Wednesday, 2 September 2009

I know, I know

I could tell what the woman of a certain age at the checkout was thinking as she rang up my shopping today:

"Poor, naive, ignorant cow."

Because my basket was a picture of innocent optimism. It contained:

1 Box of Ovulation predictor kit (pack of seven)
1 Pregnancy test (pack of two)
1 box of multi-vitamins - For women who are trying for a baby

I could just imagine her having a little chuckle to herself later. Shaking her head at how easy I thought it would be; a case of peeing on a couple of sticks, ovulating, have a spot of marital relations, getting pregnant, double check with a quick test, Bob's your uncle, Fanny's your aunt and the bun's in the oven.

I wanted to explain. I wanted to say:

"I know it isn't that easy but I'd quite like to know when I ovulate this month so that I know when to expect my period before my next round of IUI. And I need the pregnancy tests because I'll have to do one at some point so I might as well pick them up now (and there is an economy of scale buying two rather than just one). And I'm running out of vitamins because I have been taking them on and off for about three years now and can't see any possibility of graduating onto the early stage pregnancy ones in the near future."

Instead I just bundled my boxes of goodies into my bag and hurried away, with all my eggs in one basket.


  1. Ohhh I hate that, I know how you feel! I had to by pee sticks yesterday and I get them from the Dollar Tree b/c they are only $1 each. Usually I walk up with like 8 ovulation tests and 2 prego tests so here's me carrying nothing but those 10 boxes. I feel so stupid! Yesterday I couldn't bear to buy more than 4. I figured...maybe I'll time it just right and I'll only need 4 this month...and if I don't ovulate by then it'll be the weekend and I can go back and get a couple more. Tha's all I could handle, then I went to a different store to get vitamins ;).

  2. Better than buying condoms, vaseline, and film for my camera. I did that once. The purchases were totally not related (I swear), but looked quite odd.

  3. My biggest fear was being stopped by the police when carting hubby's sperm off to the pathologist (not that I've ever been stopped by them for any reason, but I made damn sure I had a story to explain why I was driving with a jar of man juice under my jacket.... just in case).

    Same goes for carrying little jars of urine when visiting the obstetrician .... "Well officer, in my religion its customary to carry small jars of pee in your handbag".....

  4. I had a similar experience in S.ainsburys last month except in one hand I had a double pack of HPT's and in the other 2 boxes of tampons - That got a look I can assure you!
    Good luck on the mission this month.

  5. I hate buying vitamins and pee sticks. I hate thinking what the girl must be thinking and I come up with very simular thoughts as yours. Thing is, if we started rambling we would look even more stupid and it would be just our luck that the girl at the checkout was purely thinking good luck!!

  6. One piece of advice, honey:

  7. It's good you didn't try and say all that or they really would have carted you off.

    "...all my eggs in one basket," - priceless

  8. It's even worse when you buy the HPTs at the grocery store from the same clerk month after month. I finally felt so stupid I started buying them an Target instead!

  9. Yeah, I started buying them online for that exact reason!

    And I DID get pulled over one time when I was taking a "sample" for our IUI. Thankfully, it was one of the officers I work with and he knew we were TTC, so I was able to sneak away with a little bit of pride intact...and the manjuice safely between my boobs. LOL

  10. I've felt the same quite often. And oh the time I was buying a digital after I already knew I was pg, but was bleeding and terrified it was going to end (which it did), oh man the mixed feelings when I put ONLY that on the checkout counter. And the way the cashier tried to be helpful, b/c she could see I was horrified, but probably thought I was horrified I was pg. GAH.

  11. Eh heh. Yes. The chemist had a two-for-price-of-one thing on vitamins, so I was stocking up on bottle after bottle of prenatals, also OPKs, pregnancy tests and a 'fertility' Basal Body thermometer. No one said a word, but the checkout lady kept smiling and nodding and damn it COOING over everything I was buying. I sometimes fantasize about going back and saying remember? That was three and a half years ago. HAH.

    And then there was the day I was digging in my bag for my security pass at the library, and flicked a (used, of course) OPK onto the floor, which the security guy courteously went to pick up for me before he saw what it was. You know they look exactly like positive pregnancy tests, yes? Floor, swallow me. Swallow me now.

  12. I used to use my "ask...just ask" look of death to ward them off.

    You forgot the wine.

  13. Welcome, JC, Not the JC? Right? Like Jesus Christ - nope checked blog, not.

    That is one great weekend, Megan, of course they were related, of course ...

    That is why I use public transport Corymbia, that and not owning a car.

    Covering all bases, Carolyne

    Nic, or thinking 'maybe pink nail varnish would have been better than red today, ugh, someone wants me to serve them.'

    I know HFF, but that requires advance planning (followed by action).

    I'm surprised I haven't been sectioned yet, Mick

    See, Oh Baby, faceless corporations do have a purpose after all.

    I want to hear more about the pulling over incident, rebecca.

    That's tough, Barb

    Not what you need Nuts, does the security guard keep giving you curious looks?

    If they'd sold wine Lost in Space, I'd have bought it.

  14. Or, she could be thinking I remember feeling like that. I wish I was there again.


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