After my inebriated January I decided to get back on the straight and narrow and lay off the liquor for a while.
For those of you who don't live in the UK maybe you can go out and not drink alcohol without being eyed with a deep-seated suspicion, and reasons for your abstinence being demanded. And no, "I just don't feel like it" is not accepted. As a woman you will be automatically accused of being pregnant, and as a man it will be assumed that you are, at last, getting treatment for your alcoholism.
But in February I had the perfect excuse:
"Oh, no thanks, I've given up booze for February."
"Why? Most people give it up in January."
"February's shorter", I'd reply with a smug smile. See, no come back.
However, with the end of February drawing ever closer I need to cast around for another plausible excuse.
And I have one. As of today I have given up the hooch for Lent.
An excuse I hope most people will accept without questioning me too closely on my religious beliefs, but if pushed I can always rattle off a few Hail Mary's and throw in a couple of Glory Be To the Fathers. Which should scare even the most persistent questioner off, lest I try and convert them.
And after Lent, I ... ahem .. might ... cough ... just - excuse me, cough, weeze, hack ... - develop a cough that requires antibiotics. Antibiotics that I'm 'not allowed to drink with'. After which time I should know if the IVF has worked.
So I will either be serenely declining booze, basking in my expectant state and be unconcerned if there is conjecture about a possible pregnancy. Or if it hasn't worked, mine's a double tequila, with salt, lime and a Corona chaser.