Friday, 23 October 2009

The Results Are In

I didn't test early but my body decided to put me out of my waiting misery and plunge me into a whole new misery by allowing my period to start early.

And no, this isn't implantation bleeding unless there is an embryo doing some really major excavations going on in there. (There isn't, even though I knew, I still did a quick double-check test).

How do I feel?

Deflated, defeated, demoralised.

I'm starting to feel that this is never going to happen. I'll keep going for the moment but a massive part of me wants to give up (I don't know how I'd give up - go back on birth control just so I can eliminate any hope?).

So we go again, a month off and plan the next IUI for December.

Knowing my luck that'll lead to a dry Christmas and New Year with nothing to show for it.

This is shit.


  1. I've been trying to think of ways to cheer you up, but I'm about 48 hours past the point of exhaustion at the moment.

    I'm going to risk really pissing you off here and come out with another cliché. Give yourself a bit of time to get over this disappointment. But don't give up hope!

    I can only imagine what a MASSIVE ballache this all is.


  2. It is shit and I am sorry to read about it.

    I know exactly what you mean about wanting to step away from the hope but hang in there girl.

    Make sure you have a big glass of wine tonight.

  3. I'm really sorry to hear that, it sucks in a big way. But don't give up hope. There are other options and if IUI doesn't work you can move on to them. Hopefully though it won't be necessary.

  4. it is shit... a whole stinky pile. That sucks. No other way to say it.

  5. This is shit. I'm so sorry.

  6. Such an awful, sinking feeling - urg, I know it well. It is completely shit.


  7. I shit!!! I am sorry that this has happened to you! I hope the next one works out.

  8. Oh Damn. This sucks and there's no way around it. I'm sorry this is such a long and painful road.

  9. I am sorry. Don't know if it helps, but know there are strangers out there rooting for you...

  10. Yes, it is indeed shit. That really is all that can be said. We invest so much hope in something... I know how hard it is to crash land on the other side. I'm so sorry.

  11. Shit doesn't cut it really. I'm gutted for you. No 'pick me up' speeches here, you've heard it all before and it never makes it any easier.. just the nod that I'm thinking of you. Bugger!

  12. I'm so sorry. That really sucks. I know (first hand) how big that disappointment is, but I wanted to offer you a little hope...

    As much as I hate saying this, it takes time. We got a + on our 4th IUI. Don't give up yet. I'm keeping everything crossed that 3rd time will be a charm for you. xoxox

  13. I feel the exact same way you are feeling right now. My sister-in law told me she was pregnant last night and although I am so happy for her, it makes me even more sad and depressed that I am not. It's not easy but things happen for a reason and when you do eventually get pregnant (which you will!) you will love that little bambino more than anything in the world! :)

  14. You're right. That is shit. sigh

  15. It'll certainly be a MASSIVE ballache for the Husband when we get back on the baby making train, Cazzy.

    I'm having a cheeky sherry just now Secret D

    I know I can try other things Anon, but do you know what? I just want to get pregnant like 90% of the population (you know after one too many shandies in the pub car park).

    It is Jenn, thanks.

    Thanks Holli

    True Twangy

    Thanks Jane

    So do I, Rain Child, I just need the energy to get there.

    Total, Al

    I'll forgive the emoticon on this occassion Barb

    Thanks Irrational

    Cheers, Batty

    And they don't get much stranger Anonymous!

    I know we’ve all been there lovecomesfirst

    Cheers Carolyne

    I only have three shots Lea! But saying that to you makes me feel bad, yu’ve been here.

    It’s a kick in the guts when that happens isn’t it Anonymous?

    I wish I wasn’t right Mick

  16. Ahhh, honey, I'm so sorry; I was really hoping this'd be the Time. Almighty Suckage.

  17. Well fuck.

    I'm genuinely sorry and pissed off to hear it.

    Nothing much can be said that will help for the next few days, so just be kind to yourselves eh?

  18. It is shit. And I'm sorry.


  19. I'm so sorry. It is very hard to go on sometimes. I guess we just have to hope that there's a baby on the other side or at the very least that we are learning some sort of lesson that will lead to a higher level of consciousness. *sigh*

  20. Have you tried it after one too many shandies in the pub car park? (trying to cheer you up, that was funny right?) . We're so sorry it didn't happen this time ('we' being me and the husband, he doesn't read cos he's too squeamish apparently, but I keep him updated obviously). Don't give up xxxxxxx

  21. Awe I am so sorry! This sucks so much!!

  22. Fuck. This is shit. I'm so sorry.

  23. Bugger.
    I'm so sorry it didn't work again.

    It is hard to retain hope when your hopes are dashed yet again (and if you are anything like me) your hormones aren't helping at all right now.

    I continue to send you good thoughts and prayers.

  24. Ahhhhh, shit. Seriously, Universe, you are in such need of a spanking.

    I'm sorry, sweetheart. It is SO deflating. And demoralising (I personally have no morals left at all. All de-ed).

    Hugs. Fingers, as ever, crossed for your next go.

  25. Also, period arriving EARLY? The CHEEK of the bloody* thing!

    *Used advisedly.

  26. Me too, HFF

    Thanks Xbox, I'm planning a gentle weekend.

    Cheers Sarah

    Every time I think I've learnt my lesson I go and forget it the following month Megan

    I was saving the car park exploits for Berlin, Granine, with your husband watching.

    It does JC

    Fuck indeed, Murgdan

    I'm starting to doubt your psychic ability Amanda!

    Yup, bloody, bloody (but not fucking) period. Nuts

    Ta AplusB

    Thanks Anonymous

  27. crap, I am so sorry you have to go through this another soul-destroying time, I really was hopign to click through here to see your luck had changed.

    Take care of yourself.

    Just curious (and tell me to go to hell if you're not up to answering - swearing is good for the soul) you get three goes at IUI, will the NHS stretch to three IVF if that doesn't work? We were going to get three rounds of IVF + FET (6 transfers)... I know it's dependant on where you live but I really do hope they help you further if you hit worst case scenario.

  28. awwww im gutted for you !!
    enjoy ur month off and good luck with ur next cycle !!!!> xx

  29. I'm so sorry :(
    I still have faith in this year, though. Keep the hope up!

  30. Exactly what just happened to me. Like my body said not just "no", but "hell, no." I'm so sorry. I know how much it sucks. I hate hope. *sigh*

  31. You're right. It is shit.

    And I wish that there was something else I could say other than I'm sorry and I'm thinking of you.

  32. Hi Serendipity, as far as I know I get three goes at IUI then if it doesn’t work they assess whether I am a suitable candidate for IVF. If so I get one go of that then I’m by myself.

    Thanks Bubba

    Only two months of this year left Gaby, I’m trying to keep positive but it is hard…

    I supposed we can be thankful it didn’t keep my hoping for long Stacey

    Thanks Ms Heathen, there’s not much anyone can say. Och well.

  33. I'm so sorry - you don't deserve such crap.


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