The problem with getting a negative test is, in a true kicking you when you are down fashion, you also have to contend with the stomach cramps and general shit that comes with having a period. Which doesn't make for happy blogging.
When the first IUI failed it was a bit of a reality check. Turns out medical intervention wasn't the magic bullet I had hoped. I acknowledged my naivety, chastised myself for thinking it might work first time and got on with things. The failure of the second IUI has affected me differently. Its made me seriously question whether anything will work.
The thing is I have made some pretty significant life-style changes.
- Since the start of the summer I have virtually stopped drinking - regardless of the time of the month.
- I have been going to the gym three times a week.
- (As a result of the two above items I have lost half a stone bringing my body mass index down from an OK 25 to a very respectable 22 - the normal range is 18 to 25).
- I have acupuncture once a week
- I eat healthily and, probably needlessly, supplement my diet with vitamins
- I haven't had a cup of 'normal' tea since July (I've never drunk coffee)
- I take an hour for lunch every day, I rarely stay more than an hour late at work.
- I'm in bed by 11 every night
- I don't smoke
- And, you know, I've really cut back on my smack habit
- I'm in my early thirties
- My last three cycles have been very regular
- The husbands sperm have passed every test with flying colours
- My womb lining has recently been given a clean bill of health
- I've had a couple of eggs ripe and ready for both IUIs
What more can I do?
Every day unhealthy, unfit, heavy drinking, smoking women get pregnant but I don't. I really don't believe that there is much more I can do that will increase my chances by any more than an infinitesimalamount. What happens is entirely down to fate.
And that is a pretty miserable thought.
Normal service will resume soon. I just need a bit more time.