No. No, don't just nod in agreement let me tell you why.
For many years, as a mid-teenager to comparatively recently, I would find my normal content, easy-going demeanor darkened by a cloud of depression. Periodically (and therein lies a clue), I would realise my life was shit, I was worthless and nothing good was ever going to happen to me.
Then my period would start and it would be like a big slap on the forehead. Of course, that was what was wrong with me. My mood would lighten and I'd feel like a right pillock for not realising the depression was simply pre-menstural tension.
In my defense, with random cycle lengths (a month to 4 months) I never knew when I was due, so couldn't predict these mood dips. But after about 15 years whenever I started to feel like everything was going wrong, I'd take it as a sign that my period was coming.
I know, it took a while. But what can I say, I'm clearly not the most absorbent tampon in the box.
These last couple of weeks I have been in a foul mood, yes there have been the odd things to lift me, but the lack of blogging has mainly been because I've stuck to the mantra "If you can't think of anything good to say, don't say anything at all".
I have been stressed, grumpy and generally not great to be around. And unusually I can't blame PMT, as this foul mood coincided directly with the ending of my period.
I think it is because I am worried. I am concerned that the last two periods have only been three days long and very light. For someone use to a river of blood of biblical proportions this pathetic showing, barely a snack for a peckish vampire, concerns me. I worry that once again, my womb lining is not shedding properly.
Last month after my period had finished I called the nurses and explained my predicament. Not to worry I was told, wait until the next period and come in on day four for a base line scan.
I started this period on a Saturday, the clinic doesn't open at the weekend, but I dutifully followed my prescription I taking my first clomid pill on day 2 (Sunday) and on Monday (day three by which time my period had pretty much stopped) I called the nurses to arrange my base line scan.
I didn't speak to Eunice.
I was told that:
a) I shouldn't have started the clomid without talking to them first. Because apparently although the prescription says take on day 2 - 6 I could start it on any day up to day four. I know, dumb of me to actually read instructions and take them at face value.
b) there is no point in doing the baseline scan as I've started the clomid anyway so I might as well carry on and they can check the lining when I come in to see if I am ovulating.
I should be excited about Tuesday. Excited that this is IUI two. But I'm not.
I'm fucked off that the Doctor's assurances that "They'll keep a close eye on you" you know because of the whole pre-cancerous cells in my womb lining, has come to nothing. Pissed off that this might all be a colossal waste of time. And angry with myself for not pushing harder for the scan (but it is quite difficult to be assertive when you are conducting a phone conversation in a whisper in the photocopier room at work).
Maybe I have got PMT after all, post-menstural tension.
That, or the clomid is kicking in.
I somehow just managed to delete this post, but had it saved so reposted but managed to delete all the comments - thanks though.