Thursday, 21 May 2009

Future Planning

I spent this morning strategising.

I wish I could show you the power point document that the senior manager delivered but a) I like you too much to enforce a document that turgid on you and b) it would probably be stretching the bounds of my professionalism just a little further than necessary.

The highlights were:

Environmental Changes Affecting Strategy (yes, we are all about the catchy heading here) we had amongst others:
  • The Recession
  • Local and National Government Changes
  • University Enterprise and Research Strategies

And my personal favourite:
  • Maternity leave of 2 key staff members

How we laughed at that one. The banter around the table was that contraception should be mandatory. Wondering whether Human Resources would endorse compulsory sterilisation. And apparently no one else is 'allowed' to go on maternity leave. Much, much, fucking hilarity.

We ended the meeting with a request that we forward plan. We need to send our department head a sentence saying where we would like to be by 2012.

I’m not sure ‘at home with at least two children sitting on a healthy redundancy package’ would be acceptable. Which is only slightly more realistic than ‘representing Great Britain at long distance running at the Olympics’. Unfortunately I think she wants something along the lines of ‘increasing turnover with new products and blah, blah, blah’.

I love my job, I really do. And my colleagues (my completely unaware colleagues) are great. But sometimes ...


8 comments:

  1. OW. I'd've bitten straight through my tongue. GOD, but workmates can be a pain.

    Of course, fingers, no, wait, TOES (they work better) very much crossed you will be sat at home with two adorable kidlings of your very own in 2012.

    (I really ought to blog about my latest colossally awkward colleague moment - she's a sweetheart, but oy...)

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  2. Oh bab, I've been AT that meeting.

    Sucky sucky sucky.

    So sorry.

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  3. A laugh a fucking minute your colleagues are...

    mmm.... one sentence, eh? I'll have to think about that one...

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  4. Hmm. Maybe you should claim to not know? I hate when a job thinks they need to be your entire life goal. And oh yeah, they are a funny bunch. Hysterical.

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  5. Ouch! Some people are just so clueless.

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  6. 3 mornings this week I've been turning up at 11, with another next week, and I usually can only inform them beforehand at 4:30 the previous day once the hospital have called.

    My colleagues think I'm dying.

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  7. Ughhh. I remember feeling your pain.
    I remember a bloke moaning about how *horrible* children are and how he wished he didn't have any (he was doing the typical overworked parent act that isn't really that believeable in 50 yo Aussie males as we all know they've never changed a nappy in their lives).
    Anyhoo... we'd been TTC for about a year and I'd just discovered that Aunt Flo had come visiting AGAIN so I wasn't in the mood for the conversation so I just laid it to him with: "Frank - shut up. Be happy that you've got kids to moan about - some of us would desperately love a child and can't seem to get pregnant." Something in my tone must have stopped him from saying another word. Arsehat.

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  8. May, toes work better? My stumpy ones don't cross maybe this is where I've been going wrong.

    It wasn't so bad HFF, just pretty awe-inspiring that they would have this conversation with me in the room (when anyone who stopped to think about why I wasn't going on maternity leave might have put two and two together) AND one fo the girls who is about to go off on leave.

    And if I could have it on my desk by 4pm, Mick

    Batty, Most people have been there over ten years. There job is their life.

    That is it Jane, clueless not cruel.

    I guess most of your colleagues don't red Irish newspapers then Xbox

    Good response corymbia. And I'm liking Arsehat.

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