy, donate or give to medical research. We ticked both the latter, but it turns out there was no extra.

    C was also asked what he wanted to do with his extra unused sperm samples. He also ticked the boxes donate or medical research, which at first I found a bit disturbing - the thought of someone else making his babies. Then I figured that the world would be a better place with his warm happy genes spread around the place... I suppose everyone deals with it differently.

    G x

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  13. That is a lot of forms. Ours seem small in comparison. Things are moving forward.

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  14. All for a chance, huh? By the third go round, we pretty much just breezed through the forms. I don't think our humor was much appreciated when we got to the "What happens to our embryos if we should divorce or yadda, yadda..." Our conversation went along the lines: "So who got 'em last time?" "Okay it's my turn to get 'em then." LOL. Mind you we weren't expecting freezer babies with our track record. (-;

    Glad the forms are done. One step closer.

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  15. Oh yeah, Leslie, Old ladies are fair game.

    Dr Spouse, I dread to think how many more forms adoption would entail, hopefully I'll never know.

    At least I am riding the crest of excitement Corymbia, dealing with bureaucracy and grief - I cannot imagine.

    We weren't asked what we wanted to do with them after the event Gigi, so that is an in-depth conversation for another day.

    Your NHS trust is clearly trying to save paper Secret D

    Did you start bargaining Lost in Space? Like "OK you can have the embryos but that means I get the CD collection"

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  16. Crikey. Are you sure you haven't accidentally consented to having the house pebble-dashed in all those? I'm gobsmacked.

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