Sunday, 25 October 2009

The Fallout

The problem with getting a negative test is, in a true kicking you when you are down fashion, you also have to contend with the stomach cramps and general shit that comes with having a period. Which doesn't make for happy blogging.

When the first IUI failed it was a bit of a reality check. Turns out medical intervention wasn't the magic bullet I had hoped. I acknowledged my naivety, chastised myself for thinking it might work first time and got on with things. The failure of the second IUI has affected me differently. Its made me seriously question whether anything will work.

The thing is I have made some pretty significant life-style changes.
  • Since the start of the summer I have virtually stopped drinking - regardless of the time of the month.
  • I have been going to the gym three times a week.
  • (As a result of the two above items I have lost half a stone bringing my body mass index down from an OK 25 to a very respectable 22 - the normal range is 18 to 25).
  • I have acupuncture once a week
  • I eat healthily and, probably needlessly, supplement my diet with vitamins
  • I haven't had a cup of 'normal' tea since July (I've never drunk coffee)
  • I take an hour for lunch every day, I rarely stay more than an hour late at work.
  • I'm in bed by 11 every night
  • I don't smoke
  • And, you know, I've really cut back on my smack habit
In addition:
  • I'm in my early thirties
  • My last three cycles have been very regular
  • The husbands sperm have passed every test with flying colours
  • My womb lining has recently been given a clean bill of health
  • I've had a couple of eggs ripe and ready for both IUIs
What more can I do?

Every day unhealthy, unfit, heavy drinking, smoking women get pregnant but I don't. I really don't believe that there is much more I can do that will increase my chances by any more than an infinitesimal amount. What happens is entirely down to fate.

And that is a pretty miserable thought.

Normal service will resume soon. I just need a bit more time.



24 comments:

  1. I'm sorry. I wish I had something else to offer. Hugs to you.

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  2. I'm so sorry. I understand how you feel. Maybe a bit more time? The saying "third time's a charm" must have come from somewhere. Hopefully your third time will work.

    Hang in there.

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  3. It sucks. I hope you begin to feel more like yourself soon.

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  4. Gah.

    Just gah.

    Give it a few days, you WILL feel more positive again.

    Mind yourselves.

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  5. *Hugs*

    Yeah, I've done the 'how come that smoking, boozing, enormously-fatter-than-I-am/worryingly-thin [delete as appropriate], junk-food-guzzling smack-addict couch-potato is pregnant and I'M NOT?'

    It really hurts.

    One GP once told me that every normal ovulatory cycle, barring other issues, assuming there has been lots of sex, has a one in six chance of succeeding. One in six. Those odds sound fabulous right up until you realise the NHS are giving you THREE 'enhanced' goes.

    Anyway. Hugs. Lots of them. I am eating ice-cream right now. I would recommend you do the same. It doesn't really help, but hey, it tastes nice.

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  6. Everything you have done I have also. Well done on your weight loss and lifestyle changes. We are getting our bodies in the best shape so we can get pregnant and carry a baby. I understand how u feel about some people getting pregnant so easily, wish it was us. Good luck and keep up the good work

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  7. All so well said. Nothing to add to that it's so perfect and representative of what we've felt.

    And all the questions I (and my doctors quite frankly) asked myself over and over in past years.

    xoxoxo

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  8. Geeze you are doing so well with the healthy living, well done you :)

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  9. Thanks Batty, there isn’t a lot anyone can say.
    Maybe that is why they give me here shots at IUI because the third one is the lucky one, Megan

    Me too Carolyn

    Yeah Xbox, Every time I ovulate the positiveness (if that is a word) returns. Just crashes hard each time.

    Good point May, maybe that is why the NHS spreads out the IUI’s to every other month, so that in reality we have six chances?

    If nothing else I’ll be in better shape than most of my contemporaries eh, Nic?

    I know I’m not alone, thanks Barb

    Yeah, but for what end PiB?

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  10. I know, it's crap. Hang in there hon x

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  11. Its shit ....thats what it is !!
    I HATE fate right now....fate doesnt play the game fairly !!....Thats all !. xx

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  12. Sending a hug... Hang in there. :)

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  13. be proud of yourself for all the healthy things you're doing for your body... it DOES mean a lot. I truly believe, even in the hardest of times, that loving yourself can only help to eventually loving a baby.

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  14. Oh.I.Know! Same, same!
    I was the same after the first IUI failed. After the second one failed I questioned whether I should bother with the third. So, I went into it with a 'meh' attitude, fully prepared for another failure. I got it, but not until my body threw me curved balls and got my hopes up!

    Virtually haven't had a drink since last Dec. Decaf coffee only. Trying to lose weight (which means eating healthier, but not succeeding in the weight dept), acupuncture, kinesiology etc etc etc. All of your above really!

    Oops taking over your blog with my comment :) But just wanted to say YEAH!

    Thinking that next up I should try drugs and alcohol and sleeping the gutter cos THAT seems to work time and time again!

    x

    www.thehoneycakemixup.blogspot.com

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  15. I feel your frustration - I am amazed that people EVER get pregnant, let alone the unhealthy, smoking, drinking, not wanting to get pregnant people?!
    Hang in there.

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  16. Have been there, done it all, and felt it too. Nothing helpful to offer up except to take all the time you need. This is not an easy journey and it often takes a bit more to get your footing after each blow. I'm so sorry this wasn't the one and am holding out hope that the third time is the charm. Many hugs.

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  17. It is just so frustrating. ...and the cramps and hormones don't help right now.
    ...and I remember how much life sucked after each unsuccessful month.

    I remain hopeful for you.

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  18. It is shit. Sorry, have nothing more constructive to add, other than that.

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  19. I'm sorry. I wish that there was something more I could say... I know that this probably isn't much consolation right now, but you are doing everything in your power to make this happen.

    I am thinking of you as you gather your strength for the next attempt.

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  20. The only thing that makes it better for me is if Day 1 of AF means it's Day 1 of a new protocol or new meds. We didn't start anything new this time. That was hard. I had some good drugs for the cramps, though. :) Hope things are starting to look better now.

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  21. Cheers, Jane

    You’re right Bubba, and I don’t even believe in fate so why is it still ruining my life?

    Thanks Trinity

    I hope so Wannabe, if not at least I’ll have a long healthy (childless) life …

    I hadn’t even heard of Kinesiology before Bir, and you’ve really been through the mill. Best of luck.

    It is easy to forget isn’t it Aplus B?

    Thanks Lost in Space, yeah they do say third time lucky, and I need luck.

    Glad someone is Amanda, ta.

    Agreement is always good Anonymous
    Cheers, Ms Heathen

    Stacey, The trouble is with having to wait a month between treatments is this month offers no new protocol/ hope. Och well.

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  24. I'm so sorry to hear your IUI failed again. By the second one I was already considering IVF and otally gave up on IUI's which seemed more to me like leaps of faith than anything else...

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