Monday, 15 March 2010

Mind Games

Over the years there have been any number of signs that I have interpreted as sure-fire indications that I am pregnant; sore teeth, a movie selection, IUI ...

And to date none of them have been in any way prescient. So you'd have thought I'd have learned my lesson.

Not a bit of it.

This month's sign was The Thrush.

I have been struck down with a downstairs fungal infection. And casting my net wide for the cause I was pretty sure I'd seen it somewhere on a two-week-wait symptom list on the worldwide net.

Why I decided that this was the only explanation for my third ever bout of thrush can be attributed solely to wishful thinking. Most likely it was my flange finally rebelling, after years of cold speculums and over-lubricated dildo-cams. The final straw was my pre-scan waxing last week. A waxing so severe that, rather than a Brazilian, I was left with a Hitler 'tache. (And a realisation that no, intimate internal investigations had not actually rendered me immune to any embarrassment; lying on my front holding my butt cheeks apart whilst hot wax was being torn from my tenderist of skin I discovered my threshold).

But I digress.

I told myself not to be ridiculous and trotted off to buy some special, soothing cream. But the instructions gave me the green light I was looking for as it specifically forbade its use on the pregnant.

"Well," I reasoned as a scrabbled around furiously in the cupboard finding and unwrapping a pregnancy test in record time, "I'm only checking because it is better to be safe than sorry."

It took just three minutes for the test to confirm that I wasn't pregnant (of course I wasn't, I only had my period two weeks ago and don't seem to have ovulated yet so we were talking biological impossibility). But during that time I had mentally composed the blog announcement and come up with what might have been my best blog post title ever "A Little Birdie Told Me..."

Wasted.

So we go on, just three days now until my initial IVF consultation.

I'll tell you something, even though I should be ovulating any day now there is no chance that I'll get pregnant this month.

Because I've got an itch, but the husband can't scratch it.


15 comments:

  1. :( Sorry for the preg test.

    I want to hear more about the waxing though.

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  2. Oy. Bad luck. The Thrush, it is a horrible thing, yea verily.

    It would have been such a cute story, though. *sigh*

    Fingers crossed for you.

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  3. Your accounting of the waxing totally cracked me up, Liz. Here's hoping things are on the mend in the ladybits soon!

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  4. You are a very brave woman for getting waxed prior to any appt! I love my Hubby but hot wax will not touch my girly bits unless he gets his bits done first!

    I hope that all goes well at your IVF consultation.

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  5. Oh my. That waxing sounds like an absolute nightmare. In fact I might have nightmares about it.
    Hope the appointment goes well.

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  6. Suckage.

    But I have gone out in sympathy.

    Damn you.

    Itch itch itch

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  7. Every time you post I think there is going to be a pregnancy announcement, it must be the way you write them. I was hoping that we would have a surprise, miracle pregnancy before starting IVF but we're just not one of the lucky ones which is a bit of a worry as IVF is all about luck!

    I can't believe you have your IVF appointment this week. It seems to have come round quick, we won't be that far apart I am sure. Good luck with the appointment.

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  8. How could I leave a comment and not mention the waxing! I can't believe you have that much waxed off. You are so brave. IVF will be a breeze if you are used to having that done!

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  9. When you're warned off sex, it makes it such a tantalizing prospect, doesn't it?

    Only three days to the IVF - goody! Action, at last, eh? If of a different kind.

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  10. Unfair. The yeasties are terrible. And though I'm glad you'll be having your IVF consultation in short order, it doesn't seem right that you get to arrive there with an unscratchable itch (or, for that matter, with a Hitler tache:)

    I have a parallel fantasy: every time I have an ultrasound, even ones on full flow, I imagine they're going to say, "Oh...oh my. Well, do we have good news for you. You're already pregnant!" I've heard that urban legend one too many times methinks.

    Just three more days. I hope they go quickly (and that The Thrush takes wing even faster).

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  11. Trust me Megan, you don't want to hear more about the waxing.

    It is so horrible May, I deemed it worthy of capital letters.

    I'd like to say cracking you up meant the waxing was worth it Trinity, but I'm not sure.

    Pregnant Yuppy, I suspect you will remain wax free, if your hubby is anything like mine in his utter refusal.

    battynurse, I certainly have nightmares about it.

    Oh no Kelley, is it catching?

    Come on Secret D, you know by now there is never a pregnancy announcement.

    Only three days until the appointment about IVF Twangy, god knows how long until the actual IVF.

    Oh yes Adele, I've had that fantasy...

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  12. That waxing sounds horrific. Thrush sucks. NOt being pregnant also sucks. I hope that your IVF appt goes well :)

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  13. What a delightful waxing story to brighten up an otherwise shite Wednesday afternoon. I am 100% with you on the thursh (actually no, that would be gross) - as in, I had read that it can certainly caused by hormone fluctuations particularly around ovulation. The last time I got it was last August, about 3 days after I started spotting, about 6 days after ovulation. To this day I don't know whether the spotting was anything to do with the thrush or "something else". The month before I also got it and BH and I ignored it becuase we'd just found out everyone got pregnant and so had panic sex for a week. It was agony, put me off for ages. Disastre.

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  14. That waxing sounds horrendous. IVF is going to be a breeze for you.

    I hope the appointment goes well...

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  15. Good luck with appointment today!

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