Friday, 15 May 2009

Being driven to the edge

Once again we had to make the perilous journey to the outreaches of the M25 to take the dog to kennels for the weekend.

Luckily this journey was significantly less eventful than the last. But it did reaffirm my hatred of driving.

Baby On Board signs.

I mean, really. Why?

Oh, I know the theory. Contrary to popular opinion, it isn't to make other drivers decide not to crash into you on that particular day. It is in case you have a car accident whilst carrying a baby, you don't want the ambulance folk to miss a child crushed in the back whilst the unconscious parents are ferried to hospital. That is why they are a-fixed to the window with suction pads. Easily take on-and-offable depending on the afore-mentioned baby being on board, or not.

What I object to is the people who keep them on whilst their car is without child.

And what I particularly object to is the signs that I saw today - on the same car:

Cheeky Monkey on Board


Mummy-to-be on board

After wasting 1.57 minutes trying to decide whether the Mummy-to-be had actually been, and the progeny was the cheeky monkey, or whether there was already one cheeky monkey and she had another on the way, I noticed that the car was being driven by a man. Alone.

Which leads me to conclude:

This guy cannot afford a Ferrari, so the only way he has to prove to the world at large just how much of a man he is, is to proclaim his virility by signage on the rear window of his Citroen Saxo.

Of course all it makes me think is:

Yeah, and I bet neither kids are yours.

So am I:
An Acrimonious Asshole
Bitter and Barren
C) Irrational and Infertile
D) All of the above?

I need a holiday.

I'll be back next week, in the meantime keep an eye on Fertility Authority - I'm due to have another post published there shortly.


  1. Those are annoying signs. I never really thought of them as being taken down when baby is not in the car but that makes sense. I doubt however that most people do that. I will say the best one I ever saw said ex-husband on board and they had a necktie hanging out of the trunk. Laughed so hard.

  2. Yep, the signs in the car are just another reminder.

    Hope you have a good weekend avoiding the step mum.

  3. It's all holidays and gallivanting with you infertile types...a great life ye have...

    oh, wait...

  4. It's just hateful when you see "Baby on Board" signs when the baby is barely a bump! Used to make my blood boil. Great Post, funny.

  5. i hate those signs too. they are a huge pet peeve of mine, and my feeling is - so you are saying that i shouldn't hit you b/c you have a baby? But b/c i don't have one its ok? seriously?! i would like to have a sign on my car that just says 'human on board'

  6. That's a classic, Batty

    Secret D, we didn't have any a deux time. phew.

    I know, Xbox, it is because we have so little to spend our cash on - certianly not nappies, teeny, tiny clothes or prams. Who wouldn't want to be me?

    Ta, Dr Spouse

    Mick, yeah those T-shirts and 'under construction' unleash a similar level of loathing.

    But Katherine, don't you get it? You are expendable... apparently.

  7. I'm laughing at the ex husband on board sign. I've got to get me one of those!


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