- Great Expectations - As ever at the start the cycle I allow a little hope to creep in
- Some Like It Hot - an increase in temperature indicates ovulation, and that I like
- Snatch - Does this translate? Its british slang for ... ahem ... female genetalia
- Free Willy - And where there is a ying, there's a yang
- The Big Sleep - well, it is tiring all this baby making business
- Bride of Frankenstein - lets just say during the next couple of weeks I'm not the easiest spouse
- There Will Be Blood - sorry for making this sound so inevitable
- Brassed Off - that's putting it mildly.
Thursday, 29 October 2009
Tuesday, 27 October 2009
This post about The Fertility Show. I thought it was funny. I work in marketing, I've been to those meetings. Then today I got the following email:
Smugly, I thought to myself, at least I’m making a difference with this one. 6 months of unpaid labour, stress, a home taken over by boxes and flyers, no chance of profit and yet a looming financial risk…it’ll all be worth it. The charity [Infertility Network UK] will get some money. The visitors will hear some great talks. And if knowledge provides choice, then maybe we’ll help a few people going through a hard time.
Until I found your site. Crikey, I think I’ll go back to commercial reality. That’ll teach me.
We’re advertising so the exhibitors are happy. The exhibitors pay for the event to take place. 40 experts are giving up their time to speak for nothing. We have 8,000 seats in top talks that we’re selling for one pound. A morning spent at the show will cost the same as a movie. Everything revolves around giving visitors access to the best information.
Love your site, just want to say that the meeting didn’t go exactly as you suggest.
Managing Director, The Fertility Show
Sunday, 25 October 2009
- Since the start of the summer I have virtually stopped drinking - regardless of the time of the month.
- I have been going to the gym three times a week.
- (As a result of the two above items I have lost half a stone bringing my body mass index down from an OK 25 to a very respectable 22 - the normal range is 18 to 25).
- I have acupuncture once a week
- I eat healthily and, probably needlessly, supplement my diet with vitamins
- I haven't had a cup of 'normal' tea since July (I've never drunk coffee)
- I take an hour for lunch every day, I rarely stay more than an hour late at work.
- I'm in bed by 11 every night
- I don't smoke
- And, you know, I've really cut back on my smack habit
- I'm in my early thirties
- My last three cycles have been very regular
- The husbands sperm have passed every test with flying colours
- My womb lining has recently been given a clean bill of health
- I've had a couple of eggs ripe and ready for both IUIs
Friday, 23 October 2009
And no, this isn't implantation bleeding unless there is an embryo doing some really major excavations going on in there. (There isn't, even though I knew, I still did a quick double-check test).
How do I feel?
Wednesday, 21 October 2009
“Hi Guys, thanks for coming along to this brain storm. I really appreciate it. So get your thinking caps on – it is time to imagineer.
“Right, what we want are ideas for our next big exhibition. We’ve had some real smash hits, and obviously the wedding show is massive, but then we tend to lose our customers. They come, they try on a few frocks, pick out their wedding photographer in the vain hope they’ll end up looking as good as the models in the portfolio, then, as fast as you can say ‘the honeymoon is over,’ we’ve lost them.
“What we want is a show that will keep bringing them back.
“Nah. The problem is, during a recession, people stop spending on luxuries like their homes and travel. So what we have to do is think: what will people still spend inordinate amounts of money on in these credit-crunched times?
“Yes, Jason, you are on to something there. Sex always sells. But we’ve already got Erotica. And to be honest, bondage and swinging is still a bit too niche. I want something that a large proportion of the adult population is interested in.
“How large? I dunno - if we could just get a sixth of the audience we get for the wedding show to come back, we’d be raking it in.
“So to summarise, we want:
Something that will draw back punters after the wedding show
About one in six couples
Something recession proof that will still have them digging deep in their pockets
And yeah, why not? Sex related
Oh! and what would be really good was if we could do something that didn’t involve screaming brats running all over the place.”
Ladies and gentlemen, I give you The Fertility Show.
Since writing this I have received an email from the organisers assuring me their motives are far less mercenary please read this post.
Monday, 19 October 2009
Good news! We've just posted the following titles to you, so please look out for them.
Admittedly I did put this film on my list, but I have loads of films flagged and they send them in a totally random order and this one has been in the pipeline for about a year.
Really trying not to read too much into this.
'Cause that would be just silly.
And no, I won't test early. (I'm actually considering testing late, on Saturday, so I have a day to absorb the result rather than having to go to work immediately).
Saturday, 17 October 2009
Who are you?
I cracked one off into a cup and handed it to a man in a white coat.
Not particularly, no.
Very clinical and eerily quiet. Also, entirely humourless.
A large crate full of grot. And a copy of Nuts magazine, presumably for the more discerning gentleman who prefers his women clothed (or for guys who like to get off whilst looking at pictures of footballers and/or the latest must-have gadgets).
Apart from the copy of Nuts, there was a distinct ‘80s Euro-porn bent to the title selection – lots of permed hair, garish eye make-up and cold, smack-numbed stares. And a copy of something called ‘Plumpers’.
Actually, disturbingly, yes. Someone had clearly misunderstood the purpose of the exercise.
Umm… look over there! A puppy! On fire! Ahem.
Again, thankfully not, although I passed a nervous-looking couple in the waiting room as I left. Presumably he thought he might ‘need a hand’.
Only that I would like to make absolutely clear that when I handed my sample over it was a perfectly normal sample colour, and categorically not the pinky purple that the nurse claimed was ‘my’ sample during the IUI itself. I’m not sure who’s that was, but it didn’t look natural. That’s all I’m saying.
Wednesday, 14 October 2009
Monday, 12 October 2009
Friday, 9 October 2009
Thursday, 8 October 2009
I have two follicules 16.5mm and 18mm. If left to develop on their own I reckon by Saturday they'd be nice juicy little pre-babies. But Saturday is irrelevant as the
So I had a trigger shot today and tomorrow morning at 10.30am the husband will masturbate furiously into a cup, (well, why couch it in other terms? He's not beating around the bush so I see no reason why I should).
I have next week off work, so I'm quite pleased with myself for harnessing the power of the two week wait and hopefully it'll make my holiday seem about three months long.
Tuesday, 6 October 2009
And sure enough, as expected, the digital ovulation test showed me a face as blank and emotionless as the hospital receptionist who 'greeted' me an hour and a half later.
Sunday, 4 October 2009
No. No, don't just nod in agreement let me tell you why.
For many years, as a mid-teenager to comparatively recently, I would find my normal content, easy-going demeanor darkened by a cloud of depression. Periodically (and therein lies a clue), I would realise my life was shit, I was worthless and nothing good was ever going to happen to me.
Then my period would start and it would be like a big slap on the forehead. Of course, that was what was wrong with me. My mood would lighten and I'd feel like a right pillock for not realising the depression was simply pre-menstural tension.
In my defense, with random cycle lengths (a month to 4 months) I never knew when I was due, so couldn't predict these mood dips. But after about 15 years whenever I started to feel like everything was going wrong, I'd take it as a sign that my period was coming.
I know, it took a while. But what can I say, I'm clearly not the most absorbent tampon in the box.
These last couple of weeks I have been in a foul mood, yes there have been the odd things to lift me, but the lack of blogging has mainly been because I've stuck to the mantra "If you can't think of anything good to say, don't say anything at all".
I have been stressed, grumpy and generally not great to be around. And unusually I can't blame PMT, as this foul mood coincided directly with the ending of my period.
I think it is because I am worried. I am concerned that the last two periods have only been three days long and very light. For someone use to a river of blood of biblical proportions this pathetic showing, barely a snack for a peckish vampire, concerns me. I worry that once again, my womb lining is not shedding properly.
Last month after my period had finished I called the nurses and explained my predicament. Not to worry I was told, wait until the next period and come in on day four for a base line scan.
I started this period on a Saturday, the clinic doesn't open at the weekend, but I dutifully followed my prescription I taking my first clomid pill on day 2 (Sunday) and on Monday (day three by which time my period had pretty much stopped) I called the nurses to arrange my base line scan.
I didn't speak to Eunice.
I was told that:
a) I shouldn't have started the clomid without talking to them first. Because apparently although the prescription says take on day 2 - 6 I could start it on any day up to day four. I know, dumb of me to actually read instructions and take them at face value.
b) there is no point in doing the baseline scan as I've started the clomid anyway so I might as well carry on and they can check the lining when I come in to see if I am ovulating.
I should be excited about Tuesday. Excited that this is IUI two. But I'm not.
I'm fucked off that the Doctor's assurances that "They'll keep a close eye on you" you know because of the whole pre-cancerous cells in my womb lining, has come to nothing. Pissed off that this might all be a colossal waste of time. And angry with myself for not pushing harder for the scan (but it is quite difficult to be assertive when you are conducting a phone conversation in a whisper in the photocopier room at work).
Maybe I have got PMT after all, post-menstural tension.
That, or the clomid is kicking in.