Wednesday, 24 February 2010

Womb For Improvement and the Mystery of the Missing Period

"This is very curious" thought Liz as, for the third morning in a row, she realised that her period had still not started.

That morning was a Saturday, and she was due to take the train out of town to visit her old folks in the countryside. She had really hoped that she would have started her period by then. "I say!" she exclaimed to her husband, "I don't suppose I could be pregnant could I?"

Her husband, who had seen this carry on before, shrugged unhelpfully and suggested she took a pregnancy test.

"Jolly good idea!" said Liz, as though this was a novel idea (when in actual fact that was exactly what she planned to do any way).

The mystery had started months earlier when she had discovered that following the removal of the coil, her periods had started up again and been more regular than they had been for the whole of her adult life.

This had lulled Liz in a false sense of security, believing that her period would continue to arrive on, or around, the appointed day. She was so complacent nowadays that this month, for the first in many, she hadn't even bothered to check to see when she had ovulated. Besides, she had managed to convince herself, I'll be having IVF next month so it doesn't really matter when I ovulate now, I'm clearly not going to get pregnant by myself.

But now she was flumoxed.

All the clues pointed towards an imminent period; she had frightful stomach cramps, sore breasts and was feeling incredibly lethargic. "Here it comes," she thought grimly.

But the pregnancy test did nothing to resolve the situation, giving no indication of a pregnancy. But neither did it do its normal trick of bringing Liz's period on either.

"This is a queer thing" thought Liz, but she decided against doing another pregnancy test for a few more days. "Good things come to those who wait," she consoled herself.

All the time she was away she would nervously check and double check that her period hadn't arrived. But the weekend away proved uneventful and her hosts' sheets remained unstained.

Monday and Tuesday also came and went but still nothing other than continued cramps.

"I shall test again on Thursday" she resolved. "By then surely the test will be conclusive."

Secretly she had begun to hope that maybe, just maybe, she had managed to get pregnant.

But on Wednesday the inevitable happened. Her period did start.

"Better late than never," she said unconvincingly.

(With apologies to Enid Blyton)


  1. I'm so sorry. There is nothing more frustrating than a late period that does not result in a positive pregnancy test.

  2. So sorry about the negative. Crappy hell.

    But very amused, at the same time:
    "This is a queer thing" thought Liz.

    HA HA HA! PERFECT. Lashings of ginger beer to you, old thing! (Or tequila, as appropriate).

  3. I'm so sorry, hope is an evil witch.

  4. this sounds like the story of my life - waiting for aunt flo to come visit? today, tomorrow? next week or month? WHEN?

    glad she's finally here for you :o)

  5. Blech. I'm so sorry. Periods coming late with no positive test just absolutely suck.

    (Very nicely put, though. ☺ )

  6. Nuts, I was really hoping for a different ending. One of these days...

  7. Oh man that just sucks. AF was late for me this cycle, too. On top of that - she was so light and almost nonexistent I was convinced I was pregnant. Well, get all cleaned out so you'll be ready to go for that IVF next cycle girl! Get some rest!

  8. Shucks. I too was hoping for a different ending to your story. I am so sorry that AF arrived!!

  9. I'm really sorry, Liz. That was an extra ugly twist on this IF rollercoaster...

  10. God, I had to read the end before I'd read the middle (managing my expectations and all that...)

  11. Darn. I was hoping for one of those happy endings that didn't end in a period. Darn.

  12. Ahhh...sorry to hear that.

    Nicely written, though! ;)

  13. I hate that we can talk ourselves out of being pregnant and then, just for a minute, think, well what else could it be? Ugh. That's a rotten yo-yo that AF put you on. I feel your pain.

  14. long time lurker warning:

    what a total mind fuck! Sorry:(

  15. Total bummer, Liz. Putting it mildly. Cheers to CD1, as it's the same for me as well. Sigh.

  16. Sucky, sucky, sucky. EB should have taken a stab at IF (though she probably would have worked in a few secret passages and an, ahem, villain...metaphors for I'm not sure what). Sorry that she showed. Even an entirely rational mind must leap to certain conclusions in the presence of key evidence - personally, I'd have been convinced. And then crushed.

    Damn menstruation. And damn regular cycles, too. The ones that lull you into a certain mindset only to mess you about later.

  17. I can relate. I was going to Toronto for a wedding and AF was 5 days late. HPT said negative. Not convinced, so right before I left for Toronto, I took a beta test on Friday. Called the clinic on Monday, it was a BFN. Of course AF showed up right after the call. AF was 9 days late, and showed up while I was on vacation too! Unbelievable!

  18. Ugh, AF is a dirty @#%$@! I'm curently pissed at her for making me spot and not showing up for REAL yet. Boo!

  19. Your Aunt Flo is one nasty piece of work. Bitch is messing with your head.
    So so sorry about this really crappy cycle.

  20. I was so sure that this was going to be the post with the good news. Don't you just hate it when your period changes tack, just to make sure that you know who is boss.

  21. I dunnon Megan, and IUI / IVF that doesn’t work is a tad more frustrating. Oh well!

    I do mourn the redefining of the word queer, Twangy, sorta.

    Hope, periods, setp mothers … all evil witches. Serendipity

    Yup, at least I can move on and stop analyzing clues Sienna.

    Ta Rebecca, I was going to say better late than never, but that’s not quite true …

    Yup, we’re all hoping for our happy endings. Gilsner.

    Absolute fuckwit Sarah

    I hate how we can start to convince ourselves Cre

    The thing is Rain child, you can pretty much guarentee the more elborate my post the less likely it is that there will be good news at the end of it Rain Child.

    It isn’t a smooth ride, that’s for sure LiS

    Ta Xbox

    Granine, you are an idiot (a lovely one but nonetheless …)

    I suppose a worse ending Jem, would have been no period no baby. Small mercies and all that …

    Thanks Kelly, I get a bit bored with telling the same old story the same way each month.

    I’m very good at coming to the wrong conclusion Misfits, you’d have thought I’d have learnt by now.

    Hi Kansas, I do love a lurker turn commenter!

    And round we go again Trinity…

    You’ve started me thinking of more Enid Blyton metaphors Adele, lashings and lashing of bloody Mary … sorry

    It is almost like it does it on purpose Baby On Mind, odd to think it is part of us not some malevolent outside force, isn’t it.

    Nicely and succinctly put Finch.

    She is teasing you JC

    And it doesn’t take much to mess iwht my head Corymbia

    Secret D, you know me too well by now surely? Good news would never be given in such a round about way.

  22. Enid Blyton would be proud. Maybe the next chapter will be more optimistic, huh?

    "Fucking periods" - bet Enid Blyton never said that...

  23. Ooh, those ups and downns of the roller-coaster. Brilliant post though.

    Best of luck now with the IVF
    Lorna x

  24. Brilliant writing, but I was so hoping for a different conclusion.

    I'm so sorry...


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