Thursday, 8 October 2009

Close But No Catheter

Today I got the sour-faced scanner. Once again she had a hard job (or more literally, hard jab) finding my ovaries. She blamed my diet.

"Oh, I thought I had quite a good diet."

"Yes, I can see you eat a lot of fresh fruit and vegetables, that is why there is so much gas, which makes it difficult to locate your ovaries."

Great, a doctor is berating me for my roughage in-take. I give up. (I also feel duty bound to assure you that I do not fart a lot but for some reason just seem to hold a lot of gas ... shall we move on?)

I have two follicules 16.5mm and 18mm. If left to develop on their own I reckon by Saturday they'd be nice juicy little pre-babies. But Saturday is irrelevant as the futility fertility clinic is shut on a Saturday.

So I had a trigger shot today and tomorrow morning at 10.30am the husband will masturbate furiously into a cup, (well, why couch it in other terms? He's not beating around the bush so I see no reason why I should).

At 11.45 GMT - if all goes according to plan - that thin tube of spunk-filled plastic will be inserted through my cervix and then the waiting will commence.

I have next week off work, so I'm quite pleased with myself for harnessing the power of the two week wait and hopefully it'll make my holiday seem about three months long.


  1. Ohhh i just love how u word things !!
    Good Luck !! xx xx

  2. Yay! Transmitting good luck vibes at you. xx

  3. Good luck with all the next steps. I hope this cycle is the one!

    Kait @

  4. "masturbate furiously into a cup" Ha! That made me almost spit out the water I was drinking. :) Tons and tons of luck for tomorrow. And enjoy your holiday!

  5. Masturbate 'furiously'...

    I have visions of him shaking his, er, fist, like someone with a desperate bout of road rage.

    Best of luck.

  6. Thanks Bubba, I wondered if I'd gone too far!

    I need it, Carolyne

    Are you changing your name everyday on purpose Caroline?

    Ta battynurse

    So do I, Kait

    I hope your computer survived, Lea

    Is that for Good Luck or Good Lord! Barb?

    He'll be shaking something Xbox, but I don't need to tell you that.

  7. too funny. wishing you luck! enjoy your break.

  8. Good luck... may the two weeks fly by... oh wait, then that would mean your vacation time woudl fly by... that's kinda a toss up! :)

  9. Yerwhattywhatty?!
    I've had more bloody scans than hot dinners AND my ovaries hide and NOT ONCE has anyone commented on anything digestive! What a rude nurse!

    Best of British luck!

  10. Sounds to me like what the doctor really meant to say was:

    "I can't see your ovaries because I'm crap at my job, but I'm too arrogant to say it so I'm going to blame you instead."

    The "furiously masturbating" remark reminded me of when hubby wanted to look at some of his sperm under the microscope. I wondered how he got his goods into the tiny test tube, apparently he just aimed and in it went.

    Why can't they be that accurate when going for a piss?

  11. hah! Loved your post... "futility clinic"... that seems pretty right-on most of the time.

    BTW, when you have a chance.... stop on over to my blog... I have a little something for you :-)

  12. Crossing my fingers for you.
    ...and again you've struck comedy gold with the "beating around the bush" line.

  13. With the time zone difference, I calculate that the IUI will occur in the next hour or so - Channelling All Positive Vibes your way!!!
    (The exclamation points help with the vibe chanelling ... as do these :) :) :)

  14. Best of luck today. I'm channelling positive vibes to you as I type.

  15. Good luck and enjoy your week off.

    Really, really hoping...

  16. Thanks Chelsea, I need it.

    Jenn, I want the first week to drag and the second to fly. That’s not too much to ask is it?

    HFF, she was a doctor – who I always find to be more … brutal than nurses.

    It went directly into the test tube Bexx? That is impressive.

    Thanks for the Award Wannabe!

    I’m glad someone appreciated that line Corymbia.

    Thanks Jane, every vibe helps.

    Me too Secret D

  17. You’ve assisted my understanding on what is usually a hard to tackle subject. Thank you!


I've resisted word verification for ages but I'm getting so many spam comments at the moment that I think it is time. Sorry!