Sunday, 4 October 2009

Dumb and Dumber

I can be a bit dumb sometimes.

No. No, don't just nod in agreement let me tell you why.

For many years, as a mid-teenager to comparatively recently, I would find my normal content, easy-going demeanor darkened by a cloud of depression. Periodically (and therein lies a clue), I would realise my life was shit, I was worthless and nothing good was ever going to happen to me.

Then my period would start and it would be like a big slap on the forehead. Of course, that was what was wrong with me. My mood would lighten and I'd feel like a right pillock for not realising the depression was simply pre-menstural tension.

In my defense, with random cycle lengths (a month to 4 months) I never knew when I was due, so couldn't predict these mood dips. But after about 15 years whenever I started to feel like everything was going wrong, I'd take it as a sign that my period was coming.

I know, it took a while. But what can I say, I'm clearly not the most absorbent tampon in the box.

These last couple of weeks I have been in a foul mood, yes there have been the odd things to lift me, but the lack of blogging has mainly been because I've stuck to the mantra "If you can't think of anything good to say, don't say anything at all".

I have been stressed, grumpy and generally not great to be around. And unusually I can't blame PMT, as this foul mood coincided directly with the ending of my period.

I think it is because I am worried. I am concerned that the last two periods have only been three days long and very light. For someone use to a river of blood of biblical proportions this pathetic showing, barely a snack for a peckish vampire, concerns me. I worry that once again, my womb lining is not shedding properly.

Last month after my period had finished I called the nurses and explained my predicament. Not to worry I was told, wait until the next period and come in on day four for a base line scan.

I started this period on a Saturday, the clinic doesn't open at the weekend, but I dutifully followed my prescription I taking my first clomid pill on day 2 (Sunday) and on Monday (day three by which time my period had pretty much stopped) I called the nurses to arrange my base line scan.

I didn't speak to Eunice.

I was told that:

a) I shouldn't have started the clomid without talking to them first. Because apparently although the prescription says take on day 2 - 6 I could start it on any day up to day four. I know, dumb of me to actually read instructions and take them at face value.

b) there is no point in doing the baseline scan as I've started the clomid anyway so I might as well carry on and they can check the lining when I come in to see if I am ovulating.

I should be excited about Tuesday. Excited that this is IUI two. But I'm not.

I'm fucked off that the Doctor's assurances that "They'll keep a close eye on you" you know because of the whole pre-cancerous cells in my womb lining, has come to nothing. Pissed off that this might all be a colossal waste of time. And angry with myself for not pushing harder for the scan (but it is quite difficult to be assertive when you are conducting a phone conversation in a whisper in the photocopier room at work).

Maybe I have got PMT after all, post-menstural tension.

That, or the clomid is kicking in.

******

I somehow just managed to delete this post, but had it saved so reposted but managed to delete all the comments - thanks though.



13 comments:

  1. Doesn't that ironically kind of make the point for you?

    From what I gather the clomid craziness won't kick in until you are ovulating, so this is all you.

    You have every reason to be optimistic still, every reason.

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  2. I can't quite remember what I wrote in my original comment, but I believe I had a little whine about NHS inconsistency. Oh, and I wanted you to not feel upset about following your prescription as it over-rides the generic leaflet gubbins.

    Anyway, I really hope the clomid does the trick for you. It seems to do wonders for a lot of women. :)

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  3. God, how the NHS love doing this to people. They never, ever, ever ever EVER talk to each other in there, and no one reads the patient's notes, and the poor patient has to waste hours explaining everything to the people WHO SHOULD BALLY KNOW.

    I am really hoping all is lovely and perfect within. I will have my fingers crossed for you on Tuesday. And that Eunice will be there.

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  4. I too hope all is fine within. One possible thought is that clomid can thin the lining so maybe it's just been thinner. Good luck.

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  5. Sheesh...is all I have...for all that. Clomid on day 2? We start on 4 over here and I have started on 5 because I read on her others do over near you. Best of luck with the next round and sorry I can't offer a more helpful comment.

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  6. I think that a little mix of ALL of that shit is causing your very valid emotional response. Hell, for me Clomid alone is enough excuse. Hate that drug. hate hate hate it.

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  7. argh the NHS, so good in some ways and so very very bad in others. Keeping everything crossed for Tuesday.

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  8. I think you have every right to be GWC - grumpy without cause. Hoping tomorrow goes well.

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  9. Sending hugs. I'm sorry things are kind of sucky right now. I never took Clomid, but heard of the horror stories. Always blame the meds.

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  10. I found that clomid induced craziness would kick in about three days into the course.

    Good luck today!

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  11. Yes, Clomid made me a raging bitch who spewed psychotic babble. So grateful it gave me cysts and they had to switch me to something else.

    Happy IUI day!

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  12. Clomid definitely made me bitchy and moody.

    I know I'm still struggling to shrug off the last BFN disappointment. Maybe it's just sticking to you a little bit, too.

    My periods are always three to four days and really light. I think it means I'm getting old.

    Hope that helps!

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  13. Shit, you mean I don't have an excuse Xbox?

    Thanks Bexx I appreciate both comments.

    I forgot to mention in my Tuesday post, Nuts, but I did see Eunice.

    That's good knowledge re: the womb linign Batty, thanks

    I never knew you could start clomid so late PiB, you learn something new every day!


    Thanks Barb, I feel validated.

    Cheers Serendipity

    GWC, I'll be using that Gracie

    I blame the meds at every opportunity Lost in Space

    So you are saying Xbox is talking rubbish Jane?

    Cysts?! lovecomesfirst, bloody hell.

    Next time I get grumpy I'll blame you Stacey!

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